Transcript of Bonus Episode 028 - Transcript

Charlie:
Yeah. What I know of when I was younger was a small group of loud women with plastic bibs that were breasts and a sachet across that.

Stacey:
That's a sash.

Charlie:
What's a sachet?

Stacey:
Something that ketchup comes in.

Charlie:
I've already seen the dress loads. I've worn it. You go to work Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. I'm in it.

Stacey:
Just sat at home playing PlayStation in my wedding dress.

Charlie:
Imagine. Oh, my God. That is something to think about.

Stacey:
I know.

Charlie:
Oh. Hello and welcome to the British English podcast with your host Charlie Baxter, and your co-host today, the fiancee of the host, Stacey Benson, soon to be Stacey Baxter. How do you feel about that, Stacey?

Stacey:
Not sure. I think we agreed to Charlie and Stacey Baxton.

Charlie:
Braxton, the mix of Benson and Baxter. Guys, that is not a tradition. That is something that I am hoping will never happen for us. Come a bit closer to the microphone. Come on.

Stacey:
I'm close enough!

Charlie:
Let's get closer. Come on. So it's a Friday night for us. And I thought instead of date night, we could put some cushions up on the dining table and put some microphones in between. Don't get excited, guys, and do a podcast about weddings, because I have been struggling to get motivated to talk about weddings, wedding planning, despite the fact that I proposed to Stacey. When did I propose to you? On...

Stacey:
Six months ago.

Charlie:
Is it really that long ago?

Stacey:
It's that long. It's longer than that. It's seven months, I think.

Charlie:
Wow. December the sixth. And we're recording this now on the 24th of June. We're planning a wedding, though, aren't we?

Stacey:
Are we?

Charlie:
You're planning a wedding, though, aren't you?

Stacey:
Correct.

Charlie:
Yeah. How is it going?

Stacey:
I mean, it's going great. Yes.

Charlie:
Am I invited?

Stacey:
Potentially. You've made the third cut, I think.

Charlie:
Right. Because we did actually send some invites out. Or you sent some invites out and I didn't get one.

Stacey:
No, that's correct.

Charlie:
Is that suggesting something? Yeah. So today I thought we would talk about weddings. It's. It's definitely cultural. Brits are wedding mad.

Stacey:
Especially now, but yeah.

Charlie:
Especially now. Why? Why now?

Stacey:
I think post-COVID, everyone's doing a bit of a catchup and yeah, I think everyone, especially the countries maybe that have had a harder lockdown are now getting extra excited for celebratory things.

Charlie:
That's true. That's true. Yeah. And we've noticed a huge impact on our planning because of this, of COVID and the build up of people wanting to get married.

Stacey:
Yes. Apparently, people are planning their weddings three years out now in the UK, which...

Charlie:
Three years out.

Stacey:
...just blows my mind.

Charlie:
And you're a planner?

Stacey:
I'm a planner. But how anyone can know what they're going to wear or what they want to eat three years in the future is just...

Charlie:
Beyond you.

Stacey:
Mind-blowing.

Charlie:
Or, mind blowing. Yeah, either one. So I thought we would do three parts to this episode as usual. Part one, we're going to do wedding traditions in the UK. Part two, How to plan a wedding. So that will mainly be Stacey because I don't know how to do that. And then part three, how we feel about our plan, our wedding and the journey so far for us as a couple. But as a little teaser for that, how do you feel towards me about our wedding planning?

Stacey:
I mean, there's a slight lack of input at this stage, but but I hear that's normal. I won't give you a hard time. I think typically as the groom, unless you are a very planny person, then I think until the month of. Or I'm expecting for your sake, maybe the week of - Um - I'm not anticipating too much input until then.

Charlie:
Fair enough. Wow, that sounds delightful. Okay, so, yeah. Part one Wedding Traditions. So let's go back to engagement expectations.

Stacey:
Okay.

Charlie:
What do you think? Uh, typically girls expect or couples expect of an engagement? I've already given away a clue there. Who? Who normally does it?

Stacey:
What, proposes?

Charlie:
Yeah.

Stacey:
I think very traditionally it is the male that proposes.

Charlie:
In a heterosexual couple we're talking about of course.

Stacey:
Of course, of course. However, there's the whole leap year thing.

Charlie:
Oh, yeah? What's that?

Stacey:
I believe on the day of the leap year. Is that the correct term? Yeah. Day of the leap year. Um, that it is more accepted, maybe more socially accepted for the female to propose.

Charlie:
Yes.

Stacey:
To the male.

Charlie:
When is the next leap year? 2024. So 2020. I was actually thinking about doing it on 2020 because we did it 2021 and I didn't. It was your 30th. I think.

Stacey:
My 30th was 2019.

Charlie:
Sorry, I thought about doing it on your 30th and then I didn't. Okay. So did you at any point during that year think, right, he's never going to do it? We're nine years into this relationship. Maybe I need to sort this out, sort the plan out.

Stacey:
I mean, in all honesty, not to try and make myself sound all calm and collected, but I don't think either of us were in a mad rush. I knew it was coming one day.

Charlie:
Oh, yeah. Cocky, cool, calm and collected, and cocky. No, I'm very, very lucky. Very lucky that you said yes. So what would you say most people hope for in a proposal?

Stacey:
Okay. In a proposal, I guess a diamond ring or some semi-precious or highly precious stone.

Charlie:
Yeah.

Stacey:
I think it is still quite traditional for the whole one knee thing, some kind of romantic gesture. I mean, I think then it's more down... Those are the really no-brainer, have to include those kind of things I guess. And then the others are a bit more maybe depending on the personality. So for me I wouldn't have wanted a public place.

Charlie:
No, [um]. And a public place. Like even a restaurant. Big no-no.

Stacey:
Yeah. Cringe.

Charlie:
Yeah, cringe.

Stacey:
Wouldn't wouldn't have enjoyed that. So yeah, for me, I was keen for a... or very happy and appreciative of a secluded spot that you chose. Nice work. Um. But yeah, I think each to their own. Some people like a bit of a public display of affection.

Charlie:
Yeah. We've seen quite a few of them in Sydney, haven't we?

Stacey:
Very popular in Sydney. I think the whole set-up down near the harbour with the rose petals and the big sign saying, will you marry me?

Charlie:
Hmm.

Stacey:
Delightful.

Charlie:
Oh, bit of sarcasm there. I say. Yeah. So you don't like it to be too in-your-face?

Stacey:
Yeah, I think I'm a bit... We're both a maybe a little bit anti-cringe.

Charlie:
Anti cringe.

Stacey:
Yeah. [Yeah]. Do you want to explain anti cringe?

Charlie:
Cringe is the feeling of discomfort from a social situation, I'd say.

Stacey:
Yeah.

Charlie:
To cringe, to feel uncomfortable like your shoulders often go up and ooh [yeah]. That kind of feeling.

Stacey:
Some people say it gives you the ick.

Charlie:
It gives you the ick. [Yeah]. This is all young lingo that I'm already past.

Stacey:
This is why I'm here.

Charlie:
This is why you're here. Bringing the real English back. It gives you the ick. It's cringe. Okay?

Stacey:
I mean, some endearing terms like darling or sweetheart or or babe could give you the ick.

Charlie:
Oh, good. Very good. Yeah, yeah, babe. Yeah.

Stacey:
Ick.

Charlie:
Can you just say ick?

Stacey:
No.

Charlie:
No, you got to say it gives me... That gives me the ick. [Yes]. Yeah. Okay, okay. Ick vibes?

Stacey:
No,

Charlie:
No, no. You can't say that.

Stacey:
Never say it.

Charlie:
Icky? Can you do it like a 'y'? Icky vibes. No, that sounds silly.

Stacey:
No that's, that's, that's a bit um... I think you'd have to deliver that to a baby probably. [Uh huh].Icky [Yeah] is more...

