Transcript of Bitesize Ep 90 - Transcript

Charlie :
Why hello there. Welcome back to the British English Podcast. I'm Charlie Baxter, your host, and we're continuing our three part mini series on how to host a Brit for dinner. This is part two. Um, in the last bite sized episode, we set the scene for inviting a Brit over from the art of crafting the perfect invitation to navigating the complex world of British food preferences and menu planning. If you haven't heard that one yet, go back and check it out, as there's obviously a lot to learn. Um, in today's one, we're moving on to the next stage. What to do when your British guest actually arrives. Uh, we're talking the importance of small talk and why you should hold off on offering them tea and how to subtly master the fine art of drink refills. We'll also explore the nuances of British humour, the subtleties of polite conversation and how to ensure everyone feels comfortable without any awkward silences. So get comfy, grab a cuppa. Or maybe not straight away given today's suggestion, and let's jump right in. Ding dong! They're here! Oh my God, what do we do? Well, surprise, surprise. Like any other culture, we answer the door and no idea if it differs around the world, but answering too soon like immediately would be a bit startling, a bit overly keen, and too late would be rude. So let's give it a 10 to 45 second window. But of course, encourage them through the front door and not an actual window.

Charlie :
So they come in and the first thing they'll want to know is if you're a shoes on or off kind of household, along with where to hang their coat or jacket. If it's a cold day, which it most likely will be because we're in the UK and offering to take their coats, I'd say that seems a bit. Try hard. Um, in a formal situation maybe. But yeah, I wouldn't take their coat. I wouldn't like take it off them whilst they're trying to get it off. That seems. Oh no I don't, I don't think I like that. Um, I'm just imagining myself doing it and I would, I think that would be really awkward. So. Yeah, just pointing to the coat rack. Um, if they're probably naturally getting their coat off and say, oh, you can bung it over there, bung it over there, bung it over there. That's a good one. Check that in the glossary. Um, so yeah, point out the coat rack. If you don't have a designated location for the coats, then maybe take it from them and say, oh, I'll just pop them in here and run away to a random room and place them like on the back of a spare chair or a or a bed. Maybe lie on the bed. I'm getting into the weeds too much here. Anyway, so you've come back. The coats are gone. Um, and then with shoes, you could say at the same time as dealing with the coat, you could say, oh, no, no, feel free to keep your shoes on if you're a shoes on kind of household.

Charlie :
And then to put them at ease, you might want to explain why, like, um. Oh, we don't have carpets in here. Yeah. Just keep them on. Or you could mention that you've got dogs and that they might try and chew any shoe that is left unattended. I don't know, just, um, just something that suggests that there's a reason to keep the shoes on. Otherwise we might feel a little bit uncomfortable keeping them on. But if you want them to take them off, I go for a, um. Oh, yeah. Feel free to pop your shoes here whilst pointing at the shoe rack. Um, I think it's quite important to not be authoritative. Be very casual with that. Otherwise it sets the sets a bit of a bad tone at the beginning. Like you do this, you do that. So be very casual with both the coat and the shoes kind of thing. Now, I know Japanese listeners might be hoping for some slippers to be offered out, but we don't really have that. One of my British friends actually had them to offer us and I loved it. But generally we don't do that. So shoes and coats off. Uh, so the upcoming phrase will be, oh, come on through, come on through. You've got to say it twice for some reason. I'll come on through, come on through, come on through.

