Bonus Ep 49 - Your Podcast Host Gets Hitched

Oct 26 / Charlie Baxter

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What's this episode about?

Join Charlie and Stacey as they reminisce about their unforgettable wedding day, filled with laughter, dancing, and a touch of drama with Stacey's grandma. Now on a mini-honeymoon in Bath, they share why this day was nothing short of magical, all served with a side of cheerful British banter.

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Transcript of Premium Bonus 048 - Transcript

Charlie:
Hello and welcome back to another, hopefully rib-tickling episode of the British English podcast, where we don't just teach you English, we teach you how to navigate the minefield that is British social life. I'm your host, Charlie, and with me today is my dear friend Harry, who's as British as a pint of lager in a pub. Is that rude to say, Harry?

Harry:
I'm pretty British. I think I'm as British as they come, to be honest.

Charlie:
I'd say so.

Harry:
My mum said I was 1/16 Canadian once, but I don't know what that means because Canadians, a lot of them originated from Britain anyway, didn't they? So, don't know. That makes me even more British, maybe.

Charlie:
Perhaps. Unless it's like Quebec side. Yeah. Does that mean maybe that your mum had a bit of an affair? No, it doesn't mean that, does it?

Harry:
No, I don't think my mum had. She might have done. She hasn't told me of any affairs. I hope not. But you never know these days. Everyone's having it off with everyone, aren't they? Have you had an affair yet?

Charlie:
Are they? No. No.

Harry:
You've been married for... How long have you been married now?

Charlie:
I've been married a week today. Wow. A week today, yeah. Because it was. Wow. Seven days ago that you declared that you love my wife.

Harry:
Yeah, that was good. Did you enjoy that part of my speech?

Charlie:
I did. A lot of other people commented on that. They were like, 'Oh, it was so funny when Harry said, "I love you, Stacey" on the microphone.' It was good.

Harry:
Yeah, apparently, yeah. His... Her brother told me that he was borderline pissed off. He was like, I was going to say something to you. This is when he was off his tits. He was completely drunk and going around the dance floor, molesting everybody. Mainly the men, I must add.

Charlie:
He snogged me at one point.

Harry:
Did he? Yeah, He kissed me, humped me and groped me within the space of about 20 minutes.

Charlie:
That's a full house. Bingo.

Harry:
Yeah.

Charlie:
Very nice.

Harry:
I quite enjoyed it. But wait, what was I saying? Well, affairs. How many affairs do you think happen in the first week of marriage?

Charlie:
Wow.

Harry:
Percentage. Let's go percentage. What percentage of marriages fail in the first week?

Charlie:
Interesting. I was going to say probably like 1%, right? But then again, it may be that moment where they realise I've done the wrong thing, so it might be quite a high percentage where they have this awakening like, Oh no! This is not what I want.

Harry:
Yeah, maybe they realise that first night or even before they, maybe they knew in the build up, in the weeks and hours building up to a big moment, that big day and they just, they go through with it because they would rather, they would rather that, save face on the day, than have to go through the ordeal of jilting someone or saying no at the altar. Can you get any worse than that?

Charlie:
No, you can't. Lovely language there. Jilted as well. I don't use that one. Can you explain that one?

Harry:
That's when you don't turn up to the altar, to the ceremony. You just leave your spouse there, standing there waiting for you, to jilt someone.

Charlie:
Oh, okay.

Harry:
Let them down.

Charlie:
So it's specific to leaving them somewhere, stranded.

Harry:
Normally we use it in that context, but it says suddenly reject or abandon somebody. But it's got a real like connotation to leaving someone at the altar where in the church or wherever you're getting married and not turning up, abandoning them right there on the big day. He was jilted at the altar by his bride to be.

Charlie:
And I've got one. The man I thought loved me jilted me and stole my money. So a double whammy there. Oh, yeah. No, I haven't done that to Stacey. I haven't jilted her nor stolen her money. Yet.

Harry:
Did it cross your mind? When you were standing there, waiting for Stacey. Quite a lovely moment, by the way. Standing by your side. The kids coming down, down the aisle. It was really emotional. It was lovely. Did it cross your mind that she might not turn up?

Charlie:
No, it didn't. Is that arrogant of me that it didn't cross my mind?

Harry:
It's a bit arrogant.

Charlie:
Isn't it?

Harry:
It's a testament to your love, isn't it?

Charlie:
Yeah. I mean, it's just. It would be so strange if she did, because she's put so much effort into this moment. Like the planning. She's got four outfits for the day. No, three. Just three.

Harry:
I thought it was four. I thought I noticed four outfit changes from Stacey.

Charlie:
We've said four because we legally got married on the Thursday and she wore a different one there. And then on the day she had her main one and then two evening ones. This is not normal, guys. It's starting to be a thing where there's an evening dress for the first dance because typically the main dress is quite big and awkward to dance with and they've got a long train. But yeah, it was quite extravagant. She did what she felt like she wanted to do, which is exactly what you should be doing on your wedding day, right?

Harry:
Absolutely. You go for it, Stacey. She looked amazing in every single one of her outfits, didn't she?

Charlie:
She did. She did. She looked absolutely stunning. We're not here to talk about weddings, but we are here to talk about some awkward and delightfully British conundrums to see how Harry would react. And maybe if you could flip it onto me to see how I would react to help you guys better understand two Brits and how awkward they can be in these moral dilemmas. Shall I hit you with the first moral dilemma, Harry?

Harry:
Hit me with a sorrel milemma. Let's do it.

Charlie:
Okay. Imagine a friend just comes round, right? They are randomly popping in and you offer them a cup of tea and they seem very pleased with the idea of one. You go into the kitchen, you boil the kettle, and they launch into telling you about a problem that they're experiencing. So it's not really about, you know, making the tea. You're there as a listener, but you're doing the making of the tea. You boil the kettle and while you put the milk in their tea, you notice that it smells questionable, but you've already started pouring it now. So they're in full flow. The milk's in full flow. There are no tea bags left, no other milk, no other options. What do you do? Do you continue and just give them the slightly gone off milk in the tea or... And continue with the conversation? Or what do you do? Do you confess?

Harry:
So in this situation, does the person I'm making a tea for have to be going through a rough patch and telling me their life story?

Charlie:
Yeah, right now they are telling you about... Let's call it a romantic issue.

Harry:
Okay.

Charlie:
Yeah. They are well and truly focussed on that.

Harry:
Okay. Yeah. And I guess you don't want to interrupt them when they're telling a maybe a sad story or whatever their dilemma is. But I don't want to give someone a horrible cup of tea. If I notice, because I'm going to be making two cups. I'm gonna be making one for them, one for me. And I love my tea and there's nothing I hate more than a bad cup of tea. I don't want to drink it. So selfishly, I would... I'd probably offer them a green tea, to be honest with you. I don't want to serve someone a horrible tea. I don't want to serve someone because I know how bad that is. I know how disappointing it is. But that's why I drink oat milk, because it doesn't go off or it takes a lot longer. So you won't find little bits in it. It doesn't go bad anywhere near as quick as cow's milk. I'm hoping that won't happen to me. But I think I would I think I would tell them. I think I would tell them.

Charlie:
Okay. Yeah. That's good that you said that oat milk does go off eventually. I'm glad that you don't keep it for months and still think this is absolutely fine. But yeah. Fair. Fair. So you don't want to give yourself a bad cup of tea and therefore you wouldn't force it upon them.

Harry:
Yeah, because if you know how bad a bad cup of tea is, then you wouldn't wish it on anyone else, would you?

Charlie:
Yeah. So what... How can I alter the situation... What if they don't like green tea and they're almost.... They're jittery. They need a cup of tea to calm them down. And you've said before, they were like, what do I do? What do I do? They're outside or away from your house. And you say, Come over for a cup of tea and we'll just calm you down.

Harry:
You need a cup of tea right now. That's all you need.

Charlie:
Yes.

Harry:
In my house, with my milk, my water.

Charlie:
So they've travelled for this cup of tea. Would that change things?

Harry:
Okay. Maybe what I would do is, having seen that the and smelt that the milk is off, I'd pour the cup of tea, I'd pour one and then I would test the water myself. So I'd test the milk myself. I would have a little sip and I'd be like, okay, this is passable. This isn't too bad. Maybe a tad bitter, but actually this is alright, this is drinkable. Having seen that it's drinkable, I would then proceed to pour the other cup. I would put the milk in the other cup.

Charlie:
Okay.

Harry:
I think that's probably what I would do. I'd make, I'd do it kind of quite a strong tea. So I wouldn't, yeah, I wouldn't put too much milk in. I think.

Charlie:
Okay.

Harry:
So as not to accentuate the stench of the gone off milk.

Charlie:
In my imagination, this milk it's smelly but it's not curdling. It's not visually off.

Harry:
Okay.

Charlie:
It's just on that.

Harry:
On the cusp.

Charlie:
Cusp of curdling.

Harry:
On the cusp of curdle.

Charlie:
Exactly.

Harry:
I think maybe I'd pour it out, but the smell is worse than the curdle, I guess. If it was the other way round and it had started to curdle, but it wasn't smelling, maybe I'd pour it and I would just maintain, try to maintain eye contact with the speaker. I would start spooning out the little flakes, the scum on the surface of the tea. I'd be like, just getting it out so they didn't notice. But yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, really? She left you, did she? Oh, let's. Yeah. Oh no, not with him. Oh, God, that's. Yeah. Oh terrible. Get all that shit out the kit. Cup of tea. Yeah.

Charlie:
What was that?

Harry:
And then hopefully they wouldn't notice.

Charlie:
Yeah.

Harry:
Nothing! Yeah. So you were saying? What about you? What would you do?

Charlie:
I think I would confess. I think I would say, We need to... This is unexcusable. I haven't checked the milk. But they would get annoyed! If you were them and you were having a breakdown... You come round...

Harry:
Having a breakdown. Ohhh, God. That's. You're telling me the milk's off? Oh, no, that's.

Charlie:
Oh, I can't catch a break!

Harry:
Adding salt to injury.

Charlie:
Yeah, exactly.

Harry:
Unbelievable. I think you'd get over it pretty quick. A cup of tea is great. But you can have. I'd happily have a green tea or just I'd have a glass of water. I don't care. If I'm having a breakdown, I've got bigger fish to fry.