Charlie:
Informal, young baby talk.

Stacey:
Yeah.

Charlie:
Okay. Okay. Going back to the proposal traditions, what about asking somebody before the actual person?

Stacey:
So typically the male in tradition asks the father of the bride, father of the female for permission. Actually, I think if we're talking on traditions, typically the male asks the father for the hand in marriage. So actually the proposal, if we're going way, way, way back, is actually just between the groom and the father. The the female actually...

Charlie:
Doesn't have a say.

Stacey:
Yeah, because I think way back when the father socially owned the daughter and the groom or the suitor is basically asking to buy the daughter from the father.

Charlie:
It sounds like you've been watching too much of The Crown.

Stacey:
Or Bridgerton.

Charlie:
Or Bridgerton. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's.

Stacey:
Yeah, yeah. That's all my historical information.

Charlie:
Okay, so I asked your father, were you happy with that?

Stacey:
But you also asked my mum.

Charlie:
Yes,

Stacey:
Yes.

Charlie:
Look at your face! You're like wait, you did ask my mum as well right? Yeah. I asked both of them.

Stacey:
Yeah. I think it's more, I don't know how you did it, but I think it's more making them aware that you're going to do it rather than asking like outright permission.

Charlie:
I felt a bit traditional with that and I wanted to ask them, [yeah], I put in the formal sentence, so I would love to ask for your consent - no - I would love to ask for your permission for me to ask Stacey for her.

Stacey:
Did you say blessing?

Charlie:
No, I said permission, I think...

Stacey:
Permission. Oh, interesting.

Charlie:
I'd love to ask your...

Stacey:
I mean, you are a bit old school so...

Charlie:
...daughter for her hand in marriage, if that's okay, that's okay.

Stacey:
If that's okay, please, if you don't mind. Thank you very much. I'd really appreciate it.

Charlie:
But it was a bit underwhelming, considering it was on video call. [Okay]. I think because of COVID, it was fine. I would have liked to do it....

Stacey:
Yeah, yeah. I would have expected. We also live like ten and a half thousand kilometres away.

Charlie:
Is that true?

Stacey:
True.

Charlie:
Okay.

Stacey:
10,684.

Charlie:
So, yeah, I asked them then I got down on one knee, didn't I?

Stacey:
You did. I mean, I think you were already on one knee. I think you got up from seated to one knee, but same thing.

Charlie:
True? Yes. On the sand.

Stacey:
Nice cushion for the knee.

Charlie:
Yeah, I was, I was kneeling there for a bit too long. [Yeah]. Because I was... You were watching a video. [Mm hmm]. But anyway, this isn't about the engagement. They know about that. I did a whole episode on that. Guys, you can go listen to that if you really, really want. But yeah, so the proposal that's done with. What about the tradition of the wedding rings to begin with?

Stacey:
Engagement or wedding rings?

Charlie:
Both. [Okay]. So you would like to have an engagement ring, and that is typically diamonds.

Stacey:
Typically, although I think it's becoming, I don't know, maybe the modern couples are making it a bit more socially acceptable for it to be other stones now. But yes, traditionally diamond, but I think diamond only because it's a very hardwearing stone that can last a lifetime.

Charlie:
I think there's still the status.

Stacey:
Yeah, true.

Charlie:
Of how much money it costs the groom to get it. [Yeah]. Yeah. Because we've had a group of four couples around us in Australia. Two Brits, two Australians. Well the grooms were British. Yeah. And all of them wanted diamonds, right?

Stacey:
Correct. Yeah.

Charlie:
So they've got that. And then the wedding band?

Stacey:
Yeah, the wedding band. What about it?

Charlie:
So we exchange the rings on the day of the wedding, right?

Stacey:
Yes. [Yeah] yeah. Wedding bands.

Charlie:
Made of what?

Stacey:
Made of whatever you want, really. I think.

Charlie:
So not another diamond.

Stacey:
Not another diamond. I mean people do have now more so these days I think people have quite diamond encrusted wedding bands, especially the females or same sex couples maybe. But, um, I think we will probably go for a, probably a plain gold wedding band, I imagine.

Charlie:
Yeah.

Stacey:
I think you're quite keen on gold, aren't you?

Charlie:
Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I don't think silver suits me, but none of them really suit me. I've got dainty little hands.

Stacey:
And you've never really worn a ring before. It's quite a weird thing for a guy, actually, if you're not used to wearing [definitely] too much jewellery. I mean, some guys do wear jewellery, but for you, you have never, I've never seen you wear a ring in your life.

Charlie:
Yeah. I just realised because I broke my ring finger recently, that knuckle is swollen. So if I had done that any closer to the date that would have been a problem, wouldn't it? I wouldn't have been able to get it over that.

Stacey:
No, that would have been awkward.

Charlie:
Yeah. Okay. So the rings are done with. What about the dress on the wedding day?

Stacey:
What about it?

Charlie:
Is it just a bog standard cocktail dress, if that can ever be paired - bog standard and cocktail dress. Cocktail dress normally means very sophisticated, right?

Stacey:
Cocktail. Yeah, but I think it typically is like a calf length dress just below the knee...

Charlie:
That's why you're here.

Stacey:
...I think is a typical cocktail. I mean, I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure.

Charlie:
Calf length or just be no - below the knee.

Stacey:
Yeah, [right]. Midi midi-length.

Charlie:
So are you going to wear a cocktail dress to the wedding?

Stacey:
No, I think the dress is very much dependent on what kind of day you're planning. So I think if if you've got like a city wedding, you might wear a cocktail dress or something less kind of flamboyant, a bit more like city chic vibes. If you're doing a city wedding, maybe something a bit less flamboyant, a bit more simple and chic. But if you're doing maybe a, I don't know, a beach wedding, maybe something a bit more beachy, and then there's like boho weddings.

Charlie:
The main thing about the dress, it's white, right?

Stacey:
It is white, yes. Should have got to that sooner.

Charlie:
It's white. So why is it white?

Stacey:
Well, I actually just Googled this today in anticipation of this podcast, and I think we both thought that it's white because of the symbolic representation that white kind of symbolises virginity and innocence and...

Charlie:
Awkward.

Stacey:
Yeah. How many virgin...? There's still quite a few virgin brides out there?There is! It's a thing!

Charlie:
There are! Not just one?

Stacey:
Yes. So, yes, that the white symbolises typically the virginity of the bride. However, we upon a Google search realised today that actually it was Queen Victoria in 1840-something that actually made the white wedding dress trendy. And apparently it just so happened that that white wedding dress then fit into kind of Christianity's belief of of wearing white to a lot of religious ceremonies, like baptisms and stuff. So I think that's kind of just a bit of a happy coincidence in a way.

Charlie:
Yeah. Nice, nice. Yeah. So you're going to have a white wedding dress.

Stacey:
I was thinking pink, actually. Bright fuchsia.

Charlie:
My suit is pink. We'll look great! No, I haven't got a suit. Guys don't get the suits until much closer to the time, typically.

Stacey:
I mean, typically I think women don't get their dresses until probably about eight, 8 to 12 months, I think now.

Charlie:
I think so the trying on of the dress is a thing. So people will go with their bridesmaids or their maid of honour.

Stacey:
Or, I think Mum is the most popular mother of the bride is the most traditional person to take with you on that appointment, I think.

Charlie:
And those, those are quite special days if you go to a posh place because they give you champagne like they put you on one of those little stools and those.

Stacey:
a little podium.

Charlie:
Podiums. Thank you. And like a 360 mirror.

Stacey:
Yeah. I mean, I don't know if the mirror is a 360 mirror, but.

Charlie:
Oh, I've been on them. 360 baby. No. Yeah. 180.

Stacey:
Okay. Sure. 180. Yes.