Charlie :
So come this way. Go, go with me. To the other side of the house. Maybe. Or to the kitchen. Basically the dining area or the social part of your house. Just a thought, though. Very often we might want a house tour. Um, particularly if it's a new flat or house for the guest, and they are a friend of yours that knows you longer than the length of time you've been in that place. So if you've moved since knowing them, they might be interested in a house tour. I have just made that definition up, but I think I'm spot on with that one. And it would be weird to show someone your bedroom if you've known them less than a year. But my friends that I've had since moving house would would genuinely like to see the gaff. Meaning the house and the entirety of it. So, um, if they fall under that category, you might want to say, um, do you want the tour? Should we do a quick house tour? And if they do seem keen, then it's not rude to show them all rooms. And maybe not the one with the skeletons in the cupboard, but yes, the bathrooms, etc.. I can imagine it might seem a bit rude in some cultures to show the bathroom, but we love it. We're nosy. So yeah, as long as you've known them for a while and I would say try to show it all in a self-deprecating way, like, if it's a really nice place, then point out a few things that are a work in progress, or maybe even ask their opinion about something in an indirect way, like, um, yeah, I'm not sure about these curtains or blinds or I'm not sure about the colour of this room.

Charlie :
We did it this way. Or we might think about doing it this way or this way, but we're not sure yet. Kind of suggesting conversation. And we want your input. That helps. Um, make it less arrogant, I guess. Um, or if they compliment something and you moved in with it there, you could say that. You could say, oh, yeah, that was already here when we moved in. So, yeah. House tour. If they've been your friends for a while, do it in a self-deprecating way, but. Yeah. So coat and shoes and tour is done. And now you're most likely in the kitchen, dining area or lounge. What do you offer them? Um, a tea. It's really like tea, right. Maybe give them an Earl grey. Wrong. You'd be wrong to do that. Save your tea for when you want to let them know it's time for them to f off at the end of the night. Um, I will get to the drink, but I want to say we love to have a few minutes of incredibly small, small talk like how their journey was, talk about the traffic, maybe the weather, how their day has been.

Charlie :
That's a bit less pathetic. Small talk. Um, and maybe even have they had a busy week, that kind of thing. And then whilst that is nearing the end, ask them what you can get them to drink so it's not an immediate hello, coats off, drink. It's a hello Coats off. How are you? How is the traffic? Oh, no. Life's shit. How's the weather? Still shit. Let's have a drink. That's the kind of workflow we want in the social interaction in Britannia. And I'd go with. What can I get you? We've got wine, beer, gin and tonic. And I think we might even have some, um, some elderflower and some sparkling water if you're driving now, I guarantee a lot of Brits have never even had elderflower. And a lot might say this guy doesn't know what he's talking about. He's. He's not a true Brit. Um, it's quite a posh one. Elderflower and sparkling water. I'll give them that if they're going to say that. But I think it's important to offer a soft drink of some kind. Maybe a fizzy drink, but I, um, I don't really like offering soft drinks. I'm just a snob. I'm a snob. Yeah. There you go. That's it. But I did want to say that list because it's important to give an ongoing list tone. I think if you say we've got wine, beer and gin, choose, it's a bit awkward. So if you say, oh, we've got wine, we've got beer, we've got, um, gin and tonic.

Charlie :
Um, what else have we got? That kind of alludes to there being a lot more, but hopefully within that space they will have made their mind up and said something like, oh, I'd love a beer or oh, a G'n'T. That would be nice. Guarantee they say that, um, now they might say this. They might say, um, what are you guys drinking? Because they don't want to force you to open a bottle of wine if they're just drinking it. So you want to navigate that one as a group to let them feel at ease drinking wine? Um, I am going to guess. But maybe some more cultured countries like France and Italy, Maybe even Spain. With your wines, you probably feel like there's no real big deal opening a bottle. Um, but we feel intrinsically guilty for causing somebody to open a bottle of wine for just us. I think, um, it's within our nature to to not impose. We've been taught to keep calm and carry on. And part of that, I'd say, is that we don't want to be a bother. We don't want to be a bother. Yes. So opening a bottle of wine just for me. Oh, Lord. No, dear, not please don't. I'll just have a beer. So, yes, I think I've made my point. I will now move on. So we've got the drink choice locked in. Small, small talk will evolve into small talk, slash real talk.