Charlie:
You do. It's alright. That's true. Okay. Alright. I'm glad we aren't too upset or we're not crying over spilt milk. Oh, okay. Next one. The queue confusion. You're both in a long queue. I don't know who both of us are. I guess us. And then a third person comes along and offers you £50 to let them cut in front of you. Do you take the money and risk the wrath of fellow queuers behind you or decline and become British heroes of decorum? Oh, I guess we are in the queue together and we're making this decision.

Harry:
So what we get £25 each or?

Charlie:
You do the maths. Yeah, yeah, I guess so. Okay. I think the main question for me is where are we queuing and what is it for? If it's for an ice cream, it's a nice 50 quid. If it's for a flight. No, not a flight. We'd all get on a flight.

Harry:
Flight, yeah, I'm not taking that for a... Actually no, of course I'd take it.

Charlie:
We're all getting on.

Harry:
Speedy boarding or otherwise I would take that £50. No problem. But what if it's a public toilet?

Charlie:
Oh, yeah, that's an awkward one, because

Harry:
If you're bursting

Charlie:
...everyone would be looking at you for a long time. Yeah. Imagine that in a festival. You're queuing for a cubicle. Hot summer's day. Everyone's hungover. Tempting, though. £50.

Harry:
Very tempting. Especially at a festival. Imagine what you could buy with £50 at a festival. Yeah, that would. I'd always be... If someone else was mad enough or rich enough to offer me £50 just to cut in front of me in a queue, one space in front of me. It's not a massive inconvenience for me. I would take that £50. Yeah. There's few things I wouldn't do for £50, Charlie.

Charlie:
I can imagine you in that festival queue out saying out loud to everyone behind you. It's okay. He gave me £50. It's okay, guys. I've got 50 from him.

Harry:
Drinks are on me! Guys there's nothing I wouldn't do for £50. So if you have anything else you can offer me, please go ahead. I think I would take it, but yeah. What is a queue where you wouldn't accept it because people would be so angry? I'm just trying to think of maybe think of something.

Charlie:
A shoe shop?

Harry:
Oh, a shoe shop queue. Oh, absolutely. Oh, no.

Charlie:
What about a kebab shop at the end of the night? I think people would fight you for that.

Harry:
Possibly, actually. But you wouldn't know because. They wouldn't pick a fight with you for letting them in. They'd pick a fight with the queue pusher, wouldn't they? The queue hopper.

Charlie:
I think you'd both be questioned. You'd both be the ones that they would want to sucker punch in the face. Is sucker punch, does sucker punch... It's a bit of an American phrase, isn't it? But does it mean in the face? Do I not need to say?

Harry:
Sucker punch? Is it like isn't to sucker punch someone just when you punch someone and they're off guard, like they're not expecting it?

Charlie:
Oh, okay. A quick Google says a quick punch delivered without warning, an unexpected blow.

Harry:
But yeah, if you were waiting in a queue, you wouldn't expect the punch, would you? When I was punched in a kebab shop, it was definitely a sucker punch or ten.

Charlie:
I laughed again! You told us that story at the wedding. Like the day before or the day after. I gave a rude little giggle, didn't I? I laughed again just then. It's terrible of me. It's a terrible moment in your life.

Harry:
It's okay! Yeah. But you can laugh about things. When it's been, like, ten years, I think it's alright. I think it's alright.

Charlie:
Okay.

Harry:
We were talking about that. The seriousness of things just gets diluted with time, doesn't it?

Charlie:
Yeah.

Harry:
And you suddenly you can make jokes about death and things that just aren't funny, but they are with, over time. Certain things you can find humour in. Don't worry. You can laugh at me getting beaten the shit out of Charlie. Don't worry about it.

Charlie:
Oh good, okay.

Harry:
Minor concussion.

Charlie:
What about a queue at an A&E?

Harry:
Oh, wow. That's a good one. That's so wrong.

Charlie:
That is.

Harry:
It's wrong on both sides, isn't it? The person who's offered you £50 and the person who's accepting it. That's got wrong written all over it.

Charlie:
Yeah, definitely a hard no A&E. Probably a no in the kebab shop, but probably a yes in a festival.

Harry:
And are you saying no in the kebab shop because you're scared about getting sucker punched?

Charlie:
Correct.

Harry:
So you're saving your own neck?

Charlie:
Yes.

Harry:
Typical Charlie.

Charlie:
Exactly. Alright. Are you ready for the next one?

Harry:
I'm ready.

Charlie:
This is called the mind reading hat. Does it make sense any more? Because I've changed it. No. Let's change it to the mind reading genitalia grab.

Harry:
Cat?

Charlie:
No. The mind reading genitalia grab. You find a bowler hat that allows you. Oh, no, it does make sense. The mind reading hat. You find a bowler hat that allows you to read people's thoughts, but only while you've got your hands down your trousers. Do you use your newfound power for good, evil or just for giggles? And even do you use it because you've got to have your hands down your pants and have a bowler hat on.

Harry:
Do you have to be in the presence of the person whose mind you're reading? Or can you do that from the comfort of your own home?

Charlie:
Yeah, good question. It doesn't work through the mobile. It's got to be face to face. Yeah. The bowler hat.

Harry:
Can't do it, can't do it remotely.

Charlie:
No. No remote access.

Harry:
Okay. I guess it's a bit of a double whammy, isn't it? Because not only have you got to look prat wearing a wearing a bowler hat. It's not my preferred look. But also, you've got to have your hands down your pants. And that's not a good look. It's not a good look, is it?

Charlie:
Yeah. You could get into trouble, especially if you're near a playground. I mean, it wouldn't take long for them to say, what is that hat? And why are you putting your hands down your trousers? And then what do you do? Do you confess? And then the next time they will know that you're trying to find out the truth. Oh, you've got your honesty hat on again, have you? Okay.

Harry:
Yeah.

Charlie:
Now you know what I'm saying.

Harry:
It's just my mind reading bowler hat that I have to touch my penis while wearing in order to read people's minds. Don't worry. Nothing going on here.

Charlie:
What would you use it for?

Harry:
I think I'd use it. Although I don't want to read people's minds. I don't like to know what people are thinking really. I'm already trying to think what they're thinking. I don't actually, I don't think I really wanna know.

Charlie:
Oh really? Yeah.

Harry:
I think I probably wouldn't use it. Only when I absolutely had to know. Like, maybe if I suspected my partner was having an affair or something.

Charlie:
Okay.

Harry:
I could get the old bowler hat on and touch my bits.

Charlie:
But your partner would definitely know about this bowler hat and pants trick. So...

Harry:
If she gave it to me. For a present.

Charlie:
Okay. Yeah. If she sees that on, she'll probably run a mile if. But then that tells you. Ahh you were cheating. You don't want to admit.

Harry:
Yeah. She really shouldn't have bought me that hat and then had an affair.

Charlie:
No!

Harry:
She should have known I would wear it. I'd use it. I always use my presents, even if I don't like them. Don't get me a bowler hat.

Charlie:
Yeah. Good. You using that mask of mine?

Harry:
The night mask. I... This is. I'm ashamed to say I haven't used it yet. You know what I'm saving it for?

Charlie:
Okay.

Harry:
I'm saving it for when, I'm gonna take it next time I stay at someone's house because that's when I can't sleep. I find it hard to sleep in other people's houses anyway, but often the curtains aren't that good. Like in my bedroom, like they're blackout curtains. So it is really dark.

Charlie:
Yeah.

Harry:
And I'd rather not have something on my face when I'm sleeping.

Charlie:
Yeah.

Harry:
But it is really comfortable. And I do appreciate the eye mask and it is good and I will use it however I want to use it when there is light keeping me awake.

Charlie:
Good. Yes, I see that. I don't know if you've tried it yet with your hands down your pants, but I have heard it also has magical powers.

Harry:
Not being specific about the powers, just.

Charlie:
No, I haven't tried that one. Because I've got one, but it's a different one. And yeah, different magical powers for each mask.

Harry:
Okay. Because Stacey's got this one, hasn't she? Has she reported magical powers with her hands down her pants?

Charlie:
Yes. She said it speeds things up.

Harry:
Very good. Okay. I'll take that onboard. I'll get it out tonight and then report back.

Charlie:
Yeah. I don't know what your version does. Yeah, she was saying it's almost like you're living life in when you do x2 on a video. Yeah.

Harry:
Okay. Wow. Okay. Erotic video. I'll report back on that one. I definitely don't need things to be any quicker though. Not not gonna lie.

Charlie:
Good. It seems like I've got the hat on now. Okay, so the next one is a bit more close to home for me because my wife now, she is a loud popcorn cinema muncher. Imagine you're both watching a classic British film in the cinema or a classic film that you really enjoy. It's not one that you don't care about, and then someone near you starts eating popcorn very loudly with their mouth wide open. What do you do? Do you just... What would you do? I don't want to give you your options yet.

Harry:
First thing I would do is I would complain to the person I'm there with.

Charlie:
Yeah.

Harry:
I wouldn't go straight to them. And then I'd probably do a kind of glance at the person, look at them in slight disbelief. Just a, just a little kind of nudge. Not physically, just like a little glance over so they can realise, Oh, what I'm doing is maybe not normal.

Charlie:
Yes.

Harry:
Yeah. So show disapproval subtly.

Charlie:
Yes.

Harry:
That's, I think that's the way that British people would do it generally. Avoiding conflict.

Charlie:
It works. So I'm that person's partner. In Germany we were, I had this moment where we were behind two girls. Stacey was there chucking the popcorn in her mouth from a foot away and going *imitates eating popcorn*. Loving it. And I'm looking at her disgusted. And then these girls look over at her, disgusted. And she's not even, she's totally oblivious. She's just in a world of her own. She's staring at the screen and they make eye contact with me. And that was terrible because I knew the pain that they were going through and it was on me to tell my partner to shut it!

Harry:
Yeah, I can't believe you were putting up with that.

Charlie:
I know. I tell her now. I say, close your mouth. Come on, love, close your mouth. But then she looks at me annoyed. She's like, I want to enjoy my popcorn how I like to enjoy it. It doesn't taste as good with the mouth closed.

Harry:
What!

Charlie:
It's ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

Harry:
That's. Does she actually say, has she said those words before?

Charlie:
Yeah yeah.

Harry:
It doesn't taste as good with the mouth closed. Does she have bad table manners? Does she eat with her mouth open in general or is it just popcorn?

Charlie:
It's just popcorn. She just goes into this alter ego and she just turns into a monster.

Harry:
How funny. She just likes to shovel as much in as possible I guess. And having the mouth open is part of that.