Charlie:
Yeah. Or what. Maybe you might know being in interior design, a four piece mirror. Is that a thing?

Stacey:
Yeah.

Charlie:
No, you don't know.

Stacey:
I wouldn't, I wouldn't say that's an important part of the storytelling.

Charlie:
Good point. Good point. So you didn't get to do that?

Stacey:
No, but I might still do that.

Charlie:
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you went to a warehouse?

Stacey:
Yeah, I just randomly picked up a wedding dress at a warehouse. It was very spontaneous and underwhelming, but I loved it.

Charlie:
No, it wasn't underwhelming. You were very happy with it because you tried on I think you took three to the changing rooms. You were hungover. Yeah. You didn't want to go. You're like, Shall I even bother? [Yeah]. I said, yes. [Yeah]. You went on your own? [Yes]. Cos you don't have your maid of honour in Australia?

Stacey:
Mm hmm. I didn't have a maid of honour.

Charlie:
Oh.

Stacey:
Just to clarify.

Charlie:
She doesn't have any friends.

Stacey:
I love all my friends. All my bridesmaids equally.

Charlie:
Oh, yeah. There we go. So you went to this warehouse, and I don't know if you guys have seen this Friends episode where Monica goes to a warehouse of wedding dresses, but all of them are wearing whistles, and it's a very aggressive scene, and they're wrestling for the best dress and the best deal. [Mm hmm]. Is that kind of similar to what you had?

Stacey:
I mean, visually highly accurate, yes, it was a warehouse with just racks and racks of dresses. And I thought these were all terrible. I'm not going to try any of these on. And I only got peer pressured to try them on because it was kind of...

Charlie:
Peer pressured? You didn't have any friends.

Stacey:
Well, by the rest of the people there in the er... And the people working there and helping. They were very encouraging. They were like...

Charlie:
I bet they were.

Stacey:
...'Ooh, just try this on. This would look great. And so, yes, I picked up I think I think I picked up five, actually. [Okay]. And I tried I think I tried four. I don't think I tried the last one because I had gone off it by the time I was in there. But yes, the second one I tried on, I actually stepped onto the podium in that one. It was the first one I stepped onto the podium, and the two girls that were stood behind me in the queue both like gasped and said, Wow, you should buy this. And I was like, okay, I will, thanks.

Charlie:
That was lovely. And we were contemplating the idea of breaking a tradition. What was that?

Stacey:
Potentially going together. Shopping for a dress together. Is that what you were referring to?

Charlie:
I'm just going to say you were going to share the photo of it with me, because the tradition is that the bride doesn't show the dress at all to the groom until, you know, the reveal.

Stacey:
Well, I do think typically in the UK especially that that is still a thing, because my British friends, girlfriends, are like, oh my gosh, where are you going to store this dress? Like, where are you going to put it? And I'm like, in my wardrobe. And they're like, 'but it's going to be in the same apartment that Charlie is in'. And I'm like, 'is that a problem?'

Charlie:
You wake up one night and I'm just staring at it in the closet.

Stacey:
But, I mean, even if you stare at it.

Charlie:
No, I don't get that at all.

Stacey:
It's just white fabric hanging on a hanger.

Charlie:
I occasionally see the little bottom of it when I'm moving the closet doors.

Stacey:
Yeah, it's in a it's in like a case, a wrapper thing, but it is clear. So you can see.

Charlie:
And I can see that it's white. So you were lying earlier saying it was pink.

Stacey:
It is white. Yeah.

Charlie:
Yes. Yeah. But we don't do the reveal like Americans or Australians do, do we?

Stacey:
No, no, that's not true. I think the reveal thing is now worldwide. [Oh] It's called the first look.

Charlie:
The first look. And the first look is.

Stacey:
Just where you as a couple reveal yourselves to one another, how you look on the day before you do the whole walk down the aisle, the ceremony bit. And I think that's just a modern thing. I mean, I'm not sure. I don't know the original person that invented this thing. But yeah, I think it's more of a modern thing rather than an American thing specifically. I could be wrong.

Charlie:
Okay. I would guess that it's more American and Brits are starting to do it, maybe. It's come from America, I would guess.

Stacey:
Yeah, typically I think we tend to copy sometimes...

Charlie:
Yeah, but [...these things] normally I would think that the groom gets the first look at the bride when she's walking down the aisle because he's waiting at the top and she walks down the aisle and then he, like the wedding that we saw of our friends in February. That was his first moment. And he nearly cried, didn't he?

Stacey:
He did cry, I think.

Charlie:
He did cry.

Stacey:
Very sweet.

Charlie:
Yeah. Do you think I'll cry?

Stacey:
Yeah.

Charlie:
I've already seen the dress loads. I've worn it. You go to work Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. I'm in it.

Stacey:
Just sat at home playing PlayStation in my wedding dress.

Charlie:
Imagine. Oh, my God. That is something to think about.

Stacey:
I know.

Stacey:
Okay, we've got loads of things here to get through and we're already 30 minutes in.

Charlie:
We're faffing.

Stacey:
So let's skip a few. I think a weird one for some people would be throwing rice.

Stacey:
Oh yeah. I'm not sure about that one. I only heard about that one recently.

Charlie:
What did we used to throw?

Stacey:
I think rice is the thing we used to throw. And now we can and now we throw confetti.

Charlie:
Yes.

Stacey:
So typically now I think confetti is made from paper.

Charlie:
Yeah.

Stacey:
But my mom.

Charlie:
Biodegradable

Stacey:
Biodegradable, however...

Charlie:
And now, no we do petals. We do flower petals, don't we?

Stacey:
No. We're doing flower petals. But I think that's just because my mum...

Charlie:
...loves flowers.

Stacey:
Loves loves flowers and is growing flowers to dry petals.

Charlie:
Right. Okay. [Yeah]. And when do we throw it?

Stacey:
I think now people just make a moment to throw it. But I think it's supposed to be when you're walking back up the aisle. I don't know which direction we're going here.

Charlie:
You don't know, do you?

Stacey:
It's been...

Charlie:
We've been to a few. We've done it ourselves. It's when they leave the church. [Yes], the the wedding party.

Stacey:
But we're not having a church, so...

Charlie:
No, I know! But traditionally! These are called traditions!

Stacey:
Okay. Traditionally leaving the church, maybe everyone gathers outside. And as the bride and groom leave the church, they just throw stuff at them.

Charlie:
No eggs.

Stacey:
Preferably petals, rice or paper.

Charlie:
Yes. Yeah, but the rice thing, I think that got stopped because of the pigeons.

Stacey:
Oh, interesting. Because what? The pigeons ate the rice and then the... Oh. Poor pigeons.

Charlie:
Poor, poor pigeons.

Stacey:
Boo.

Stacey:
Boo. Coooooo! So that's the throwing of the rice. The wedding cake. [Okay]. Oh, come on. It's like getting blood out of a stone here.

Stacey:
I'm only one gin deep. How much...

Charlie:
No, you're two now.

Stacey:
Oh, yeah. One and a half. The wedding cake. Well, you keep just saying the topic.

Charlie:
Yes, that's because you're the wedding planner. You're the one... You've been dreaming about a wedding for your whole life...

Stacey:
No, I haven't!

...with me!

Stacey:
No, I have not!

Charlie:
You've waited until this moment. And finally, you've got it.

Stacey:
That is entirely inaccurate.

Charlie:
Obviously joking, but I think women know more about weddings than men.

Stacey:
Okay, true. What would you like to know about the wedding cake?

Charlie:
What does it look like? When do we have it? Why do we have it?

Stacey:
Okay, so recently actually in Australia, I mean, I know I'm talking about Australian traditions, but in the UK we have the wedding cake after the meal, before the first dance.

Charlie:
Does it look just like a birthday cake?