Charlie :
And so we properly check in with each other and ask for a little catch up. Um, I've noticed over the years that it's nice to digress in conversation and not get through the catch up in the conversation as if we're all on a mission from A to B. I think it gives the evening depth and confirms that you won't run out of conversation as a group. So if you feel the need to fill them in on a backstory before telling them the final answer of how you are and how life's going on, then do that. I encourage you to digress and go in these random areas. Of course, this shouldn't be an overwhelmingly long and boring story if you can throw in some self-deprecating humour along the way in that story, that would be a lovely touch. And that reminds me. Don't compliment people too much. Don't be too happy and over the top like we associate with the Americans. But don't be too deadpan like, um, some other nations that I won't name and smile and laugh at mildly funny things, but don't high five them for getting an achievement, like a promotion or anything that won't get you far. So a middle of the road approach, I'd say with that one. Now, if you are a couple hosting this, so you've got your your partner with you and you're living together and you're hosting the evening together, it is assumed that you are a team in the household chores and hosting, for example.

Charlie :
My wife is really good at cooking, so she will always do the cooking as the host. No one wants to see me cook, so yes, she will cook, but I at the same time will do all the drinks and I will clean up afterwards. Um, if one of you doesn't lift a finger all night, the guests will unconsciously notice that and think it's a bit hard on the other person, or just think that the relationship isn't quite balanced. Um, which I know is different to other cultures. So that's why I'm saying this. Um, and this is, you know, 2024. Having said that, it is still rather commonplace for women to be slightly, slightly, slightly more useful than men. Don't hate on me for saying this, but I had a perfect example of this the other night. I even feel silly saying this, but I feel like equality is a necessity across genders in this day and age. But I had a perfect example of this the other night when we hosted a barbecue. Oh yes, in the summer you could host a British barbecue, of course, but yes, I was needing to de-shell some pistachios. Ridiculous. We couldn't find them de-shelled in the supermarket, and we really wanted them for this particular dish, so I needed to de-shell them, but ran out of time and I asked someone to help do them while I started the barbecue up.

Charlie :
And it just felt natural that either my auntie or mum would offer, rather than my father or my auntie's partner. They came out and appreciated what barbecue I had and played the role of a male ever so slightly. I'm not encouraging this, but as I am giving you a guide on how to host a Brit, I am pulling from stereotypes that I have noticed myself. So while I hope you don't shoot the messenger and class me as a sexist, I just noticed these slight hangovers are still there. Subtle, subtle hangovers that might help you or feel free to challenge them and tell men to get busy. We need to. Now, sexist stuff aside, we're probably on to top up time, meaning you'll want to keep an eye on how quickly your guest is drinking their drink and try to offer a refill within the next few minutes. Generally, we drink a lot and we've created this association between socialising and drinking, and if you don't have a drink in your hand to sip, it feels uncomfortable to be socialising. We like something to do that could be universal, but drink has become so ingrained in us that we need a drink in our hands to feel like we're at ease, and that we're socialising for the fun of it. So if you if you notice that their glass is empty, maybe just a subtle nod to the glass and picking up the wine bottle, making eye contact with them is enough.

Charlie :
If you know conversation is flowing and you don't want to disrupt, or if a topic has come to a natural pause, you could ask them if they want the same again or something else you know, you could make an actual conversation piece out of it. So that's that's drink and nibbles kind of sorted. We'll want to invite our guests to the dining table. Um hum TV dinners. They became popular in the US over the 80s and 90s and onwards. Brits also started to have this, but were a bit more resistant to this and I have never, ever hosted or been a guest where they've plonked me on the sofa with my meal. I think once when I was dating a girl and I was 17 or 18, I went round her house for the fifth time or something and her family gave me a curry and we were all sitting on the sofa watching something. It was very casual. Obviously it wasn't the first time I'd met them, but that felt too casual. Subjective, of course, but there you go. So I would encourage you to get to the dining table and for the drinks and nibbles, maybe around a sofa or the kitchen bar, if you've got something like that. Now, I should have said that you'll want to set the table before they arrive if possible. And this would include napkins, cutlery, usually just a knife, fork and spoon, then a water glass and a wine glass.