Charlie:
I'm more of a full hand grabber and shovel, but she does one or two but rapidly and just constant top ups and doesn't even focus on the aim like a stereotypical gross popcorn eater.

Harry:
Yes. Yeah.

Charlie:
Very quick. Love it. Absolutely love her.

Harry:
That's interesting. Yeah. For many years to come. That's interesting. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'm definitely like you. I pick up a handful and shovel them in. I don't see the point in just like several because it's so light that you get through a piece of popcorn so quickly, don't you?

Charlie:
Yeah.

Harry:
So it just seems you're wasting energy doing all this one piece at a time.

Charlie:
If you were me, would you tell your partner?

Harry:
Yes. But it takes, I know I understand it takes a bit of time as well. You have to get to a certain point in the relationship. And so at that stage you'd been together for a while. Like you'd lived together in America. And now you're, you were in Germany at that time, but you still you didn't feel comfortable saying, Love can you... close your mouth.

Charlie:
No I did, but... But actually that was it. They were in such close proximity that I felt judged by saying that to her then. Do you know what I mean? Like, I had to. I felt like I should almost be loyal to her and be like, She's mine. She's fine. She's not mine. Yeah. No, I don't own her.

Harry:
She's mine. My property.

Charlie:
I'm with her. And yeah, we're in this together. So you turn around, you.

Harry:
Okay, I know what you mean. Yeah. And you have that loyalty. You want to stick up, it's nice that you considered that. You thought, yes, they are judging her. But she's my love. And I'm going to stand by her side.

Charlie:
Yeah. And then as soon as they leave, I'm gonna tell her my honest feelings. That was disgusting. What are you doing?

Harry:
Throw her under the bus.

Charlie:
Yeah. Yeah.

Harry:
You make me sick. Yeah. Sorry. What was the actual original dilemma? What would.

Charlie:
It was you hearing somebody eat a lot of popcorn. Would you confront them? You said you'd give them a look. If they continue and they get louder and louder?

Harry:
I think. Yeah, eventually I'd have to say something. Especially if I'm enjoying the film. Yeah. I can't stand it if people are loudly eating. Yeah. I went to the cinema once and there was a, like probably a teenager next to us and he was eating crisps and crisps are the worst thing, aren't they, in the cinema? Oh, the rustling of the crisp packet.

Charlie:
So loud. Yeah.

Harry:
So loud. And it's loud. The crisp packet itself is loud, but. And the eating is potentially even louder. Unless you're like me and you lick every individual crisp, which is going to make people sick listening to this. But I and that's actually with the risk of upsetting people and making people sick in the cinema. That's the way to eat a pack of crisps in the cinema, isn't it? If you want to be quiet, but also get the most out of every crisp, you should lick them.

Charlie:
I've not noticed that! You lick every crisp?

Harry:
I have been known to. I don't in company because it's disgusting. Unless I'm. If I'm at home with a good friend on my own or with a girlfriend or something, then I will... Sounds like I've got loads of girlfriends. I don't. I'll lick every crisp, Chaz. I love it. Especially prawn cocktail.

Charlie:
Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Very dog-like to lick a crisp.

Harry:
Bog-like?

Charlie:
Dog-like.

Harry:
Oh, dog-like.

Charlie:
Yeah. Not bog-like. Lovely.

Harry:
Anyway, there was a boy eating crisps very loudly, and we were just looking at him in disapproval. We were like, Come on. Yeah, this is ridiculous. But he was younger, so it's easier to confront a teenager.

Charlie:
Oh, okay. Yes, it is. But then any younger than a teenager and you feel rude to, you'd have to go to the parent.

Harry:
That's probably the way, right?

Charlie:
Yeah. But then that's...

Harry:
I think in the end, one of the managers came over and had to tell him.

Charlie:
Wow! What, the manager heard it from all the way outside?

Harry:
Sometimes they go down the rows, don't they? To check everything's okay. I think they heard a bit of crisp rustling commotion and they came over and thought, okay, we've got to step in here.

Charlie:
Yeah, let's check the booklet of what to say here. Please just lick and not.

Harry:
Yeah, they should do that in a little advert before. When they tell you to turn your phones off. They should say lick your crisps. If you do have crisps on you, make sure you lick them and make sure the packet is open before the film starts. Because opening a pack. My God.

Charlie:
Very good etiquette there. Yes, open before, open during trailers and then lick and then maybe drop and just leave it under your seat. A whole packet of licked crisps. Yeah. Lovely for the...

Harry:
Oh drop! No, the good thing about licking Charlie is it makes the whole crisp. You can almost just swallow it whole from that point because it's so soggy. You just put it in and it melts on the tongue. That's another option. If you don't want to lick, which is disgusting cause you've got to handle the crisp from around the edge. What you can do, what you can do if you don't like that option is it doesn't work if you're having conversation, but you shouldn't be talking during a film anyway. Just put the crisp on your tongue. Let it set.

Charlie:
Yeah.

Harry:
And enjoy that flavour. Enjoy that intense prawn cocktail or salt and vinegar flavour melting on your tongue.

Charlie:
You're a very mindful crisp consumer.

Harry:
I am. Always have been.

Charlie:
What do you feel about people talking in the film? Because we went to Oppenheimer recently and I've got to admit, you did ask a few questions throughout. You said, what? What's going on now? What did she say? Yeah, who's he?

Harry:
Who's that? There were so many names, weren't there?

Charlie:
There were.

Harry:
I didn't know who was who. I didn't know who I was by the end of that film. It was so complicated, but it was brilliant. But at times sometimes I'll suffer in silence. But if it is a complicated film and you're with someone, and you think, Oh, maybe they caught this bit better than I did. I don't mind asking. So as long as the conversation is related to the film and it's, it's helping us to understand the film better and get more out of the experience, then I'm okay. I'm in favour of a little bit of that. As long as it's quiet, it's a good kind of volume, then it's okay. If you're just talking about, I don't know, your night out or something or how many packs of crisps you had over the weekend, then no. I'm not. I don't think it's, it's okay.

Charlie:
So you lean over and you say, excuse me, is that conversation contextually relevant right now?

Harry:
Exactly.

Charlie:
And they say, yes, I'm just talking about the, the ending. Don't spoil it for the rest of us. You may have seen it already, but we haven't. Do you remember when I reached over to you and I said, what did she say? And you laughed and you said I was going to ask you. I had no idea. Or I said, she said two words. And you were like I didn't even get that.

Harry:
Yeah, exactly. It's like, what if what? And I was like, Oh, what if. Oh, I didn't. I missed that bit. Thank you. Thank you for filling me in on those two words. It was hard. It was so hard. It was very political. And they were speaking really quickly and mumbling a lot. And they were American, so the odds were against us. It was hard to, it was hard to follow at times, but it was great. It was amazing. I loved it.

Charlie:
I do feel for elderly people. I think if we're struggling at our age to understand a fast paced film and I don't mean fast paced as in the production of that, but the modern day take on a film is generally a little faster than it used to be 30, 40 years ago, isn't it? I can imagine that when we're old, we'll really struggle.

Harry:
Yeah, definitely.

Charlie:
Don't you think?

Harry:
Definitely. Yeah.

Charlie:
Going back before we go on to the next one, I just remembered, when I said if it's a child making the noise you've got to approach the parent. When we were in a pantomime when I was a little boy, I remember this moment at the end of the pantomime. A man, very big man, stood up at the end of it in front of me and turned around to me really aggressively, saw how young I was, and then started on my father. He started on him for not controlling his child. Apparently I had been kicking his seat all the way through the pantomime and I had no idea. All the way home and for the rest of my life I've been contemplating whether I had been kicking his seat. I may have moved a few times because I was a bit uncomfortable, but I don't think I was. But obviously I had been. And so, yeah, he started on my dad and he had to, my dad had to deal with it.

Harry:
He actually started a fight?

Charlie:
He was, he was getting in his face. Yeah.

Harry:
No. Wow.

Charlie:
Yeah! In front of all the kids!

Harry:
When he said, you've been kicking my seat, did you say, Oh, no, I haven't!

Charlie:
He's behind you! That's right. It's me. Yeah.

Harry:
I can't believe that. I'd love to see your dad in that situation. I bet he handled it very well.

Charlie:
He did. He did handle it well. Yeah. Being six foot four does help.

Harry:
As soon as he stood up, your dad was, did the other guy back down? Was he like, Actually, I need to pick my battles more carefully.

Charlie:
That guy was pretty big. So he could have probably had my dad, but my dad was on the tier above him, so that helped even more. So he probably looked seven foot.

Harry:
Okay. Yeah. Good.

Charlie:
Okay. Ready for the next awkward dilemma? The fake accent dilemma.

Charlie:
We have come to the end of part one, so feel free to take a break from your listening practice, but if you're happy to keep going, then we're now moving on to part two of this episode. Thanks so much for being a premium or Academy member and enjoy the rest of the show.

Charlie:
You start talking to your friend in an outrageous fake accent on a night out, and then you bump into an aggressive looking guy who genuinely has that accent. Do you come clean or keep up the act?

Harry:
That's a good one. That's a really good one. Oh, man. I wouldn't trust my ability to keep up the accent. And I'm not very good at lying. So, like, he would quickly see through my lies, I think, so. I reckon I'd probably come clean. I'd just randomly stop with the accent and just hope they didn't question anything. Or maybe I would. I would do two accents so I'd speak to this new guy in my normal accent and then the other guy I'd been doing a fake accent to, then I'd keep it up with them. But why on earth have I been out all night doing a fake funny accent?

Charlie:
No imagine. I think we've probably pretended to be Aussie together. Just being ridiculous. And then imagine an, an aggressive Aussie comes over and he's like, Oh, you're from Australias too as well, mate?

Harry:
Australias.

Charlie:
Where are you from, mate?

Harry:
Do you reckon we'd pass for Australian? So much so that in a real...

Charlie:
I mean I could get my passport out.

Harry:
You could. You could definitely get your passport out. They didn't even request it. You just got it out. I am Australian. I'm actually Australian. So if you think my accent is fucking stupid, then you've got another thing coming.

Charlie:
Yeah. They're coming over to you for comfort in a foreign land. They're like, Oh, you're one of us. What if their whole rugby team comes over and is like, Oh, it's another Australian!

Harry:
Fucking hell. No, no, I don't want to end up in that situation. I'd quickly come clean as quick as possible. Earlier the better.

Charlie:
But wouldn't they be annoyed?

Harry:
I don't want to be invited on a night out. No, they're Australians.