Stacey:
It's usually tiered. So 2 to 3 tiers I think is... 3 to 4 tiers is actually maybe is the norm. It's quite an elaborate cake. Also can be very expensive, but yes, it's typically a white cake I think is the most traditional colour for this cake. And then really if we're talking about traditions, the top layer of the cake, you keep it, you freeze it. And I think you consume it on either your first year anniversary or the birth of your first child.

Charlie:
Depending on whether you want children.

Stacey:
Or if you have yet to have children, which is maybe a tradition in itself.

Charlie:
And then the cutting of the cake.

Stacey:
Yes, the cutting of the cake in the UK we do after the meal, before the first dance. It's highly pretentious, in my opinion.

Charlie:
Well, I think we're getting to part three right now, skipping a bit, but I think the whole thing is a bit pretentious.

Stacey:
What a wedding in general? [Yes]. I mean, yeah, but Lol.

Charlie:
But you did phrase it the other day in a way that I'm a bit more comfortable with.

Stacey:
I've forgotten how I phrased it.

Charlie:
You said Don't think about it as people are coming to see you. Think of it as a thing that you're trying to make people happy to come to.

Stacey:
Did I say that?

Charlie:
Well, you said we're inviting people from far and wide.

Stacey:
Yeah, we are.

Charlie:
And we've got to make it a good day for them.

Stacey:
True. We're inviting 23 - Was it 23 or was it 29 people - that have to travel over 5 to 10000 miles to come to see us.

Charlie:
Got to put on a good show. [Yeah], yeah. We've got to cut the cake right? We're not even going to do the cake. Are we?

Stacey:
We might.

Charlie:
We might.

Stacey:
To be decided.

Charlie:
Yes. There's one tradition that you said that some other country does, either Australia or or America, where they feed the piece of cake to each other.

Stacey:
Yeah, I quite like that. I think it's quite fun.

Charlie:
Which one is it?

Stacey:
I'd quite like to smash a cake into your face.

Charlie:
Lovely.

Stacey:
It's America. America, do the cutting. I think Australia does it as well actually. But in America and Australia, when the bride and groom enters the reception part, so when they enter the room where they're having the wedding breakfast, which is not a breakfast, it's a dinner, the...

Charlie:
Why is it a breakfast?

Stacey:
They call it a wedding breakfast because it is the first meal shared as husband and wife.

Charlie:
Very good.

Stacey:
And therefore you are breaking the fast.

Charlie:
I love you. Very good. Well done.

Stacey:
So yes, that's why it's the wedding breakfast. But it's typically a dinner or a late lunch. And Aussies and Americans, I think they enter the room, definitely Australians enter the room and they go straight in and cut the cake, which to me baffles me because, you know, I feel like I need some, some savoury, delightful food before I consume cake. But I mean for you it might work. You quite like a bit of sweet before your savoury.

Charlie:
That's true. That's true. Yeah. Although you're starting to get me addicted to chocolate right after food.

Stacey:
I mean, I don't think I did that. I think you did it yourself.

Charlie:
You definitely did that.

Stacey:
I think you did it yourself.

Charlie:
No. So I think Koreans, they don't have much dancing.

Stacey:
Interesting.

Charlie:
They hire a space for about an hour or two. Sorry, guys, if I've got this completely wrong. But one student told me this a long time ago.

Stacey:
Feel free to correct him.

Charlie:
Yeah. And they, they have back to back weddings in the same venue. [No!] Multiple weddings on that day.

Stacey:
Wow. Well, that's actually becoming more common now since COVID. There's like with with venues in the UK because there's only so many venues and I think very high demand, more people are trying to get married, venues are having multiple weddings in one day. [Wow] Which is quite sad. I think like a day is supposed to be a bit special and I feel like you should have the venue to yourself for the whole day. Sad when you have to share it.

Charlie:
Yeah.

Stacey:
It's a lot of money as well.

Charlie:
I love you. You're so beautiful. The way you think. Yeah. Okay. They've got some other points here, but I think the other things that I want to talk about are better. So the speeches.

Stacey:
Oh, yeah. My favourite part.

Charlie:
Your favourite part. Okay, but let's go through the day. So we go from. Well, we should have talked about the hen and stag do.

Stacey:
Oh yeah. That's a fun bit.

Charlie:
Go on then. Actually. Shall I do it?

Stacey:
You do it.

Charlie:
I'll do it very quickly.

Stacey:
And I'll correct you.

Yes. The stag do is the.

Stacey:
Also known as...

Charlie:
...the bachelor party.

Stacey:
Also known as...

Charlie:
...the Buck's Party.

Stacey:
Correct.

Charlie:
Very good. Well done.

Stacey:
Ten out of ten.

Charlie:
Bucks is Australian, bachelor is American, British is stag. The males of the party traditionally the males [traditionally] the groom, The the male who is getting married to the bride. His friends take him on a trip, sometimes unknown to him until getting there. They blindfold him and they say, Pack whatever or don't even take a suitcase. [Mm hmm]. Really bullying him, basically.

Stacey:
I think this is current times.

Charlie:
Okay.

Stacey:
Because I don't know if a trip was, I think, only in the last like 5 to 10 years it's become a trip. I think originally it was...

Charlie:
It was just one night.

Stacey:
...a singular event. Yeah. One night.

Charlie:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I know of when I was younger was hen dos was basically a small group of loud women with plastic bibs that were breasts and a sachet across that.

Stacey:
That's a sash, not a sachet.

Charlie:
What's a sachet. Oh a...

Stacey:
Something that ketchup comes in.

Charlie:
A sash. A sash is the thing that Miss America or Miss...

Stacey:
Universe.

Charlie:
Universe wears, right?

Stacey:
Correct.

Charlie:
Yes. And that is across their their plastic chest.

Stacey:
Why are they wearing a plastic chest?

Charlie:
I don't know. I just remember this as a kid. And these...

Stacey:
Really?

Charlie:
Yeah. Loud women were drinking...

Stacey:
What about willy straws?

Charlie:
What?

Stacey:
What about willy straws?

Charlie:
Willy straws? No, they were later. They were. They were a thing that came in when we were teenagers and maybe twenties in our twenties. [Okay]. But yeah. So I just remember Hen dos was just loud local party of pretty unsophisticated debauchery.

Stacey:
Wow. This is a huge stereotype right here.

Charlie:
Yeah, but that's what we're doing.

Stacey:
True, we're stereotyping. Okay yeah.

Charlie:
We're doing traditions. And now it's more about European holidays for three or four nights.

Stacey:
You're so current.

Charlie:
You're giving me the ick. That's my last one. Yeah. And as I was saying, stag dos, they bully the, the groom quite a lot. [Do they?] They get them really drunk, they make them do all sorts of naughty things. And apparently they don't tell anybody.

Stacey:
Oh, okay.

Charlie:
I'm not up for that. I'm just going to go somewhere delightful in Spain with Harry.

Stacey:
Yeah, I think we... From the stag and the hen front, we're slightly unorthodox, maybe in in our wishes and requests from some stag dos and hen dos. But yeah, traditionally I think I've only in the last few years actually it's become less gender specific. I think before it was really like, you know, the men go on the stag do and the, the girls go on the hen do and that's the social norm. [Yeah]. Whereas I feel like definitely now it's more Yeah. There's, there's more of a like gender dynamic. I feel like you would quite like a couple of girls on your stag do, I guess? I don't know if you can even call it a stag do.

Charlie:
No. Yeah, I don't know. I do have a couple of girls that are best friends from home, so yes, but also I don't really want a big group.

Stacey:
No, yeah.

Charlie:
I mean, we were thinking of doing a little ski trip when we're back in Europe because we like skiing. [Yeah]. And it's just an excuse for a little holiday.

