Transcript of Bitesize Ep 86 - Transcript

Speaker1:
Hello and welcome to the British English Podcast, the show that helps you better understand British culture and British English today. As always, at least for the foreseeable future. You are listening to Charlie Tesi, the creator, the founder and the one and only board member of the show. And in this episode, we are going to be focusing on some storytelling. A story that I can hand on heart say is based on the truth, and to what extent you may ask at points throughout the the whole episode. Really? Well, I will I will leave that for you to decide. So yeah, get ready to enjoy a load of British English thrown into a story that includes a light sprinkling of cultural references along the way. Here we go. It all began when I awoke to the sensation of being bobbed up and down like a buoy out at sea. It took a second to recall that I was on the blow up bed, as my wife's parents were staying the night, and we had been decent humans for once and insisted on them taking our bedroom. The morning was spent making coffee after coffee, fuelling my father in law's unrivalled ability to consume enough caffeine to kill a baby hippo. Once satisfied, I packed my bag, said goodbye, and stepped out the door into a rather crisp, sunny London day. You see, I was heading to my friend's house outside of London for the weekend, and it just so happened that England were playing the quarterfinals of the Euro 2024 on this day, and as kick off was at 5 p.m., I wanted to beat the traffic and get up there in good time.

Speaker1:
I was calmly walking to my nearest underground station, soaking in my surroundings with a newfound appreciation for life. Fresh from a weekend of mindfulness and meditation, I felt invigorated and optimistic. Watch out tooting. Here comes a glass half full kind of guy. And it wasn't until my eyes fell upon a man who was jumping off a bike in a scruffy pair of joggers and a tight fitting tee that claimed to be designer but most likely cost him less than a fiver. And I couldn't pinpoint why he initially caught my attention, but what he did next truly captivated me. He dropped his bike on the pavement beside a phone box, approached the receiver, placed his hand on top and glanced over both shoulders, waiting. As I walked by. I heard the phone ring just a half tone before he swiftly picked up the receiver to answer. I couldn't shake the feeling that something shady was unfolding, as my mind replayed scenes from movies where situations like this lead to a drug deal. But what he said next made me stop dead in my tracks. Yeah, that's right, we're doing it today on Freshwater Road. Why did that sentence hit me like a ton of bricks? Because Freshwater Road was where I lived. My mind went into overdrive.

Speaker1:
What on earth was going to happen on my street today? The man began to look in my direction and my legs instinctively kicked into gear, carrying me to a bench about ten yards away. I sat down, my mind racing. I tried to eavesdrop further, but the noise from someone selling a newspaper nearby made it very difficult for me to hear. But after honing my lip reading skills while preparing a pronunciation course for my online students hint hint wink wink nudge nudge to anyone listening to this podcast, I was able to work out him saying it will be the biggest one we've done. We're really going to make them pay this time. I suddenly realised I was staring at him with my mouth wide open, copying his movements as I teach him my pronunciation course, but subtlety has never really been my strong suit. Feeling like he might be starting to notice me, I quickly jumped up and engaged with the person handing out Metro newspapers. As I opened the paper, my eyes were drawn to a headline about a recent terrorist attack that had sent a ripple of fear across the country. The attack resulted in 20 people injured and three lives lost, and authorities were still searching for the perpetrator. Described as a male of below average height with a buzz cut, wearing a distinct thick silver necklace. I'll admit that the dark side of me chuckled at the fact that they were assuming this man would still be wearing this necklace.

Speaker1:
I looked back towards the phone box and felt my eyebrows raise on their own accord. The man I had overheard was also wearing a very distinct thick silver necklace. Now I know what you're thinking. I was thinking it too, but he was also below average height and had a buzzcut. Now put yourself in my shoes for a moment. Something about his shifty behaviour had grabbed your attention, and you overheard him say that something big is going to happen today on your street. As he put the phone down, took another suspicious look around and grabbed his bike. I had to make a split second decision, follow him or just go watch the football. And considering how poorly the England team had been playing in this tournament, I felt compelled to get my phone out, open up Uber and find the nearest lime bike in the area. Not sponsored. My heart was pounding yet my thumbs were working with a precision I'd never encountered before the swipe range, button, response rate, and even load time seemed to be in perfect harmony. In a flash, I had located a lime bike tucked behind a tree on the other side of the road. Again, not sponsored, but I really wish it was. I judged the oncoming traffic pattern to perfection and boldly stepped off the kerb, hand slightly raised, as if to signal to drivers. I know I'm in the wrong, but I think I'm going to do this anyway.

Speaker1:
And this, combined with a fake hurried skip, got me across the road in one piece without a single honk, which I was grateful for as it meant avoiding an unwanted glance back from the suspicious, slightly shorter than average buzzcut necklace wearing man. He was already on the move, and I could just tell he knew his way around those gear levers. This was someone who clearly understood how to work a chain, but goodness me, he couldn't wear one. But he sure could work one. You know, QR code having been accepted. I fastened my lime green helmet, check my reflection in the shop window, and am displeased to see that it still makes me look like a circumcised penis. I rocked the bike forward and off its stand like a seasoned pro pedalling the electric power into action. Off I wooshed into the road with the wind in my hair and in my eyes. Oh yeah. Great. Something in my eye already before I rub it. Read my hands instinctively reached for the brakes. To my horror, I couldn't find them and my heart skipped a beat for the second time in ten minutes, something I hadn't mentioned in my rush to get to the part with the man in the phone booth was that between leaving my front door and spotting this man, I had a near miss while crossing the street. I mean, I really nearly landed toe first, thankfully not headfirst because that would be insane, but toe first into some dog poo.