Charlie:
What if it's a culturally insensitive accent that you're pulling off?

Harry:
In which case they probably wouldn't be okay with it in the first place.

Charlie:
Yeah, that's true. Yeah. So you'd come clean?

Harry:
Yeah, I think I'd come clean.

Charlie:
Fair enough.

Harry:
I think I'd come clean. Yeah. I can't imagine keeping. It's quite exhausting keeping up an accent for a long time as well.

Charlie:
It is.

Harry:
Yeah. You're a trained actor. Actress.

Charlie:
Yeah. If it was Australian, I'd probably try to do it and then make up a reason for leaving very quickly. Gotta go, mate.

Harry:
Gotta go. Got a Barbie to be at.

Charlie:
Yeah. Okay nice.

Harry:
Just get out of there. If you had to put on an accent for a whole evening, which one do you think you could do most effortlessly?

Charlie:
I remember earlier in our YouTube days, I did an Italki sponsored one pretending to be French, speaking English.

Harry:
I remember.

Charlie:
And that felt comfortable. I don't know if you think it was good, but. And again, that's not an accent. That's more of a French person speaking English but.

Harry:
That's an accent. It's a French accent.

Charlie:
I suppose so, yeah. I felt okay with that. I don't know why but that seemed a bit easier than most other ones.

Harry:
That's interesting. Yeah. Had you had a lot of practice doing that? It seemed quite natural.

Charlie:
No, I didn't really rehearse it too much. Yeah. Can you do a French person speaking English?

Harry:
No.

Charlie:
He's a performer, that guy, isn't he?

Harry:
Yeah. Give me a line to say.

Charlie:
Excuse me. Is that my croissant?

Harry:
Excuse me. Is that my croissant?

Charlie:
Yeah. Excuse me. Is this my croissant?

Harry:
Excuse me. You're good! It's all about the...fillers.

Charlie:
It's quite easy to elongate.

Harry:
Yeah, it's all that, isn't it?

Charlie:
Yeah.

Harry:
I'm not very good at that, actually. Not very good at doing. Yeah. Foreign accents.

Charlie:
You're good at Scottish.

Harry:
It's quite hard.

Charlie:
I remember that.

Harry:
I can do. Yeah, I can do. Yeah. Different like English accents.

Charlie:
Ooh that would be a good one to test this awkward dilemma on. A Scottish person comes up to you excited to see where you're from. You've been pretending to be Scottish. Would you carry on? You've got your kilt on because you've got a kilt.

Harry:
Wearing a kilt.

Charlie:
Yeah.

Harry:
As I do. Why not? Yeah, wearing my kilt. And I'm doing a Scottish accent.

Charlie:
You've just done a...

Harry:
I think

Charlie:
...a performance with your dad. He's done the bagpipes, you've done the bongos, you've got your kilt on. You're loving life.

Harry:
The Scottish bongos. Yeah, I think I would like to put the, put my abilities to the test and see if I can pass the Scotsman. I don't even know what my Scottish accent is. There'll be lots of Scottish accents. Mine's just generic. I don't even know what part of Scotland it pertains to, but I would just. Yeah, I'd like to do it just to see if I could pass as a Scotsman, see if I could convince someone. That'd be interesting.

Charlie:
I think a Scottish person would also forgive you. If you tried and then failed. You're like, Oh, I was only trying to fit in. Sorry.

Harry:
Imagine a Scottish person did that with us. If we were up there and they were just randomly talking with a British accent and how would you take it? It would be quite funny, I guess it would be.

Charlie:
Yes, it would be quite funny. But this is a thing that I've started to appreciate. I don't know if you have thought about it at all. I think the reason that we feel comfortable is because we've got a history of being the oppressors. We're the British Empire. We've come in and conquered and made them live our life. If it was the other way round, if somebody had come in and taken over and taken away our language and accent, potentially we might be a bit more upset about it.

Harry:
It's very true. Yeah.

Charlie:
Probably why we don't find it offensive.

Harry:
Yeah, that's the good thing about being the oppressors.

Charlie:
You can laugh at your own accent.

Harry:
Yeah, it's a very good point. I think that would come into it.

Charlie:
I think we've got time for one more. I'm just going to choose my favourite out of the seven more we've got. Yeah, let's go with this one. Okay. The elevator etiquette.

Charlie:
We have come to the end of part two now. So again, feel free to pause the episode to take a break from your listening practice and come back to the last part when you're ready. Alright. So moving on to part three now. Enjoy.

Charlie:
You're in a lift with a stranger and accidentally let out a potent bit of gas. What do you do?

Harry:
Do I fess up and say, Just let out a gust?

Charlie:
And this stranger is an attractive female.

Harry:
Oh, plot thickens.

Charlie:
You had caught eye contact with on the way in. You were hoping something might happen.

Harry:
Oh, I guess maybe just engage them. There's no way I could just stand there in my own stench and not acknowledge something. Or at least. Or just have a conversation to ignore the elephant in the room. The elephant being my fart.

Charlie:
Yeah. To clear the air.

Harry:
Exactly. Clear the air. I'd probably say something. I'd be like, Oh, y'alright? I wouldn't be like, Oh no I have a confession to make.

Charlie:
I think that's a good line. I have a confession to make. Father, I have sinned.

Harry:
What would she say? If I just turned to her, we've not said anything. Neither of us have said anything. We just we met eyes briefly. And I just turned to her and say, I have a confession to make.

Charlie:
Oh, it would be great, though, if you said. Was that you?

Harry:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Look there's only two of us in here, and it wasn't me. So come on.

Charlie:
But thinking about it. Creating dialogue about it. If you know you did it and you're confessing, what are they going to say? That's so awkward for them to respond to. What would they say? Oh, that's alright.

Harry:
It is awkward.

Charlie:
Maybe just silence. Just get through it.

Harry:
Just go with silence. Yeah, Get through it.

Charlie:
You floor 12?

Harry:
Never speak of it again. Floor 12, is it? Yeah.

Charlie:
I'm getting out on 13.

Harry:
And she'll say no. I've already been floored. I think. Yeah, it's a really tough one. I've not been in that situation. I've definitely farted in an enclosed space with other people. Like an aeroplane, for example. You've farted on an aeroplane, right?

Charlie:
Do you openly fart on an aeroplane?

Harry:
Because your, your bum is against the seat, normally it doesn't sound. It doesn't make any sound. It just creeps out.

Charlie:
This is a definite yes if you've got this information to report.

Harry:
I have? Yeah, I have. Yeah. And you've got the air con circulating the odour so it would dissipate quite fast.

Charlie:
Okay. I've heard that groundsman. Is it groundsman? The people that work on the airport landing strip or not the landing strip, would be clobbered.

Harry:
They do, no when there's no planes on it. They're there, aren't they?

Charlie:
Yeah. Clear the runway. Get off the runway, Jack! No. When they...

Harry:
Grounds maintenance?

Charlie:
Grounds maintenance. Yeah, nice. When they bring the stairs to the door and they open the door, I've heard that it's a real *poof* of horrible-ness for them because all this, humans have just been letting rip. And then that smell. I think we're all getting used to the insane amount of, I guess the filtering does help it. But yeah, we're all human. I don't now. I find it hard to do that. And now every flight I get very uncomfortable in the stomach and then I'm uncomfortable for the rest of the day pretty much until *pooof*, no I'm joking. When I get into that lift. Oh, watch out.

Harry:
Oh, dear. So you don't want to get caught in a lift with Charlie after a flight, then?

Charlie:
Yeah. Post-flight. Terrible.

Harry:
Yeah, I've not thought about that. The stench that would come out when you open the that door because they get a big rush of air, don't they?

Charlie:
Yeah.

Harry:
Pressure.

Charlie:
Lovely stuff.

Harry:
Yeah.

Charlie:
So you're saying something to the pretty girl?

Harry:
I yeah, it depends on the situation and the vibe in the lift I think. Yeah. I don't want, I would hold it if I could, but if it's out and then it depends on how I think she would react. I might say something. I might not. It depends. If I think there's a chance that she might be interested in me, then I'd acknowledge it. I'd say, I've got a confession to make, because it might be, it should be a funny interaction. So...

Charlie:
I've got a confession to make.

Harry:
You've got to just.

Charlie:
I like you. Do you like my gass?

Harry:
Yeah, exactly. If you do, you can accept me at my worst. Therefore, you deserve me at my best.

Charlie:
If someone came in at that moment to diffuse the blame, would you keep stum?

Harry:
Oh, yeah. Maybe. I'd probably have a cheeky grin on my face. Oh, someone's... what's happened here!

Charlie:
Imagine. Imagine someone comes in. You've just done it. It's starting to smell and you're standing behind her. Could you point to her when you make eye contact with the...

Harry:
With the guy who's just walked in? It was her. It was that hottie. Oh, yeah. What would you do?

Charlie:
I think I'd probably be really awkward and not say anything and just die for the rest of the day.

Harry:
Okay.

Charlie:
And replay it and say, I probably should have said what you've just said. Yeah.

Harry:
And if it's Stacey? If it's you, Stacey and another person? And Stacey does a pretty... She lets one rip?

Charlie:
No!

Harry:
What would you do?

Charlie:
It's a horrible thought. I'd take one for the team. I'd say sorry guys. Yeah.

Harry:
Really?

Charlie:
Yeah.

Harry:
Oh, you're a good husband.

Charlie:
Yeah. You've got to do that.

Harry:
Apart from all the affairs. A good husband.

Charlie:
Yeah, yeah. Jilt her, but say it was me when it was her.

Harry:
No, good for you.

Charlie:
Yeah.

Harry:
Good man.

Charlie:
But there we go. Alright, we've got some more, but we will leave it there for today. Thank you very much for lending me your time on a precious Saturday that we are recording this on. Have you got much planned for the rest of the weekend?

Harry:
Yeah, I'm going to a football match today actually. I'm going to see Bedford Town FC.

Charlie:
Can I come?!

Harry:
Against Walthamstow in the FA Cup.

Charlie:
Wow.

Harry:
Yeah. We should go and see a game sometime, actually.

Charlie:
Yeah, we should.

Harry:
A shit game. So it's not too expensive. Cause they are ridiculously expensive. This was £10. It's an FA cup game.

Charlie:
What time? Can I come?

Harry:
No, it's three... three o'clock?

Charlie:
I'll get on the road now.

Harry:
Bedford?

Charlie:
I could be with you by two. Nice. Alright.

Harry:
Alright, see you there.