Stacey:
Yeah. I think now that way more than ever, things like elopement and micro weddings are becoming a thing, mainly because of COVID and everything that's gone on and and how hard it is now to planning a wedding. And I think the increasing expense of a wedding.

Charlie:
Oh, my God, yeah.

Stacey:
So I actually think that typical hen parties and stag do's are maybe becoming yeah, a bit a bit different or at least in our social peer group, I think they're becoming a little bit different and I think we would quite like something potentially a little bit different. We don't really know because we're not planning that far ahead.

Charlie:
No, no. So we're stepping into the planning part by what you said there, the budget and like what we've done. So we'll get into that in part two and we're coming to the end of Part one now. So just to clarify, we have the stag do and the hen do. Then we have the day itself where typically the bride and groom do not sleep in the same bed the night before.

Stacey:
I know. I actually wanted to ask you about this.

Charlie:
What? You want to do this now? [Yeah] Right.

Stacey:
Would you like to sleep in the same bed before...?

Charlie:
Hell, no! I want one last night of debauchery. No. One last night of star fishing.

Stacey:
Single sleeping? Oh, yeah. Love a starfish. I was also thinking about this. And because you're such a terrible sleeper, and I know you'll be nervous and you'll be up all night. I would be so angry with you if we slept in the same bed the night before.

Charlie:
Oh yeah! No, I definitely don't want to sleep in the same bed as you.

Stacey:
You're gonna be tossing and turning, and I'm going to be punching you. And then we'll wake up bitter at one another that we got a terrible night's sleep, so. Yeah.

Charlie:
Yeah, good idea.

Stacey:
We've made this decision on air.

Charlie:
Yeah, on air. You know, this isn't a radio station.

Stacey:
What, we're not live?

Charlie:
New, so we don't sleep in the same bed. We wake up and then have a little. Well, you put on your face.

Stacey:
Takes a whole 7 hours.

Charlie:
Oh, my God. Some weddings. The bridal party have to get up at six in the morning [Yeah] to start doing their makeup and hair which [yeah] upsets me to my core.

Stacey:
I mean, it upsets me too, which is the reason why I've decided to do my own makeup, which might be a terrible [No, you're good at that] decision in hindsight, but I just don't want to wake up at 6 a.m., have to start the whole process of one in, one out of the hair and makeup chair, so yeah [yeah] I would prefer to go for a walk, do some yoga, have a bacon sandwich, and then sit down and do my makeup at like 11.

Charlie:
Hilarious. You've got a bacon sandwich in there. But yeah, I like that.

Stacey:
Priorities.

Charlie:
I like that a lot. I'd quite like to join you on that.

Stacey:
No, you can't.

Charlie:
No, we won't. No, we won't do that. But I also feel like a big part of it is getting your hair and makeup done. And then often the bride or the the bridesmaids look really different to what they're normally like.

Stacey:
Dramatic change.

Charlie:
To the point where it's too much because UK does overdo it with makeup.

Stacey:
We've definitely witnessed a bit too much and because I am maybe more interested in in wedding stuff and bridal stuff and makeup stuff at the moment I've really noticed, especially on social media, the crazy amount of makeup that people put on their face just for one day.

Charlie:
Right.

Stacey:
And then whenever you're kissing anyone...

Charlie:
What, you mean just generally or, no, on the wedding?

Stacey:
The bride? Yeah. The bride and the bridal party, um, typically have way more makeup on their face than they ever would in any other even party or celebration setting. And yeah, I think it kind of makes them become a different person. And also, I kind of feel like on your wedding day, you're probably going to kiss and hug more people in one day than you ever will in your whole entire life. And having all of that makeup on your face is just going to become a very messy situation.

Charlie:
But that's why they do the air thing. What's it called? The air spray. The spray?

Stacey:
I'm just going to leave him hanging. Yeah.

Charlie:
The spray on makeup.

Stacey:
Definitely not.

Charlie:
No?

Stacey:
Do you want to go again? The first word is air.

Charlie:
Air makeup.

Stacey:
No. Carry on.

Charlie:
Air...

Stacey:
What you used to...

Charlie:
Foundation?

Stacey:
What you used to paint with?

Charlie:
Airbrushed. Airbrushed!

Stacey:
Nice! Nailed it.

Charlie:
We'll just edit the middle bit out. Yeah. So airbrushing is like water proof, isn't it?

Stacey:
I don't think people do that now, though. I think it's a bit dated.

Charlie:
Oh, it's a bit dated.

Stacey:
Yeah. I think that's like 2018.

Charlie:
Okay, well, we've been going for way too long. That's going to be a hell of a transcribe. So we're going to end part one there.

Stacey:
I'm hungry.

Charlie:
We've got a good dinner coming up. Haven't we? We've got some meatballs...

Stacey:
Some pasta, some roasted veggies.

Charlie:
Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. But yeah, that's the end of part one. We're going to go on to part two where we discuss our budget for the wedding.

Stacey:
Oof! Pain.

Charlie:
Or, you know, maybe not. No, maybe the specifics.

Stacey:
I mean, I'm happy to disclose.

Charlie:
Oh, okay. And then part three we'll also be talking about whether we hate each other from this experience or not.

Stacey:
Ick!

Charlie:
But yeah, thank you very much for joining me in part one. Stace, why are you taking your headphones off? We've got part two.

Stacey:
I need the bathroom.

Charlie:
And a gin. You need another gin. We have come to the end of Part one, so feel free to take a break from your listening practice. But if you're happy to keep going, then we're now moving on to part two of this episode. Thanks so much for being a premium or Academy member and enjoy the rest of the show. Okay. All right. Cheers.

Stacey:
Oh, cheers.

Charlie:
Oh, that was loud.

Stacey:
That was a bit aggressive. Let's go again.

Charlie:
A little bit...

Stacey:
No, no. That's still terrible.

Charlie:
Why is it....?

Stacey:
Clink the bottom. Bottom to top. Mm, our glasses are cheap. Insert clip of nice little clink.

Charlie:
You think I've got the time to do that, do you? Goodness me. Right. We are back to part two of this episode. How to plan a wedding in the UK. Yeah. Where would you like to start with wedding planning?

Stacey:
Ooh, okay. Well, I think we should say that we are still 14 months off of our wedding date. And how far have we got in the planning?

Charlie:
We have got - Thus far, we have, we've just sent the save the date invite, which is not the actual invite.

Stacey:
Hang on though. We have just sent the save the date for international people. So any people that have to travel like really far.

Charlie:
Yeah.

Stacey:
Not the regular save the date.

Charlie:
The regulars will be on the 12 month period.

Stacey:
Roughly, yeah.

Charlie:
12 months away from the date. Mm hmm. Okay, so we've done the save the dates. We've done the caterers.

Stacey:
Uh uhhh.

Charlie:
What do you mean?

Stacey:
I mean, we. We've spoke to the people, but... Oh, Alexa, stop.

Charlie:
Are you drunk?

Stacey:
Yes. Okay. So what have we done?

Charlie:
I just told you, we've done the caterers. We've got the caterers secured. We've got food for the event.

Stacey:
Correct. We haven't paid a deposit.

Charlie:
No, we haven't paid. [Okay]. But we've booked them in.

Stacey:
Yes. Because they are kind of a friend of the family.

Charlie:
Okay. So we've got the Save the Dates, caterers, we've got the band, the musicians.

Stacey:
Yes. Locked and Loaded.

Charlie:
And we're excited about them.

Stacey:
We love them.

Charlie:
That's quite a big part of a wedding [Yeah] in the UK.

Stacey:
I think, I think a lot of people try and pick like 2 to 3 things that are the most important thing to them, unless you have like an unlimited budget. I think it's good to - top tip - I think it's good to pick 2 to 3 things that matter the most to you as a couple and be willing to invest in those things. And a band was one of those things for us.

Charlie:
Yes. Should we say in unison the other one. Three, two, one. The flowers.

