Transcript of Libsyn Charlie Chatter_ Mental Institute.mp3

Charlie:
Hello and welcome to today's episode of the British English Podcast. I truly hope that you are happy without suffering, and you are progressing in life in the way that you want to be doing. So, um, now you might be thinking, gosh, that's rather deep, Charlie, what's going on here? Well, aside from genuinely meaning what I just said, it does make for a nice segue into today's episode, which is going to be around the experience I just had over the weekend, just gone because it was an incredibly unique one for me, as I decided to put myself in a straitjacket and get carted off to a mental institute for a weekend. And so I'd like to tell you all about it. Please note while I will be making light of serious matters such as religion and mental health, in this episode, I have the belief that you, a listener of this show, can approach all of life's topics in a playful manner for educational purposes, yet still have a deep respect for the meaningful things in life. So with that said, let me tell you how I ended up in a nuthouse. Do. You see, it all started when I was a couple of pints deep at the pub with my ball and chain. This is a rather derogatory phrase, my ball and chain referring to your partner. And it suggests that you. You're kept prisoner, I guess, uh, or they, they hold you down in some way, which is naughty of me, as I should have been referring to her as my better half in this moment, as she was the one who encouraged me to book onto this wellness trip.

Charlie:
So I was with my better half at the pub, and after a bit of menial chitter chatter, she confessed that she was rather bored of my attitude. Lately that has apparently been gradually morphing towards being a quote unquote grumpy old git. Now, um, I'll be amazed if this is not a global phenomenon. So please get in contact on Instagram at the British English Podcast if your culture is any different. But as I understand it, generally speaking men become more and more miserable. No, not not miserable. Just just grumpy with life or the people around them and the things they have to do as they get older. Women of a certain age definitely don't mirror this as much in my opinion, and I don't know quite why that is, but from my perspective that is how I feel. But being a mere 34 years young right now, I don't quite yet get to blame my grumpy attitude on being an old man. So after she said this, instead of giving in to my initial impulse to chuck my pint in her face, I took a moment to reflect and I realised that over the past year I had indeed become grumpier, and this led me to acknowledge that I had stopped practising a habit that used to be a significant part of my daily routine that used to help combat grumpiness.

Charlie:
Um, the habit I've neglected is mindfulness. This practice involves staying present, consciously noticing when your thoughts drift to the past or future, and gently redirecting them back to the present moment. And mindfulness in the West has become, uh, the Swiss Army knife for the overstimulated and the overstressed, gaining fans with its promise of serenity in a smartphone notification because it's been backed by a barrage of scientific research. And so it's the go to for those seeking calm without, uh, pharmaceuticals or pricey therapy sessions. I feel like everyone from Silicon Valley tech geeks to busy football mums are now taking a mindful moment out of their day. And while they've generally turned it into a very secular practice for Westerners, this activity is closely associated with meditation and Buddhism, a religion like many that goes beyond borders these days. But most Westerners understand that Buddhism is from ancient India. And while I do appreciate a lot of the teachings from this religion, I would personally regard myself as, um, as what they call agnostic, meaning a belief that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God. So I'm not religious, but I'm certainly not an atheist. I'm, um, I'm like a singleton on the side of a dance floor, twiddling my thumbs, waiting to be asked for a dance if the dancing partner is a belief system.

Charlie:
But yeah, maybe I am content being on the side. I'll sit with that one for a while. Either way, while I enjoy the practice of mindfulness and meditation or have done in the past, I'm not a follower of the Buddhist religion per se. So please bear that in mind for this episode, and let's revisit my aha moment at the pub, which was followed by a quick and excited Google search where I found a mindfulness retreat only two hours away and it was happening two weeks from then for a whole weekend. I naturally skipped the small print, signed up and paid, and got back to my beer. Still, as a grumpy old man, but one with a slight glint in his eye reminiscing about the previous, more balanced version of himself that he might encounter in less than two weeks time. So skip forward to the following Friday, and he's packing his bag whilst reading what he needs to bring. It turns out I needed jack squat, meaning nothing at all, and all devices were banned from the premises and it said that they would be ringing a bell at 630 in the morning for the morning meditation at 645. Now this, pardon the pun, raised the alarm for me because while I do generally work between the hours of 9 a.m. and and 7 p.m.