Charlie:
Meet you at the local for a pint before?

Harry:
I'll see you at my local.

Charlie:
Yeah. And get the, get the burger at the burger truck that says 'Best burger in the world'. They often say that, don't they?

Harry:
Oh, yeah. They're rough burgers aren't they, at football games.

Charlie:
I remember that moment in life when I went to a rugby game with my dad and it was the first time I realised that marketing is what marketing is. It's a lie because it was a sausage, a hot dog, and it said 'Best hot dog in the world' and I looked at my dad, I said, Oh my God, we can get the best hot dog in the world. We had it. It was crap. And I was enlightened to what marketing is.

Harry:
Oh dear. Marketing is all a lie. Don't say that too loud.

Charlie:
No.

Harry:
Not for your podcast. Don't unsubscribe from the newsletter guys.

Charlie:
The best British podcast there is. But yeah, thank you very much, Harry. Much love as always and hopefully see you soon.

Charlie:
But well done for listening to the end of this one guys. Much love and see you again soon. Bye bye Harry.

Charlie:
There we go. The end of part three, meaning the end of the episode. Well done for getting through the entirety of it. Make sure you use all of the resources available to you in your membership. Thanks once again for supporting the show and I look forward to seeing you next time on the British English podcast.

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Transcript of Premium Bonus 049 - Transcript

Charlie:
Hello and welcome to the British English podcast, the show that helps you better understand British culture and British English at the same time. Currently, I am recording this in an Airbnb in Bath and it is my honeymoon. No it's not. It's my Minimoon. What is the difference between a honeymoon and a minimoon? Well, I have my wife right next to me to explain all the intricate details around wedding culture in the UK because we have just got married. [Yay!] Yay! How does it feel looking at me with a ring on my finger? As your husband?

Stacey:
I love it. I think. Yeah, your ring is the only thing making it feel truly real. It's very nice.

Charlie:
It's a constant reminder. Isn't it?

Stacey:
Definitely.

Charlie:
I don't know if I introduced you, Stacey.

Stacey:
Oh, hi.

Charlie:
But you're now just my wife. You don't have a name.

Stacey:
I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Charlie:
Oh, gosh. So we've had quite the adventure for the last week, I'd say. It's been pretty full-on.

Stacey:
It has been a rollercoaster.

Charlie:
And you hadn't had much sleep up until the mini-moon. No. To answer the question that I suggested that we would be answering, what is the difference between a mini-moon and a honeymoon? What are they?

Stacey:
I think the honeymoon is usually a holiday. Or a trip that happens directly after the wedding, or that's how it used to be back in the day. But typically now people go on their honeymoon a little bit later. For us, we need time to plan it. And we've decided to do this very trendy idea of a mini-moon, which is just a small little getaway. So just two nights in Bath.

Charlie:
Yes. So we're not flying anywhere extravagant in our opinion, but just having a couple of nights to sort of recalibrate and relax and get some needed and necessary sleep.

Stacey:
Amen.

Charlie:
Yes, We had our wedding, what, four days ago? Is it now?

Stacey:
What day is it?

Charlie:
It's a Wednesday.

Stacey:
It happened on Saturday. So, Yeah. Four, five. Can I count backwards?

Charlie:
We're still feeling pretty crazy hazy, yeah. Brain fog. But, yeah, I wanted to take this moment whilst everything is fresh in our minds to go over the the day to give you a better understanding of the traditions that we may have done and the ones that we may have excluded to help you better understand the norms of Brits around this kind of day. Let's go a little bit before the day just to complete the whole experience for the listener. Did you have any pre-wedding ceremonies or rituals Stacey?

Stacey:
Oh, just at me. [Just you] You were there too.

Charlie:
Oh, yes. Did we have any pre-wedding ceremonies?

Stacey:
We didn't really, and I'm not sure. I'm pretty confident in saying that in British culture, we don't really have any.

Charlie:
I've just thought of one, actually. Your brother is getting married in a Catholic church. It's not really a ritual. But they do have to attend..

Stacey:
the church six times.

Charlie:
What's the umbrella word for that, priesthood?

Stacey:
No, no.

Charlie:
You know, the..because it's not..

Stacey:
I know, but I won't get it.

Charlie:
No, I know I won't get it, Charlie. This brain fog ain't moving. Okay, so they have to attend six times.

Stacey:
Yes. To be able to actually get officially married in that church. [Yes.] Yeah, maybe because we didn't get married in a church we avoided the pre-wedding rituals, but yeah. I guess I hadn't thought in British culture we have those type of things. So no, in a lot of like Asian cultures, they have the tea ceremony before [the what ceremony?. Tea ceremony. Where they wear red, I think. I believe it's in Chinese culture. Don't come at me if I'm wrong.

Charlie:
Don't come at me - I like that. That's good.

Stacey:
But yeah, they have a tea ceremony with their family.

Charlie:
Okay, so we have no tea ceremony.

Stacey:
No, I would like that. I love tea.

Charlie:
Yeah, that'd be great. We should probably say there's the Catholic one. There's Church of England, and then there's civil ceremony. And then there's the holistic one. Right?

Stacey:
Humanist.

Charlie:
Humanist. Sorry, humanist. I don't even know the wedding that we had. [Yeah.] Okay. So we didn't have any pre-wedding ceremonies as such, but we should probably explain that on the Thursday. We did something before. What was that?

Stacey:
Yeah, we legally got married on the Thursday.

Charlie:
Yes. And why did we do that? Why did we not do it on the Saturday?

Stacey:
Because the venue we chose for the Saturday doesn't have the legal capabilities to officially marry us so it doesn't have the license, which is quite an English thing I think. I know in the US and Australia you can get married wherever. You're not refined to certain official buildings, whereas in the UK. You are refined to these official marital buildings. And we weren't at one of those, so we had to go to the town hall.

Charlie:
We personally like the aesthetic of the outside of the venue that we were at. [Yeah] And you can't really find that in places that are legally allowing you to get married.

Stacey:
You can. I guess but those venues are very expensive.

Charlie:
Oh yes. We did it on a budget that [We did] was still ridiculous.

Charlie:
Okay, so we got married legally on the Thursday and we originally planned for that to just be literally going to a town hall and signing something and then just not making a big deal of it at all. And then it transpired that we actually had to have a couple of people with us to witness it. And then that kind of escalated. We couldn't choose who those two people were. And before we knew it, 20 of our family members were standing outside the town hall throwing confetti at us with a professional photographer snapping away.

Stacey:
Yeah, it did. We got excited. I got excited, and it definitely became a little bit more of a thing than we had originally planned. But I do not regret it. It was a lovely day and that was just our really tight-knit, immediate family, just parents, siblings and our nieces and nephews. And that was it. [That was it] And that was really nice because we didn't actually spend that much time with those people on the Saturday. So it was really nice to have the Thursday with them.

Charlie:
That's true. It was interesting to experience that day and feel really special. And when when our family members left us in the hotel that we had stayed at, I felt like this really big high. And I thought, there's no way that however much more we've spent on the Saturday, I will feel that much more elated by the day [oh really?]. But I have to eat my hat. I really did. The Saturday was just insane. It was so, so amazing, which we'll get into in a moment. But it was impressive, the difference. [Yeah] Because they were both.

Stacey:
They're both lovely, weren't they? They were very different. But both. I'm so glad. Yeah. To all of our family who had to basically take a week off work to come and celebrate with us, forever grateful, because the whole thing, like stretching it out was actually really special and made just allowed us more time to spend with people.

Charlie:
Yeah, definitely. So going on to the actual traditions of the day, could you describe the attire for brides and grooms in our country and then discuss what we wore?

Stacey:
Hmm. Okay. Brides typically wear white, and I stuck to that tradition. I did wear white. Grooms - I think it's actually still quite traditional in the UK to wear tails, and I feel like that's a very British thing. I don't see many other cultures wearing, so tails is a suit. Yeah, I should probably.

Charlie:
You don't just put a long tail on your bottom.

Stacey:
Tails are quite formal?

Charlie:
You look like a penguin.

Stacey:
Yes. Or sometimes they can be lighter colours, but they're very traditional suits. They're a bit longer at the back.

Charlie:
A lot longer, yeah.

Stacey:
And they have a waistcoat underneath and. Yeah. They're very formal. You wouldn't ever wear that type of suit to anything other than a wedding I think. [No] Do people wear them at the races?

Charlie:
Yes. Races I think yeah.

Stacey:
I think races and wedding.

Charlie:
Horse races we're talking about.

Stacey:
Yeah. Are the only times people wear those suits. We went a little bit more modern maybe. And you wore black tie.

Charlie:
I wore black tie. It was a black. We set the dress code to be black tie optional. We got that tip from some friends in Australia.

Stacey:
Yeah, I think Australia and America both. It's quite common to do black tie these days. Yeah. And we just copied them.

Charlie:
And so obviously the groom and the groom's team or party or groom's groom's party groomsmen as well. Yeah, but I had two females on my team, so it's groom's party. They wore dinner jackets and then the females wore black long dresses. [Yeah] Are they called cocktail dresses or not at all? No. Okay. What is a cocktail dress?

Stacey:
Shorter. Bit more. A bit more like cocktail.

Charlie:
Okay. But my point was going to be that the women guests typically wore a very different style of dress to what they would if it was tails, right?

Stacey:
Yes. I think traditionally, if it's not black tie in the UK, there's a lot of kind of more floral dresses. Maybe the slightly older guests would wear kind of like the female guests would wear hats and.

Charlie:
Fascinators.

Stacey:
Fascinators. Charlie's laughing at me because I'm not the biggest fan of a fascinator.

Charlie:
A fascinator is like a hat, but it's just an accessory that looks like it's floating on top of your head.

Stacey:
It's like a little hairband with like, feathers or floral elements that just stick off. They are fun.

Charlie:
I think they're quite British though, aren't they? I can't imagine. We know that Americans don't really wear them, do they?

Stacey:
I Don't think so. No. And I don't think Aussies do either.

Charlie:
And Europeans? I can't imagine. [No]

Stacey:
But yeah I mean, if you look at a royal wedding in the UK, there are a lot of hats and fascinators. It is a very traditional thing, I guess.

Charlie:
But you actually said on the website, no fascinators. [I tried to make it..]

Charlie:
If You bring a fascinator, It will be confiscated upon arrival.

Stacey:
I said the dress code is I said, the dress code is black tie optional, but really wear whatever makes you feel utterly fabulous. With the exception of fascinators, these will be confiscated at the door.