Stacey:
The photographer.

Charlie:
No, the the photographer was the second one for us. Musician - band number one. Photographer second. I wasn't too fussed about the food, but I think you're a bit more picky about food.

Stacey:
You got to have good food.

Charlie:
Yeah, I just feel like. When there's so much excitement, I can't really enjoy a meal.

Stacey:
No, that's true. I think for us, we probably will be too excited and too overwhelmed by having all of our favourite people ever in the whole entire world in one space at one time [Yeah] but I think it's good to have good food. But I am not... I'm not too fussed about the whole three course dinner thing. We are having a buffet.

Charlie:
A buffet to break the fast.

Stacey:
And yeah I'm okay with that. Actually a buffet isn't any for us, just to say a buffet isn't any cheaper. But I think a buffet we think will get people up and mingling a bit. And we like the casualness of a buffet and the fact that it maybe meets more people's dietary requirements like veggies and or if you're in Australia and a vego.

Charlie:
Oh God really. Do they say Vego?

Stacey:
Vego. That's a...

Charlie:
I've never heard that.

...a vegetarian.

Charlie:
I understand. I'm not an idiot, but I've never heard them say Vego. [Yeah] Okay, fair enough.

Stacey:
You alright,vego?

Charlie:
You. Are you all right, Vegetarian? That wouldn't...

Stacey:
You're a vego.

Charlie:
Yeah. You'd say you're a vego.

Stacey:
You alright, vego?

Charlie:
No, you wouldn't say that.

Stacey:
What's up, vego?

Charlie:
Goodness me, too many gins. Sorry, guys. So, um, we have also included we have also managed to secure the photographer.

Stacey:
Correct.

Charlie:
The videographers.

Stacey:
I know, which we weren't originally planning to do. But so many people said to us that they regretted not having a videographer. And that video really like captures the essence of the day and that we would look back on it every year. And to be fair, we do love a video.

Charlie:
We do. I mean, I once upon a time used to do a lot of that. And I even did a couple of wedding videos. I was a wedding videographer for a short period of time.

Stacey:
And we love a good holiday video and that kind of thing, so...

Charlie:
And still, I was unable to to do the task that you gave me, wasn't I? To choose the videographer? You gave me so many little tasks and I failed.

Stacey:
You failed me.

Charlie:
I didn't fail you. You just wanted them done 16 months ahead of time.

Stacey:
Yeah, but unfortunately, realistically, the UK is being booked up that far in advance.

Charlie:
Yeah. And that is true.

Stacey:
That's just the way it is.

Charlie:
Yeah. Some of the people were fully booked.

Stacey:
I know we sound ridiculous, but yeah I think we quite realistically we, we, I think I contacted 16 videographers and most of them were fully booked and with the ones that we like, because unfortunately we're quite picky, I'm a graphic designer and that makes me a bit.

Charlie:
Snobby.

Stacey:
Aesthetically pretentious.

Charlie:
Oh, good. I like that. Aesthetically pretentious.

Stacey:
And Charlie's just aesthetically pretentious, naturally.

Charlie:
Because of you.

Stacey:
And so, yeah, unfortunately for the people we liked the vibe of and wanted someone really, like, discreet and natural and not to cringe ick in your face. [Mm hmm]. I think there was only, like, two or three to choose from.

Charlie:
Yeah. So we got, um, photographer, videographer, caterers, music sorted. We're also doing a thing where we don't actually get married on the day legally. We're going to the town hall two days before and getting the legal contract signed. We're making a day of it with our family, our nuclear families. Yeah. It's not normal English, is it?

Stacey:
No, I've never really heard that.

Charlie:
That's a bit weird, isn't it? I've used it a few times, but it's because I'm a linguist, darling. Yeah, nuclear. You know what nuclear means? You know what nuclear means. Apart from nuclear power. Nuclear family? What's nuclear family?No?

Stacey:
I'm shaking my head.

Charlie:
It means your imminent, your close brothers, your siblings, your parents.

Stacey:
What about your nibblings?

Charlie:
No. What are nibblings? Go on.

Stacey:
Nibbling to our nieces and nephews.

Charlie:
Yeah.

Stacey:
Yeah. So we are actually doing something semi non traditional and actually legally getting married two days before our main celebration I suppose.

Charlie:
And this is because we don't want to get married in a church. We're not religious.

Stacey:
Ummmmm....

Charlie:
Oh, sorry. No. You believe in heaven, don't you? You just don't want to waste your Sundays. That's right.

Stacey:
How rude. I don't know if we should go into this on a podcast, but, um, yes, we are in slight disagreement. But yes, I think we didn't foresee ourselves making a commitment in the House of God. I think it doesn't resonate with us as a couple, and it sounds a bit kind of cliche to say, but I think couples that practice religion as part of their relationship should kind of celebrate their relationship in the House of God and kind of vow to one another in front of God and everything like that. But unfortunately, we don't practice that in our day to day life. So yeah, it didn't it didn't seem authentic or honest of us to do to get married in a church.

Charlie:
Very nicely put.

Stacey:
So instead, obviously, we want to do it from a legal perspective. So we are getting married in a town hall. The town hall that we I would like to get married in is very pretty, but it only seats, I think 40 people. So instead we've decided to keep it very small for the legal day and just have our parents, our siblings and our nibblings.

Charlie:
Yeah. So you're actually bringing up a good point because you've been to a number of weddings over the last five or so years and most of them have been fairly traditional with the church in the morning. Then you go to the reception, you have the wedding breakfast, speeches, music, and you then went to another wedding that did all of this in one place in the back garden of the parents' house of the bride. And that was the one that you had the most fun.

Stacey:
Yeah, I'm basically copying one friend's wedding, so.

Charlie:
And it was the cheapest. So you learnt from that that it's not about traditions, it's about what you value as fun basically and putting putting together [Yeah] interesting event for your friends.

Stacey:
I think the way not necessarily just for your friends, but I think the way in which we're trying to do it...

Charlie:
and nibblings

Stacey:
...is just creating, not necessarily focusing too much on the traditions and the rules, but just focusing on what we think we will enjoy the most and what we think our closest friends and family will also enjoy, I guess. I think we are thinking semi outside the box in terms of, kind of how we want our day to go. So not sticking to having to go to a church, not sticking to like having to vow certain things to one another. And the way in which we're doing it actually means that on the day, on the actual weekend where everyone comes, hopefully, we haven't invited them yet.

Charlie:
No friends.

Stacey:
Please come if you're... If you're invited. We're hoping that by doing it this way, we have the most flexibility to kind of have the essentially fake ceremony that we will kind of all enjoy. [Yeah] You can have free rein, I guess what I'm trying to say, because if you do get married in a church or in a legal setting, you're kind of bound to certain song choices, you're bound to certain vows, you're bound to certain lawful agreements. And for us, because we will essentially be having something that is most like a humanist ceremony. Unfortunately, humanist ceremonies aren't legal in England, but we'll be having something most similar to that. It means we can just kind of do whatever we want and whatever we think is fun and whatever we think is most fitting to us as a couple and what we quite like. And yeah, I think that will be enjoyable for hopefully all of our closest friends and family.

Charlie:
Yeah, yeah. How much is this going to cost us? [Oof!] What's the bunce?

Stacey:
Well, I mean, we've really tried. I say we've really tried. I've really tried to keep the budget minimal. And I'm sure some people will think this is outrageous and I'm sure some people will think this is.

Charlie:
The opposite.

Stacey:
The opposite. But I think I always imagined a wedding not costing us any more than like if I could have a number, it would be £14,000. That's my number for a wedding back in the day when I knew nothing. And let me tell you, it is very, very hard to keep it unless you have a really unorthodox wedding. If you want a semi traditional wedding with typically 80 to 100 guests, it is very difficult to keep it within that. If you have a typical meal, a typical ceremony, a typical band, a typical drinks menu and a typical day, I think it's very difficult to keep it within that budget. So I think we're currently looking at around £21,000, which is outrageous, and...