Charlie :
This, along with some centrepieces and candles, is a nice touch, but not necessary. And um, yes, some music. Yeah, we need some music. Don't put the Beatles on because you think we all like them. Let's put something a bit more like, um, an innocent bit of lounge jazz or, um, I mean, I might put a Frank Sinatra radio playlist from Spotify on, uh, for the boomers, like my parents and auntie and that. And then any younger. And you could put more indie stuff on. So, I mean, Spotify should be able to cover this by searching something basic like dinner party mix or something like that. And let's see. So we're at the table main course now. So yeah, we've sat down, we take our napkins and pop it on our laps. I was taught this by Stacey to do this immediately before I used to do it when the food had been served, and then maybe even leave it there until I need it. But somebody who's been trained right should take their napkin off the table and put it on their lap as soon as they sit down. This is a pathetic detail that you can just skip past if you don't care that much. But you know I'm being thorough. I've got no one to interrupt me. It's a monologue, after all. You will want to tell them what you're serving up if you haven't done so already in this moment. So, yeah, as you're bringing the, the, the pot or the, um, communal dish that you put in the middle of the table, you might want to say what you've got.

Charlie :
So you'd be like, oh, we're having chicken pie tonight. Pop it down. And then I would encourage you to dish them up, to dish up. Phrasal verb. It's a nice one. Um, so you need to give them the food. So if you've got a main cooking dish like in chicken pie or a pot of something like a curry, you bring it to the table, take their plate from where they're sat, give them a medium amount, and then look them in the eyes and say something like, is that all right for now, or do you want a bit more? Or how's that? And doing that whilst going back to get more food up onto the utensil you're using. And I almost guarantee they'll say one of these two responses either, oh go on then, which is a yes, an option two or I better not, which is a no. Okay. So we're all sat down tucking in. Typically we don't do anything religious these days. My auntie who lives in Australia still gets us to hold hands and say grace before we tuck in, but I've never come across that in the UK before. We even sometimes make a joke about holding hands and praising the Lord. Naughty, I know, I guess it's probably a bias that my friends and family are not religious, so we don't meet other religious families.

Charlie :
But yeah, I don't think we're a particularly religious country in comparison these days. So a couple of mouthfuls in and your guest will likely compliment you on your cooking. And I know I'm being painfully particular, but if you really want to make them feel at home, try to think of a new conversation topic. If no one else is talking in that moment as it's the teensiest bit awkward. If there is a silence whilst they taste your cooking for the first time, you almost want it to be hard for them to find time to compliment it. And then if they get a chance, you say a sincere thank you, followed quickly by something self-deprecating, for example. Oh thank you. Um, yeah, it's a work in progress, but hopefully edible or. Oh, I'm glad you think so. My partner is sick to death of it. So. Yeah. Nice to hear someone appreciates it for a change. Um, one more option. Um. Oh, that's nice of you to say so. It's one of the few that I've got down, or so I'm told. But. Yeah. Thank you. Something like that. And remember, the compliment could be quite disguised. Um, I was watching a British comedian the other day, and he said the biggest difference between the UK and the US is that Americans go in to something, assuming they're going to have a great time. Brits come away from something, surprised that they had a nice time, and might even be slightly annoyed that they were pleasantly surprised, which I think is spot on because after coming out of a cinema or a theatre production, British people will say something like, oh, that was quite good actually, wasn't it? Or um, that wasn't half bad.