Charlie:
And she's being funny. She's not a complete diva. Okay, so that was what you wear. Let's mention the faux pas right now of wearing white.

Stacey:
Yes. As a female guest, you are not supposed to wear white or even even, I think, colours very close to white, like really pale blue, really pale pink, cream. Very light grey, I guess. Because you don't want to outshine the bride.

Charlie:
Yeah, that's the number one rule. Don't outshine the bride. It was going to be impossible to outshine you, darling. You looked fabulous. You really did. But you did have a fascinator on that I did want to take off. [no I didn't] Imagine if you did do that. Imagine if you wore one. That'd be so funny. You could have worn one going round the corner towards the aisle and then tossed it off and thrown it in the fascinator bin. Okay, while we're on the aisle. So my lot went down the aisle. The guests come, they sit down, they wait, and then my groomsmen and groom's women came down the aisle hand in hand. In pairs. [Yeah] And then they stood at the front. [Yeah] On my side of the wedding.

Stacey:
Which is not a super traditional thing. Typically, the groom's party and the groom don't make an aisle entrance. But Charlie wanted some limelight.

Charlie:
I did. I wanted people to look. No, I felt like it was a nice nod towards my groom's team.

Stacey:
Okay. You wanted to showcase them?

Charlie:
Yeah, because everyone some people were in black tie as well, so you couldn't really differentiate between them. So I wanted them standing up there for everyone to see who my nearest and dearest. So then they came. And then the little ones.

Stacey:
Yeah. Then the, our nieces and nephews were flower girls and page boys and yeah, we sent them down. They were so cute. I'm sad that I didn't get to properly see them because they went down before me. But you saw them!

Charlie:
I did see them, but I was distracted because Luke, the videographer, he put a microphone in my inner pocket and it had some wires and I was like, oh, that's very smooth. He did it very quickly. And then I had my sunglasses on, so I needed to swap to my glasses because the clouds came. [Oh, dear.] And so then I went in and it was all caught with the wires and.. [Oh, no]

Charlie:
I can't see.

Charlie:
And you were coming moments. You were moments away from turning the corner. So I really wanted to get my glasses on. [Oh, I see.] So I was a little bit distracted.

Stacey:
Okay, so you missed the little ones.

Charlie:
Sort of.

Stacey:
So hopefully there's some photos or videos of them because I would really like to see them. I think they were very cute.

Charlie:
Yeah. So they're called flower girls and page boys. [Yes] And we also had a ring bearer down the aisle. So he will be.. held the rings didn't he, the whole way. He came up halfway through the ceremony to give us our rings. And then you, your bridesmaids came down. They looked very pretty. That kind of got me emotional. Yeah. Not for the wrong reasons, but it just showed to me.

Stacey:
Have you got a thing for my bridesmaids?

Charlie:
Everyone does, I'm sure, but I think it just showed to me how you've got such lovely friends who make such an effort.

Stacey:
I do. I'm very lucky.

Charlie:
And they were there for you in support. Morally, I guess. And then father of the bride and the bride came round the corner and you looked really nice. It made me cry.

Stacey:
I tried not to look at you because you.. I knew you were going to make me cry. And I was very determined to not ugly cry my way down an aisle. Yeah. I tried to just not make eye contact with you. But also, as I came around the corner, a big gust of wind blew in our direction. And that's why my dress, I had a slit up the front of my dress and my dress just opened up.

Stacey:
Did you see that? [Yes, I did see that] I think my dad made quite a funny gesture. And basically, as we were walking, tried to, like, pull my dress back together a little bit and make a bit of an inappropriate face. And it was quite funny. I think it got the guests quite relaxed that it was going to be a relaxed and informal ceremony. I liked that a lot.

Charlie:
Yeah, that was lovely. That was a big part for us to identify because typically the ceremony is quite stiff. [Yeah] Isn't it?

Stacey:
Yeah. I think although I absolutely love and have been to many church weddings that I have really enjoyed, I think they always feel quite formal and yeah, a bit more, a bit more kind of structured in a way. And there's less room for jokes and, I don't know, more casual moments.

Charlie:
Yeah. And the vicar or priest or whoever's taking it doesn't really know the partners or the family.

Stacey:
Sometimes they do quite well. Sometimes they're quite...(personal)

Charlie:
Oh, okay. Fair enough. [But yeah] But the ones that I've been to, they don't know them that well and they're just sticking to a script. of God.

Stacey:
That's true. Very true.

Charlie:
But each to their own. So your father made a light-hearted comment or facial expression, which made it a bit more of a relaxed tone. And then he came in, and then there was a moment where traditionally he would be giving you away to me. And we really didn't want that, did we? [No] So we didn't do the sort of handshake.

Stacey:
Not an item to be given.

Charlie:
Exactly. We did more of like, you hugged and then we hugged. [Yeah] And then he hugged my mum because my mum was officiating the ceremony. [Yeah]

Stacey:
I hugged your mum as well actually, which was not planned, but when I got there I was like, oh, hello.

Charlie:
Yeah. So it was all very friendly and loving.

Stacey:
Which I loved. It was so nice that everyone up there, everyone in that whole space really were really people we knew very well.

Charlie:
That was the aim, wasn't it?

Stacey:
It was, yeah.

Charlie:
So then you're up there and as I said, my mum was officiating, which is definitely not the norm. [No] Normally you would have, as we've talked about.

Stacey:
A celebrant or a registrar, someone legally.

Charlie:
Ordained.

Stacey:
Ordained, that's it. Yes.

Charlie:
Yes. And she was not ordained, but because we had done the signing on the Thursday, we were already legally married. And so we were basically just putting on a show. Yeah, it.

Stacey:
Was all a play.

Charlie:
Yeah, it's a big play.

Stacey:
But we did do a humanist-style ceremony, which was really nice.

Charlie:
Yes. So a humanist I guess, is more just focusing on the love of the relationship and not really about the religious side of. [Yeah, the not]

Stacey:
The religious or the legal side of it, but more about the love of the couple. And also it's a lot about the family and the community and the people surrounding the relationship, I believe.

Charlie:
And you got this idea from one of your friends, Hazel?

Stacey:
Yeah, she did a very similar thing where she got legally married a couple of days before and then did a similar vibe.

Charlie:
And she said that spreading it out was amazing.

Stacey:
Yeah, she loved it and I loved it too.

Charlie:
And you as a guest loved it the most because it was a friendly, unique approach. It was [very personal] in their back garden with a marquee, a really cool, like circus tent. Yeah. And that really struck a chord with you. And you wanted to use that to shape our day. [It did] Anything to add about the ceremony?

Stacey:
Not really.

Charlie:
So we had the ring bearer come up halfway through. We had Katie, our American friend, who we asked to do a reading.

Stacey:
Yeah.

Charlie:
And she created one herself. And we didn't [it was beautiful], we didn't even check it before because we knew she would be so amazing. She blew us away, didn't she?

Stacey:
Yeah, she was so good.

Charlie:
That was amazing. We had that and we had the rings and we had our vows. So typically vows are read by the celebrant. Yes. And then we repeat them.

Stacey:
Yes.

Charlie:
Which we did do on the Thursday.

Stacey:
We did do that on the Thursday.

Charlie:
Yeah. And they're fairly universal.

Stacey:
They're a bit more less personal I would say. Yeah. They're still beautiful. The ones that we did on Thursday were really nice and we got to choose them. I think we got an option of three to choose and we chose the one that felt the most like what we believe. But it's never going to be truly very personal to us.

Charlie:
No, I did enjoy that, though. It was quite nice. [Yeah me too] On the Thursday. It was a very hot room though, wasn't it?

Stacey:
It was, yeah. It was very clammy.

Charlie:
And we were made to hold hands throughout the whole of it and just getting even more slimy [Yeah] underneath.

Stacey:
Very warm.

Charlie:
It was gross. You said you even had a bead of sweat go from the top of your neck down to your leg.

Stacey:
Yeah lovely.

Charlie:
But on the Saturday, we did our own personal vows, didn't we?

Charlie:
We have come to the end of part one, so feel free to take a break from your listening practice, but if you're happy to keep going, then we're now moving on to part two of this episode. Thanks so much for being a premium or Academy member and enjoy the rest of the show.

Stacey:
We did.

Charlie:
Yes. We shared them. We went between each other, didn't we?

Stacey:
We did like a part one. Then you went. And then I did a part two. And then you went. And it was really nice. I think it was one of my favourite parts of the day.

Charlie:
Yeah. Because we were thinking that you would do a speech.

Stacey:
I did originally plan to do a speech, but my dad wanted to go first, so I decided to take what I was going to say in the speech and just move it across to the vows. And I'm very happy I did that because as soon as the vows were over, I had no responsibility other than to have fun. [Yeah, you got to enjoy. That's nice]

Charlie:
Yeah, that's right at the beginning of the day. Pretty much. [yeah] Okay, so we did our vows, and you cried as soon as you started yours.

Stacey:
On then the second paragraph.

Charlie:
Oh on the second paragraph.

Stacey:
And I'm going to say I was very sleep-deprived. I think I had one hour of sleep, I kid you not, the night before. And I hadn't had much sleep that week just because I was so overly stimulated and thinking about all the things we had to do. So, yeah, I've never been so sleep-deprived in my life, and I think it was just making me more emotional than I usually am because I'm not the most emotional person.

Charlie:
It wasn't that I looked amazing in my tuxedo. I feel like we should say the one lesson, you've learned many lessons, but the one thing that you thought was worth telling people who haven't got married yet is investing in a wedding coordinator.

Stacey:
Yeah, I think don't plan on doing it again. But definitely if I were to do it again, I might either a wedding planner or a wedding coordinator. I think I would spend the money on them as a person because we had your sister Laura, who did an absolutely amazing job. She was unofficial, just stepped in at the last moment and she was incredible. However, I think I still had a lot on my mind and it would be good to not have that the week of so that you can sleep more freely.

Charlie:
Yeah, because she arrived fairly close to the date and got involved fairly close to the date. All of the questions that she had to be answered by you or some by me. But it meant that we were always actively thinking. [Yeah]

Stacey:
And there was a lot to do. There's.. Even though I thought there wouldn't be that much to do, I felt very organised. I had a good amount of experience doing weddings before, I felt like it would be quite breezy. But let me tell you, there is always, if you do a DIY wedding, there is always just quite a bit to be done.

Charlie:
So especially when you forget your veil the night before and you realise it's.

Stacey:
Halfway across the country, four hours away.