Charlie:
Thanks for being a premium or academy... If you're a premium member, upgrade to the academy. Thanks. Yeah, yeah. Now I'm I'm a little bit behind you on the savings front, but I'm trying to do my best. But yeah, you guys are supporting me, so thank you. But I wouldn't say that it's... See, I had a problem with spending this much because it's.

Stacey:
I mean, I have a problem with spending this much.

Charlie:
Okay. Because it's one day.

Stacey:
It is one day. However, hopefully we will also only do this once. And also, despite it being one day over 20 something people will be travelling long and far to come and witness this day and celebrate with us. And also it's kind of a lead up to the day. It's the whole like we're now 14 months out, it's now 14 months of kind of things and celebrations and hen parties and stag dos and lots of other things surrounding this day that create the excitement and the whole buzz around it, really. So it is one day, however, you are kind of investing in at least one year's worth of happiness, I hope! For your sake, maybe not.

Charlie:
I'm going to make you feel a bit more comfortable with how much we're spending.

Stacey:
Oh, I'd love that. Please do.

Charlie:
So couples spend about $185,000 to get married in the UAE.

Stacey:
Oh! How much is that in GBP?

Charlie:
Um, about 100.

Stacey:
£100,000?

Charlie:
One eight, £150,000. The UAE, though, there's a lot of money there.

Stacey:
Yeah, true.

Charlie:
Australia, around 67,000 USD.

Stacey:
USD in Australia. Wow.

Charlie:
67 - 54 UK.

Stacey:
This is helping.

Charlie:
The average wedding in the UK comes in at...

Stacey:
Thirty?

Charlie:
£27,000.

Stacey:
Oh yeah, I would have said that as well.

Charlie:
The average wedding in Kenya is 34,000 USD.

Stacey:
Wow, that's surprising.

Charlie:
US, 33,000 USD.

Stacey:
I would have thought that was more to be fair.

Charlie:
But they don't do what are they missing? We have grand castles, I feel like sometimes. We're not getting married in a castle. But when I think...

Stacey:
To be fair, our venue's free.

Charlie:
Our venue is free and we're still spending this much!

Stacey:
I know.

Charlie:
I can't believe it.

Stacey:
Why are we doing this?!

Charlie:
No, we've got a good band,

Stacey:
Great band.

Charlie:
Great band.

Stacey:
Yeah, spending a bit much on our band, but it'll be great, great times.

Charlie:
Yeah. I wanted to get to India because I heard that Indians spend a huge.

Stacey:
Yeah, they have like four day celebrations. [Yeah]. I mean, technically we're having a four day celebration, but it's not really...

Charlie:
How much do Indians spend on a wedding on average?

Stacey:
Can I have a guess?

Charlie:
Yes.

Stacey:
I'm going to say 67 USD.

Charlie:
67,000 USD. That's what you're saying? [Mm hmm]. Middle-middle class might spend anywhere between... What's two lacs? So I think two lacs is like is 200,000 Indian rupee, which is £2,000. So it's not much.

Stacey:
How?

Charlie:
I don't get that.

Stacey:
Please tell me how that's possible and how I can also spend that much.

Charlie:
Yeah, I've not got a good fact.

Stacey:
Maybe it's because of currency, like price of living.

Charlie:
Maybe.

Stacey:
Cost of resources?

Charlie:
Cost of resources, yes. [yes] Okay, so going back to the wedding planning. Mm hmm. We found our venue through your father.

Stacey:
Mm hmm. Thanks, Dad.

Charlie:
He is the manager of a wedding? No,

Stacey:
No, he's not.

Charlie:
Not wedding of a, um. Of a, uh, goodness me, garden centre. [Correct]. But the garden centre has a Georgian manor house and beautiful surroundings. Garden surroundings. [Mm hmm]. And so we're going to put a marquee up outside the Georgian house, right?

Stacey:
Yeah. We're very lucky. This... The gardens of this property used to be part of the National Trust, which in the UK is a protected garden society. Is that correct?

Charlie:
Yeah.

Stacey:
And yeah, very, very luckily we were able to have access to that beautiful garden, acres and acres, walled garden, rose garden, formal garden, lily garden, all of these gardens. And we can just pop a little tent up in the garden.

Charlie:
Don't say tent, darling.

Stacey:
It's technically a tent in the in the US. They call it a wedding tent.

Charlie:
Yeah, but we're in the UK.

Stacey:
And the UK we call it a marquee.

Charlie:
Because a tent is what you go to Glastonbury and do a festival.

Stacey:
Yeah. We'll be having a marquee, hopefully a petal pole marquee, fancy.

Charlie:
Wow. And these are expensive.

Stacey:
They do come at a higher price, yes. Yes. Hopefully we are putting up a marquee in the walled garden, which is a formal garden with a beautiful fountain. And we're hoping of having glorious August weather. Keep fingers, toes crossed.

Charlie:
Yes. The other thing that I wanted to talk about was the guest list, because we've tried to whittle it down to 80 to 90 people.

Stacey:
Correct.

Charlie:
Normally, I think it's fair to say normally in the UK, people have a day list and a night list. This means that those that are closer to them come for the whole day and night and those that are the B listers come just for the night.

Stacey:
Yeah. Which our friends in Australia, this concept just completely baffles them because here, their, I guess as Charlie phrased it, b-listers come to just the ceremony because the ceremony is what costs the least in Australia and then they go home and only witness the ceremony. And then the people that are closest to the bride and groom continue on throughout the rest of the day and celebrate. But in the UK we have the same guests at the ceremony and the initial reception being the wedding breakfast and then more people can add on in the evening and just have a party, which I think suits us because we do definitely have a party friends and then our friends that we would invite for dinner and cook a dinner for them. So that's how we've somewhat defined our list.

Charlie:
Yeah. Yeah. Nice. So we've got about 80 to 90 people coming, hopefully or we're inviting.

Stacey:
We're inviting 86 adults.

Charlie:
86 adults.

Stacey:
Hoping to get to 76. Well, like hoping that 76 agree to coming. I mean if 86 agreed, that'd be great. But we are asking quite a few people to come a huge amount of distance. So yeah, we'd love to have around 90, including children on the day. And Charlie and I have ten nibblings. Nieces and nephews.

Charlie:
Yeah.

Stacey:
Technically ten. One unborn. One not even probably conceived actually. We're anticipating by next year that there'll be ten.

Charlie:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So we've got the list and is there anything. Yeah, there is something a bit difficult about choosing that because we've got extended family that get a bit upset that sometimes you don't go that extra step and invite, you know...

Stacey:
It can be definitely quite political and can cause kind of family rifts or feuds, the whole like inviting system. I think we're quite fortunate actually. We don't have... Neither of us have big families. I don't have any cousins. So my family is, is quite.

Charlie:
My God I. Yeah. I've not appreciated that. You've got no cousins.

Stacey:
No cousins. So that trims, trims a few extras off.

Charlie:
Yeah.

Stacey:
And your family is actually not too big. You do have cousins, you got six cousins. But it's not. It's not a big family. You don't have a full on extended family. And yeah, I think we're a bit ruthless as well actually, with our inviting. I think we created a bit of a system that we have to have known the people together as a couple. They have to have had a serious impact on our life so far. Sounds super cliche. Or we have to kind of envision a bit of a future with them and that's maybe our friends kind of checklist of who who made the cut. And then we've invited direct family, which is like siblings, nieces and nephews and first cousins and that's it, really?

Charlie:
Yeah.

Stacey:
That is the list.

Charlie:
There we go. Well, that's how to plan a wedding.

Stacey:
Sure.