Charlie :
Whereas I'd guess someone from the US would say, wow, what a great movie! Or oh, that was awesome. So going back to the compliment for your cooking, you might have to pay close attention to the phrasing they choose for this compliment. It might just be. It might be a simple, oh, this isn't half bad. You know, that's a compliment. This isn't half bad. Weird isn't it? Okay, so now keep their drink topped up. Of course. And if they were on a beer, you might suggest a wine that goes with the food a bit better. Uh, what do we do? We typically pair white wine with fish and red wine with red meat, like beef or lamb. Um, but don't be surprised if you hear a Brit saying, oh, I'm not fussy, I'll drink anything. Um, that's because while we do have some guidelines for wine pairings, we're not always strict about it. Many Brits might not be connoisseurs, and they often care more about enjoying the company than getting the perfect wine Pairing. The key is to keep things relaxed and not too formal, because the aim of the evening is good conversation and laughter, and maybe being pleasantly surprised by the choice of wine is a bonus.

Charlie :
But yeah, most Brits will not be thinking, oh, what wine are we going to have with dinner? So if you care about wine, don't be too detailed. We very quickly feel like it's being too pretentious and dare I say it, too French. And with that, we've come to the end of the main course. Oh, but if there's more in the pot, um, like there's more food. Then offer your guest some more. Um. A well-trained British guest will not simply help themselves. So encourage them to have seconds if they emptied their plate. Um, some may leave a little on the plate, which just shows that they're full. It doesn't mean that they think you're horrible and they hate your cooking, so don't get paranoid about it. It doesn't mean much. It just means that they're full and they're happy and content. Obviously, if they leave loads, then that's a bit awkward and they don't like your cooking. Um, once everyone has finished, you should start clearing the plates gradually whilst conversing. American culture is to remove the plate of anyone who's finished, whereas British culture is to keep the empty plates there until the last person has finished their meal. Reason being is I think Brits don't like the idea of being rushed and being made to feel like we're the last person eating. And then I think for the American perspective, it would probably come from the idea of really good service.

Charlie :
They get a tip if they're really good, right? And a waiter sees an empty plate, they will go and take it because they don't want the customer to be staring at an empty plate. I can see both reasons for it. But yeah, Brits will keep the plates there until everyone has finished, so you're clearing the plates whilst gradually conversing and they might offer to help clear as well. But I encourage you to say, oh, don't be silly, sit back down. Um, plus a fun remark like um. Anyway, my partner loves doing the dishes, don't you, darling? Don't say partner. Say the name. I don't know your partner's name if you have a partner. Uh, another thing Brits like to do is put our knife and fork together at the 6:00 position. If a Brit was to listen to this, I think a lot of them would think I'm the world's biggest toff by listing all of the above. But I do think a good host will unconsciously do these things and not even notice it. It's just because I'm listing it all out that it sounds relentless. I'm going to guess I'm above average with my expectations, with what a good host does I really like to host. And I was a bit of an idiot with hosting before I met my wife. And her dad is a chef and they just are very good hosts, and I noticed how enjoyable it was. So I've kind of taken on what they encourage.

Charlie :
So you don't have to do all of what I'm just telling you. But, you know, I think it leads to a very pleasant experience for a guest. So the table has been cleared. Time for a drink. Top up, perhaps. And then, depending on how well the conversation is flowing, you'll either want to bring out the dessert immediately after having cleared the plates, or perhaps let their stomachs settle. And that brings us to the end of part two in our mini series on how to host a Brit for dinner. By now, you should have a better understanding of how to navigate the arrival and settling in phase from the initial small talk to getting the drinks just right and keeping the conversation flowing with just the right amount of British humour. In the next and final episode of this mini series, we'll move on to the grand finale. Desserts, tea and knowing when it's time for your guests to head home. We'll cover what to serve for pudding, how to subtly signal that the night needs to be wrapped up, and which topics to avoid if you want to keep things pleasant to the very end. Plus, we'll look at the quintessential British phrases that might pop up during the evening and how to respond like a true Brit, so don't miss it. Thanks for tuning in today. I'm Charlie Baxter and I look forward to having you back for the next episode of the British English Podcast, Bye Bye.