Charlie:
That was fun for Steph. [It was] Okay. So the wedding ceremony has happened in this podcast explanation of the events. We then went down the aisle together hand in hand, married and people threw what at us?

Stacey:
Confetti that my mum had grown and pressed just so little petals and yeah everyone just threw petals at us while we exited the aisle.

Charlie:
Yes. Your nan really tried to throw it at my face and [yeah] it was a bit stuck. And she was wanting to throw the whole thing at me.

Stacey:
I think she undid the envelope. I think she was just floating, like, flopping the envelope around.

Charlie:
But I imagine it will have gotten us a few good pictures with the confetti all over our faces. So then the cocktail. No, the champagne and canapes began.

Stacey:
Drinks and canapés.

Charlie:
Drinks and canapés. But that was a shame because we had some live music ready to play in the middle of a rose garden that was gorgeous. [Yeah] And then it rained.

Stacey:
We didn't talk about the sing-along. Do you want to quickly mention that? Because it's...

Charlie:
Wwe can include it in the organic way that you just did. [Oh OK..] Yes.

Stacey:
Because that's something I thought you were going to mention about the non-traditional. We could do that afterwards in the non-traditional section.

Charlie:
No, it's kind of we're going through it and we're commenting on what we did and what should be done.

Stacey:
Oh okay. So I guess one traditional thing that happens in church weddings is guests sing hymns and it's usually in the little booklet that they get and the lyrics are in there or they're not always, but people, the guests have to sing along to a hymn.

Charlie:
Is that booklet called The Order of Service?

Stacey:
Yes, well done, A star. [thanks] And because we weren't in a church but thought it would be fun to do a hymn replacement, we gave the guests the lyrics to I Love You Baby, by Frank Sinatra. And it was amazing. I looked around when it gets to the bit that goes, bada bada ba ba da ba Da da da da da da.

Stacey:
And it was so good. [Yeah] Literally everyone, especially like my side, my family love a a good sing-along. Everyone was screaming at one point. I love you, baby. And it was honestly like that was a real highlight. It was so lovely. And the musician we had, Lucy Mae Walker, was very, very, very kind to facilitate that whole thing. And she was amazing. Like her voice is just I think her the aisle song that she did for us, erm, I Can't Help Falling in Love by Elvis was phenomenal. Like, as soon as I heard her sing, I was like, Wow, this is going to be epic.

Charlie:
Yeah. Very talented human. And then so she did that. And then she was going to move over to the Rose Garden and do two hours almost of the drinks and canapés.

Stacey:
Yeah, it would have been lovely, but it rained.

Charlie:
But the silver lining of that is that it was sunny for the ceremony.

Stacey:
Yeah. So lucky because plan B and plan C for the ceremony were no way near as beautiful as where we did have it. So I feel eternally grateful that the rain held off and we got to have the ceremony in the main area that we wanted to outside because it was very picturesque.

Charlie:
Yeah. Which is a thing that probably most countries have to think about. But Brits have to think about even more because it rains so much in the summer and winter, all year round, it was unlikely that we would have got it outside. And anyone who hasn't got a plan B, you go to their wedding and you're like, Oh God, what's going to happen? Lots of times people just have to have umbrellas sitting in the rain, which is obviously not what we wanted. So we did have a plan B, yeah, and a plan C if it was really heavy rain, but we didn't need it, which was really good. So then she moved to a different place. That was the tent. [Yeah] The stretch tents that we had erected in the gardens of a Georgian manor house. It looked stunning. It was your dad's venue that he manages [Yeah] and he had the garden in tip-top condition. [Yeah] And then. Yeah. So after that we had a couple of hours milling around. Yeah. Meeting and greeting. Then what next?

Stacey:
Yeah, we had a couple of hours of the canopies. Didn't have too many canopies. I would have liked a few more but I was busy chatting and we went off and took a couple of photos as well. Then it was over to the MC. Which was your friend Al to introduce us because everyone moved through to the stretch tent to be seated for the wedding breakfast and Al introduced us and we did a fun little entrance. I can't remember if people swung their napkins. [they did yeah] Oh, that's good.

Charlie:
Yeah. We were hoping to go down the middle of everyone, but.. [But it was too compact] Yeah, exactly. We had to go around the outside. They were spinning their napkins in a 360 motion to make it quite visually interesting for the videographers. So in America and Australia, I think the MC has to welcome all of the bridal party by their full names.

Stacey:
Or I think maybe, yeah, I think that does happen in America. But in Australia, yeah. In Australia in Fe and Andy's wedding - our friends, they called out the groomsmen, the bridesmaids and all of the bridesmaids came in. All of the groomsmen came in [okay].

Charlie:
I was pretty confident on that because the wedding coordinator that Laura had came to me because I was the MC and she was like, you've got all the formal names. Yes? Ready to go. Oh, wow. Oh, no. Because in England we don't do that.

Stacey:
No, okay.

Charlie:
But in America, they often do a little dance, don't they? Don't they enter in a fun way?

Stacey:
They do.

Charlie:
And they sometimes do a fun dance down the aisle.

Stacey:
Do they?

Charlie:
Sometimes. I think it caught on in the last 20 years. [Okay] But we don't we're far too serious for that.

Stacey:
We had a little, like fast-paced walk and.

Charlie:
Yeah, we're crazy fast-paced walkers. Watch out!

Stacey:
I lifted my bouquet in the air.

Charlie:
Oh, my god.

Stacey:
Wild.

Charlie:
And I shook my shoulders like I've never shimmied before. We sit down and then we went straight into the speeches, didn't we? [Yeah] Yeah. And the speeches are a huge part of a British wedding. Maybe the most talked about, apart from the bride and what she's wearing?

Stacey:
I think so, yeah. It's definitely a thing that everyone looks forward to. It was the thing that I was most excited about. I got sucked into the hype of all of the other parts. But yeah, I was very excited for the speeches and we did them all before dinner just to get everyone out of the way so it didn't have to extend.

Charlie:
Yeah, I was a bit nervous. I wanted to have it before the dinner so I could enjoy the dinner. Likewise with Harry and Matt wasn't that nervous.

Stacey:
We did stick to tradition in the speeches because we had in the UK we do Father of the Bride, groom and then best man or best men in your case. And that's not the same in other cultures, especially in America. They have the maid of honour. I think the groom doesn't speak.

Charlie:
Oh, really?

Stacey:
I'm pretty sure in the US it's father of the bride, Maid of honour, Best man. [Oh okay] Yeah. It is a bit outdated that only men give speeches in the UK. And as I said, I would have liked to have given a speech, but I mentioned what I wanted to say in the vows. But I do quite like it when when there is a female speaker.

Charlie:
I agree. I agree. I remember. Especially, if you're closer with the bride, you really want to hear from them. I missed that in Steph's wedding because she didn't have a speech and she didn't really do her own vows, I don't think. Yeah. So I was, like, wanting more from her side of things. And throughout the Best Man speech, as much as I hated them for doing what they did, but I also loved them for doing what they did. But I did feel a bit self-absorbed, really self-obsessed, because it was like they're all here for the bride, not for the groom and his stories.

Stacey:
My dad spoke about me quite a lot. He spoke about me for a huge portion. So I think it's quite balanced. [Okay] You've got someone from the bride's side, you've got someone from the groom's side, and then you've got the groom. And you also talked about me.

Charlie:
Yeah, I talked about my life, though, as well. That's why I felt a bit bad because I did my life and then I did us and then you. But yeah, we've talked about those speeches and the order and the typical sort of approach that the father of the bride would take is to talk about the bride and how much they mean to them and how the groom is a perfect match for them, I guess if that's the case. And then say how thankful they are that they're now together and they're part of the family.

Stacey:
Yeah, I guess so.

Charlie:
Yeah. Paul talked about being a dolphin and being a donkey for a lot of that.

Stacey:
My dad's speech was amazing. I really enjoyed it. He had everyone in fits of laughter.

Charlie:
He made me laugh and cry.

Stacey:
Yeah, he used props as well. He bought in a pack of a jumbo pack of like 20 piled-high boxes of tissues for everyone. And yeah, he was very confident. He did so much better. I knew he'd be great, but he absolutely nailed it. I loved it.

Charlie:
And he also wrote out a long scroll of parchment.

Stacey:
Yeah. Of like, advice and memories. And I haven't actually we haven't read it yet. I can't bring myself to read it. I feel like it's too emotional, but I look forward to reading it.

Charlie:
Yeah. He said he wouldn't dare go and read that out loud or get you to read it because it was like of him when he's no longer here. [Yeah] So that's very [Yeah] deep. So that's father of the bride. And then the groom typically talks about the..no they do the thank yous a lot don't they?

Stacey:
The groom?

Charlie:
Yeah. [Yeah] They do the thank yous. And then the, the gushy part. The mushy part. How much they love their bride. [Yeah] I talked about my, my the people in the room.

Stacey:
Yes you did. Which was really nice. I enjoyed that.

Charlie:
I tried to incorporate everyone as much as possible, but had to whittle a 50 minute speech down to a 15-minute speech. So not everyone got a mention. And then the groom's best men or best man. But mine were best men, Harry and Matt. They typically just rip into the groom, don't they? They try to embarrass the groom as much as possible.

Stacey:
I think it was probably the most embarrassing for you speech I have ever witnessed as far as best man speech goes.

Charlie:
Yeah, because I was actually thinking before this, I'd like to upload all three speeches onto the podcast. [I don't think you can] I don't want to now.

Stacey:
But I will say that Matt and Harry are not married, so if you ever become either of their best man, you can well and truly get your own back.

Charlie:
That's true. That is true.

Stacey:
Yeah.

Charlie:
Yeah that would be fun.

Stacey:
Watch out.

Stacey:
Yeah, but no, the speeches were amazing and I think I was.. The wedding I went to that we referred to as Hazel's wedding, she had very unorthodox people speaking. I think his the father of the groom spoke and the mother of the bride spoke. And it's because they said that they just chose people to speak that were very natural, confident speakers that would find it an honour to speak. And I think that's really nice. It just so happened that the people that we would love to hear speak and that do feel confident speaking are definitely like my dad is a very happy, confident speaker. So is your are your best man really. So we were it was quite easy for us to stick to tradition there because the people fit the bill very well.

Charlie:
Fit the bill. Nice phrase. Yeah, exactly. So the speeches are almost over. Yeah. Oh, I just want to say, some cultures have little toasts and the guests get to speak. And do a little toast of their own. And one of mine, who was from Denmark. He was hoping to say something about marriage. And then he came up to me afterwards and he said, Oh, I'll write it in the card that I give you.