Speaker1:
As I said, it didn't step in it, but my heart did skip a beat. So I'm telling you now, it wasn't the first time it had skipped a beat that day. Saying otherwise would just be lying. And if there's anything I dislike more than waffling during an adrenaline filled story, it's just not telling the truth. I just think it's naughty and I was raised right. Okay, praise the Lord. I finally found the brakes, though in my opinion, they were just slightly too far from the handles. While it did cross my mind to give lime some feedback, I saw that my target had just taken a sharp left. I followed suit, he then took a right and I stupidly missed the turning. I doubled back and still managed to find him as he was entering number 23 on, uh, whatever road I was on, I didn't check the name of the road. Who does that? Until they need to know the name of the road that they're on. It's not just me, right? So I stopped short on the unknown street, three houses down, and decided not to end my trip on the Uber app because I had recently paid myself and felt a little bit less stingy because of it. If it had been yesterday, I probably would have ended the trip immediately. It's funny how the brain works, isn't it? No time to assess. Stay focussed. This man is about to commit an unknown but most likely horrendous act on my road today.

Speaker1:
Just then I hear a dog growling and having dog sat over 6 to 7 times in my life, I could tell it was the growl of a slightly overweight British bulldog. He was clearly greeting the dog with some play, which is something I hand on heart really respect about this man. I crouched down outside the window, only slightly regretting not stopping my bike journey, and then heard him shout out to his partner. Can't tell of which gender, if any, at this point in time, a female sounding voice did respond to the greeting and then said, you asked your dad about borrowing his trailer today. The plot thickens. Why does he need a trailer? Why does he not own a trailer if he needs a trailer? What is a trailer? No, I'm joking. I know what a trailer is, but just thought you might not know. And that is why you should join the premium podcast. As I cover all of the intermediate to advanced language in the glossary of every single podcast episode, along with flashcards for you to revise them on the go. But maybe he needs the trailer to carry a devastating nuclear missile, and he was going to launch it from my road before grabbing my phone to dial six, as I had saved MI6 as one of my speed dials. No, sorry. Mi5. Yes, it should be MI5 as it was a domestic case, not an international emergency.

Speaker1:
I then heard him mutter something under his breath, which sounded rather like we had a classic case of a couple in need of some counselling. He then replied saying. Yeah, I asked him. He said it's fine, but we need to pick it up by noon. He then disappeared into the other room, leaving the front room empty, and I could hear the faint sound of plates being put away in the kitchen. My mind raced with possibilities. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had stumbled upon something significant. I crouched behind a hedge, my eyes fixed on the house, waiting for any sign of what they were up to. After a few minutes, they emerged, the man carrying a large duffle bag, while the woman followed closely behind her arms, laden with various supplies, they loaded everything into a beat up van parked in the driveway. The man gave the house one last look before getting into the driver's seat. The engine roared to life and they drove off, leaving me with a decision to make. Follow them or investigate the house further. Or I suppose I could just go watch the football. As I said, though, England weren't doing great, so it had to be one of the first two options. As the van disappeared around the corner, I knew I had a small window of opportunity, quite literally because there was a slightly open window. My heart pounded as I approached it, with a quick glance around to make sure no one was watching.

Speaker1:
I carefully lifted the window higher and slipped inside. The bulldog had clearly not been disturbed. I moved quickly, my senses on high alert. I headed straight for the side table where a bunch of documents lay. After sifting through and ad for a local plumber, a reminder to vote for the Green Party and another ad for a different plumber, I found an AA route planner and before dismissing it, I thought, who uses a route planner these days? So I opened it up and it naturally settled upon a section of Wandsworth with scribbles demarking the map X's marking certain locations throughout Tooting. And there it was, an X on Freshwater Road, with today's date scribbled right next to it. A post-it note then fell out of the route planner with a checklist of materials needed from B and Q. My suspicions were confirmed this was no ordinary couple planning a weekend trip. I quickly took photos of the documents with my phone, making sure to capture every detail, almost certain that I had stumbled upon evidence of a terrorist plot. And it was happening right in my neighbourhood. I knew I had to act fast. I carefully placed the documents back where I found them and made my way out of the house, my heart pounding with a mix of fear and adrenaline. Once outside, I found a safe spot to call the police, despite my hands trembling, I was able to use the speed dial six, then hung up and and used the speed dial five.

Speaker1:
Remembering my previous confusion after hearing the ringtone, I then wondered, what on earth am I going to say to them? We will have to find out what I end up saying to the police if and when they pick up in the next bite size episode, as we are out of time for this one. But I hope you noticed the episode was packed full of intermediate to advanced language that premium podcast members can enjoy consuming with the manually edited transcripts, glossaries, and flashcards, and then Academy members can engage in a well structured four step learning process, which includes writing assignments and small group classes on zoom. I'd say this approach transforms vocabulary from unknown to known and ultimately into their active lexicon. That's all going on in the Academy, and you can apply to join the waiting list by heading over to the British English Podcast.com Slash Academy. But if you were here just for the free episode, then I thank you very much for listening to The End. And if you're not already following the show or subscribed, then please do so on the podcast app that you're listening to this on. And of course, rate and review the show as that really does help the podcast more than you know. All right. We will leave it there for now. I've been your host, Charlie, on the British English Podcast.