Charlie:
That's a perfect guide.

Stacey:
I'm not sure it is, but.

Charlie:
I think it's...

Stacey:
It's a little snapshot and...

Charlie:
A snapshot. Yeah. Oh, we haven't talked about gifts and honeymoon, but we'll leave that.

Stacey:
We don't know about those things.

Charlie:
We're not...

Stacey:
We're not qualified to help with those.

Charlie:
Things. Yeah. That's after the fact, isn't it.

Stacey:
Yeah. Maybe we'll do it.

Charlie:
If we were lucky enough to get a gift.

Stacey:
Maybe we'll do a post-wedding episode.

Charlie:
Oh, and this. Yeah, this is... The reason I did this episode is because I obviously wanted to make a podcast with Stacey again, a podcast episode with Stacey again, but also because Stacey loves to talk about weddings.

Stacey:
And Charlie hates it.

Charlie:
And I hate it.

Stacey:
With every fibre of his being. He would rather talk about anything else. He has banned me from talking about this. So this has been a delight. Thank you.

Charlie:
This is rolling straight into part three. We have come to the end of part two now. So again, feel free to pause the episode to take a break from your listening practice and come back to the last part when you're ready. All right. So moving on to part three now. Enjoy. This is part three now. We're going to have made the jump.

Stacey:
Hello part three people.

Charlie:
No, you've already met them. So yeah it's it's caused some conflict, hasn't it?

Stacey:
Certainly. I've debated wanting to marry him.

Charlie:
You've debated wanting to. Yeah. Whether you want to. Yeah. Yeah, it makes sense. Yeah. It just takes a while for my head to understand it. So I proposed to you, but I didn't really think about the fact that we would be planning a wedding for so long. And we met up with a couple recently that have done this within three months time, haven't they? Oh no, he proposed to her six months. Well six months before the wedding date, right?

Stacey:
Yeah. He proposed this very, very similar time to you proposed to.

Charlie:
To the date that you proposed on?

Stacey:
That one. But they are - I should mention that they're having a micro wedding. They're only having 30 guests. So it's a whole different ballgame. [Okay] We're having a UK wedding, they're having an Aussie wedding and we are having a a more traditionally sized wedding, which I think if you were to Google it a typical UK wedding size would be 100 plus and we're trying to keep it to 80 odd, but yeah, they're having 30, so it's a little easier to accommodate to that number I think.

Charlie:
Yeah, 100 plus. Yeah, 80 day guests and 100 evening guests. I felt weird saying night, evening, evening again.

Stacey:
I like that. That's kind of validating that we are on track.

Charlie:
But that's not 100 extra evening guests.

Stacey:
No, no.

Charlie:
No. Yeah, just 30 extra. [Yeah] that's what we're doing.

Charlie:
25. No. 21.

Stacey:
It's a good job this is an English podcast.

Charlie:
Oh, my God. Up to 1000 guests for a large wedding in some African countries. Wow.

Stacey:
We don't know that many people.

Charlie:
No what were we talking about?

Stacey:
Can't remember.

Charlie:
We were talking about our friends that, you know, did a quick plan. Yeah.

Stacey:
But also, okay, just.

Charlie:
No no no, I...!

Stacey:
Just in the defence of the wedding planning situation...

Charlie:
No. Before you say that, I wanted to say that they did it like that throughout a shorter period of time because the groom didn't want to talk about weddings for a year and a half. [Yeah]. He's a genius. I didn't realise this. He was like, I'm only allowing her three months of planning because otherwise it would be endless discussions about flowers, about bridesmaids.

Stacey:
Do you know what, though? I think he was just doing that for comic effect. And I think really they just wanted to start a family.

Charlie:
Oh! You reckon?

Stacey:
I reckon.

Charlie:
Well, watch this space, see if they get preggers.

Stacey:
But if we if we're kind of comparing, I mean, they were just for reference they were Australian but if we're comparing, some of our other closest friends are planning a wedding two years in advance and they have everything down to the fine details of what exactly what flowers, exactly what cake, exactly what makeup. So they are way ahead of the game on the planning and I think they are more typical. I mean, we've lived out of the UK now for ten years this year. I think they're more in line with the typical British timeline of wedding planning. So yeah, they were planning around 18 months in advance, which I think is the norm for the UK at the moment. Post-covid, which is crazy.

Charlie:
Yeah, that is. So I was thinking that's a great idea of that guy. Three months, you know, maybe he was making a joke, but that would be very nice to only have to do discussions about this for three months.

Stacey:
Can I ask.

Charlie:
What?

Stacey:
What's so bad about discussing it? What is so painful?

Charlie:
It's not painful. It's the idea of getting excited about something that's too far away.

Stacey:
Okay, but if someone told you you could buy a Tesla and a PlayStation in two years, would you get excited?

Charlie:
No, I wouldn't be excited. No, I wouldn't be excited. [Really?] It's too far away. I just wouldn't be able to connect with it.

Stacey:
Fair. I mean, I don't connect with it either. I just feel the pressure that if we want to have something nice and to our standards, because I think we're both a bit on the picky side that we have to get a move on, otherwise we'll end up with something a bit...

Charlie:
I totally agree. I totally agree. I think your approach to it is the correct one, but I just struggle to talk about it, to to have excitement about it. When we were actually at the Garden Centre and looking at the space that we were having it in.

Stacey:
You were very engaged then, that's true.

Charlie:
I was starting to connect with it in a way that excited me. But when we're.

Stacey:
Like, Oh! Where's this fountain going to be? Oh, where's the tent going to be?Ooh!

Charlie:
Marquee!

Stacey:
Marquee! Where will I stand when when we do the ceremony? Where will you walk? Yeah. You were very engaged. I'll give you that.

Charlie:
Yeah, but you do like to talk about it quite a lot, don't you?

Stacey:
I actually think, I'm not just saying this. I actually think I talk about it less than the normal bride.

Charlie:
Okay.

Stacey:
I think you just think it's a lot, but it's not.

Charlie:
Okay, fair enough. So I don't like to talk about it, kind of similar to most grooms.

Stacey:
Mm hmm. I'm going to generalise and say most future grooms don't enjoy talking about it. They very much stereotype it as a as a bride thing to talk about, future bride. But there are, on occasion, a few grooms, one in particular that I'm thinking about.

Charlie:
Dream Grooms.

Stacey:
Dream grooms that enjoy to chat about it. And in my hopes and dreams, do I wish that Charlie Baxter could talk about our wedding day.

Charlie:
I reckon nearer the time when I can see myself actually getting married in the UK, I will be quite excited to talk about it. [Okay] Until then, we can finish this episode.

Stacey:
Is this on part three?

Charlie:
Yes, this is part three. We've been going for an hour and a half. I want some dinner.

Stacey:
I'm hungry, but I'm enjoying this chat.

Charlie:
You're worried that you'll never be able to talk about it again.

Stacey:
I know I'm making the most of this time.

Charlie:
Okay. So, yeah. Until next podcast recording about weddings, zip it.

Stacey:
Please Like this episode so that we can talk about this more...

Charlie:
There's no such thing as liking an episode.

Stacey:
Please write to Charlie directly via email and tell him that you really enjoyed this episode so that we can talk about it much more in great detail. I'd really appreciate that. Thank you very much.

Charlie:
I'm a bit confused whether to agree with that or not. I want the podcast to do well, but I'm not sure about this! Yeah. Anyway, we'll leave it there. I hope you guys enjoyed the informative first part and the.

Stacey:
Rambly second part.

Charlie:
Rambly second part and third part. Yeah, but yeah. Thank you very much. Appreciate you, Stacey. Ick. All right. See you guys soon. Much love and thanks for reaching the end of this very, very long episode. Thank you, Stacey.

Stacey:
Ciao.

Charlie:
Bye, guys.