Stacey:
That's something I'd never even knew about or considered, and I would have loved to have created the space for that because I think we were quite lucky that we had quite a few international guests from a lot of different places, and like our American friend who just assumed that she would be one of my bridesmaids, she just assumed that she would be stood up with me at the like at the altar for the whole duration. And like your Danish friend who assumed that there would be toast options.

Charlie:
Availability.

Stacey:
Availability. We should have more taken on board other people's traditions and mingled a bit.

Charlie:
Yeah, we did. I feel like we did do that naturally because we've experienced a few weddings from different countries and we thought we would pull from that. But yeah, we forgot about that. But so that was a difference. That is a difference about our culture. Best men were getting into it and..

Stacey:
They were probably a quarter of the way through.

Charlie:
Yeah, and a faux pas is to take the limelight of the bride, isn't it?

Charlie:
We have come to the end of part two now. So again, feel free to pause the episode to take a break from your listening practice and come back to the last part when you're ready. All right. So moving on to part three now. Enjoy.

Charlie:
Or what is it? Stealing the spotlight. That's what I've got. Chatgpt gave me a list to comment on or reflect upon, and one of them says that stealing the spotlight. Remember the day is about the bride and groom over the top behaviour designed to grab attention is generally considered poor form.

Stacey:
Yeah. So a quarter of the way through the Best Men speech. My grandma, who is the only living grandparent left on both of our sides, fainted. And it was actually a very scary moment because we hadn't realised that she it was just fainting.

Charlie:
We thought the worst case scenario.

Stacey:
We thought maybe she was having a stroke or a heart attack or something. And it was terrifying and it was actually a very emotional ten minutes.

Charlie:
It's so weird how you can go from one extreme to the other in emotions.

Stacey:
Oh, my goodness. Yeah. And it was it was such a weird out-of-body experience where I just couldn't the adrenaline was so high, I just couldn't make sense of what was going around me. And I thought it would be really dramatic to become this like hysteric bride. So I actually just thought, she's got enough people around her. I'm just going to sneak off, calm down. Just take myself away. Because she probably had ten.

Charlie:
Your bridesmaid took you away. She was quite determined to keep you calm.

Stacey:
And we had two doctors, a nurse and a midwife at the wedding. So my nan was in very capable hands. And bless them for all getting involved. They were straight to it. And I think they helped massively.

Charlie:
So you were meant to go and calm down, but then you saw your brother go past and pick up a first aid kit. He spilled it everywhere accidentally. You helped him.

Stacey:
My brother was running to his partner's car. She's a nurse and she has her medical bag in the car. So I took my shoes off, ran after him to go and help.

Charlie:
So that was barefoot, sprinting across.

Stacey:
A lawn.

Charlie:
And gravel.

Stacey:
And gravel. Yeah didn't even feel the gravel. When adrenaline kicks in, there is no pain.

Charlie:
It's like Tomb Raider. Lara Croft.

Charlie:
And then. And then you drove the car?

Stacey:
Yeah. I thought it would be a good idea to bring the car closer to the house for the medical equipment.

Charlie:
200, 300 yards around the drive. But you managed to stall it four times.

Stacey:
Yeah. I haven't driven a manual car in a while.

Charlie:
Nor with a bride's dress. [No] No. So that was an unforeseen event. And then before you knew it, [she was fine] the ambulance had been called off because she had a bit of chicken.

Stacey:
Yeah, she just needed actually a digestive biscuit.

Charlie:
Yes, Yes. Great advert for digestive biscuits.

Stacey:
She came round, turned out she'd just fainted. So thank God she's fine. And yeah, she was very upset. As soon as I went over to her, she burst out crying, saying, I'm so sorry if I've spoilt your day. And she didn't at all. But she definitely made it a very memorable occasion and bless your best man because they both had to completely resume after the meal. They had to have the meal and I think they probably had a few more drinks during the meal and then they had to resume like nothing had happened and they did pick it up very well. It was a massive challenge for them, but they got it back on track.

Charlie:
They did. Yeah. Continue to rip me a new one. And then after that, the meal came through the food.

Stacey:
No, we'd already we had the meal before that speech.

Charlie:
Oh, sorry. Yes, yes.

Stacey:
We had the meal. The desserts went down. They resumed their speech.

Charlie:
That's right. That was unplanned. We meant to have speeches and then food. But because of what had happened, the catering team had to bring the hot food through. Yeah, And then we had the desserts. [Yeah] And then speech. And what happens after that? And compared to traditional things.

Stacey:
The heavens well and truly opened and it was raining like there was no tomorrow. We couldn't go out and do any photos or any of that because I think our photographer thought it would be nice to do some photos in different lighting when the sun was going down, but that wasn't really an option. We just had I had a little chit chat. I did the rounds and went and sat with other people. When people had made gaps in the tables, had a little chat, and then I got changed to get into my second dress, which was more appropriate for dancing.

Charlie:
And talk about that, darling. So is this a tradition to have a second outfit?

Stacey:
I think it's not a tradition, but my dress was not a bustleable dress. I don't think that's a word. But basically the bustle.

Charlie:
Yeah. What is a bustle?

Stacey:
A bustle is where you can either pin your dress up so that the train becomes shorter and you're able to dance. So it either pins to usually like the bottom area or it attaches to your wrist. Because my train wasn't that long, my dress wasn't really able to bustle in a good way. So I decided to change into a slightly shorter dress for the first dance so that I could move around freely. So we came out in and cut the cake, shoved the cake into one another's face.

Charlie:
And that's something from America.

Stacey:
I think. It's American. Yeah.

Charlie:
Yeah. Normally they just politely cut it and then move on. But yeah, we saw that Americans shove it in each other's faces. And you got my dinner jacket dirty and I got your dress dirty. But it was fun.

Stacey:
It was fun. Yeah. And then we did the first dance.

Charlie:
We did. And so within the first dance, people gather around the dance floor and watch the bride and groom hold hands and do whatever they like, really. [Yeah] Nowadays, because we don't really know how to do ballroom dancing, most people just do a little bit of a sway on the spot and maybe one turn or two and we wanted to learn a few turns.

Stacey:
We're very lucky that your sister is a dancer. Yeah, she helped us learn a few little a little turns and twists and yeah, we just threw them in. We did. I did talk to you throughout the dance and said, Should we do this next? And should we spin this way now?

Charlie:
And it's a good analogy of our relationship.

Stacey:
It is. I'll tell you what to do and you do it.

Charlie:
I resist a little bit and then I do it. Yeah.

Stacey:
But yeah, that was fun. I enjoyed that.

Charlie:
And that was the start of the band that we had.

Stacey:
Yeah. And oh my goodness, the band were just epic.

Charlie:
They're a big make or break of the evening for a wedding. Yeah, they're not that great. It really does put a dampener on the night. But they were so uplifting. She was so talented. The singer herself, you had chosen her a year and a half ago, and then she went.

Stacey:
She was becoming pretty famous.

Charlie:
And she went on to a talent show in the UK called The Voice. And she came second. [I think second. Yeah.] So she got really big at that on that. And we were thinking, Oh no, they're going to cancel. They're too big for us now. But they still came and they rocked the night away.

Stacey:
All of our guests were like just in awe of them. They kept saying that they were like the type of band that they would go to pay to see at a festival or a gig. And yeah, they were.. I was just so in love with them.

Charlie:
Yeah. Harry's already asked for their details for his friend's wedding. [Oh, really?] Yeah. That kind of leads you into the night. We put on a bit of food as well. Yeah had some burgers. Keep the drinks flowing. And that's a wrap.

Stacey:
That's a wrap. Yeah.

Charlie:
At midnight, coach came, took everyone home. I couldn't really remember that part. I was a bit too drunk. [Yeah] And then we did have a recovery day, but that might be for another day. Or that we could just call it that.

Stacey:
Yeah, we had a little barbecue. My dad got on the barbecue and dished out a couple of hundred sausages.

Charlie:
I suppose a tradition is that they *see* off the bride and groom at the end of the day, don't you?

Stacey:
Yeah, that is true. My mum and dad said that at their wedding. They left at 8 p.m. because they were so ready to be done with the day and they left so early, they said. And I was like, gobsmacked by that because I didn't want it to end. And if I had not had to down a tequila shot because you gave me one, I if I'd have been less intoxicated, I probably would have wanted the night to even last longer, like I'd have wanted to find somewhere for an afterparty. But I was well and truly ready for bed at 1 a.m.. [were you?] Yeah. Oh, my goodness. I was done. But yeah, I can't believe that back in the day, bride and grooms used to leave earlier. It would seem like I was missing out.

Charlie:
Yeah. A family friend. They went, I think, 45 minutes before everyone else.

Stacey:
Wow. No, I want to be the last one standing. And we were. We had the best. [Yeah] We didn't get off the dance floor. It was so good.

Charlie:
Yeah, it was a packed dance floor. I was dancing away with my dad, both with our sunglasses on.

Stacey:
Hilarious. That's that.

Charlie:
So, yeah, that was pretty much it. And now we're on our mini-moon and we're due to go home soon. We've relaxed, we've recuperated, and we're married.

Stacey:
We've just been reminiscing and looking at the photos of the day and the videos.

Charlie:
Yeah, the videographers, they did a 40 scond, well a minute and 15 teaser within 24 hours?

Stacey:
Yeah.

Charlie:
HI don't understand how they did that. But it really gave us what we wanted, like the magical memories instantly. [Yeah] And we're so happy to see that. And they're so talented.

Stacey:
Yeah. Unreal.

Charlie:
Thank you very much for getting to the end of this episode. I hope you enjoyed our explaining of our best day ever. It was my best day ever.

Stacey:
Really? [Yeah] Wow. [Yeah] You heard it here.

Charlie:
I didn't think I would say that, but it really was.

Stacey:
It was very happy.

Charlie:
A truly magical day and one that I don't think I'll be repeating.

Stacey:
No. Hell no.

Stacey:
Cos I quite like you. I quite like you Too. Aww.

Charlie:
All right. Thank you very much, guys. See you soon. Bye bye. Bye, Stacy. [Bye.].

Charlie:
There we go. The end of part three, meaning the end of the episode. Well done for getting through the entirety of it. Make sure you use all of the resources available to you in your membership. Thanks once again for supporting the show and I look forward to seeing you next time on the British English podcast.

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