Charlie:
most days, I mean, it's 10 p.m. right now whilst recording this, but I haven't actually set an alarm for a very long time. I naturally wake at around 7:45. So yeah, a 630 start and needing to be up and out the bed sharpish was a bit daunting because I love a faff in the morning, a good 20 minute period of just getting out of the bed slowly and just just generally faffing and wasting 20 minutes of my time before, um, really coming to. I mean, after all, I am a grumpy old man, right? So yeah. Bags are packed. I say goodbye to my darling wife and off I go Driving to the retreat. Traffic was, as we say in English, a nightmare. But Friday afternoon, out of London. What did I expect? Right? Well, I didn't expect to be sat in standstill traffic for over an hour, then for my phone to overheat from the sun, turn off and back on. And for Waze, the navigation app to show me a new shortcut, which I blindly took and 45 minutes later realised it was sending me back home. Oh, not only this, but I'd gone and done a loop of this toll that is called the Dartford Crossing in East London, which I'd say probably less than 5% of you listening know of this, but those of you who do are scoffing out loud right now. I essentially paid to take a tunnel under the River Thames, come out, exit that road, and immediately join the road for the bridge back over the River Thames, which again is a toll, all the while in close to standstill traffic.

Charlie:
So, um. Yeah, back I went for the third time in under an hour, paying for the Dartford Crossing to sit in more traffic. But, you know, I felt like the teachings of the weekend's retreat had already begun. So although a two hour journey took over six hours, I managed to remain unfazed getting to this retreat, even though my ass was more numb than a monk's bum after a six hour sit in the lotus position. And you know who I was met by when I finally got there? 60 fucking monks. No. I'm joking. They weren't monks. They were. There were 60 of them. I was not expecting that many people. I was thinking maybe ten of us would be there. But yeah, after coming in late to the dining room and sitting down, I could, uh, I could feel that the energy was was palpable. And bear in mind, I was sat with a bunch of strangers who were in a full, flowing conversation. But the way that they welcomed me into their discussion was so heartwarming it nearly brought me to tears. I mean, it could have been the hay fever that kicked in as soon as I got out of the car. Um, no. Yeah, it was actually the hay fever because I couldn't stop sneezing and wanting to gouge my eyeballs out all weekend long, and my nose was like a bloody tap, I kid you not.

Speaker1:
Mid meditation in a room full of 60 wannabe monks. My nose dripped, actually dripped snotty water onto my lap before I could get a tissue to it. Oh god, the shame. But thankfully, the only, uh, person looking my way was the statue of the Buddha. But yeah. Let's rewind. So, uh, I was greeted warmly. And then after dinner, we were taken through to the shrine and oh wow, it was beautiful with a three metre tall golden Buddha, but also a little intimidating, especially considering everyone was going in bowing in a very specific way. Then towards the end of the evening, everyone went up to the front to light a candle and get down on their hands and knees in an incredibly subservient like way that, um, honestly made my Western brain think, run away! Get out of here now before they sit in a circle and drink poison together. And the odd thing about this was how it was advertised as an introduction to mindfulness. And while, yes, the small print did say that there would be some seasoned Buddhist practitioners with us, I was really taken aback by how the weekend was jam packed with Buddhist rituals that the majority of us knew little about, but we just had to follow along.

Speaker1:
It was it was so odd for me to be lighting candles, waving incense around and chanting gobbledegook in perfect harmony. Um, but after the initial shock of how, uh, religious the experience was, I did find comfort in the meditations and was slowly refreshing myself with the purpose of sitting in complete silence, minus the sniffles from a few weaklings with hay fever. So yeah, I was. I was seeing the reason why I was there. What else did we do apart from sit in silence? Oh. Get this. So we we meditated in the shrine for like seven hours on the Saturday, but in between we ate three meals breakfast, lunch and dinner, um, together and went for some mindfulness walks and even did chores around the place, like doing the dishes and sweeping the floors. But all of this, all of this was done in silence. It was so peculiar. I shared a room with two so peculiar for me. I shared a room with two other people and we weren't allowed to speak to each other. I sat down for breakfast next to a group of ten people at my table that I've known for less than 24 hours, and we had to sit in complete silence. So, so bizarre for me. Did I like it? I think I did. It was odd. It, um, it helped me stay present and not get distracted by outward stimulation. And we could eat mindfully, which was nice, but it really took some getting used to.

Speaker1:
There were also moments where I just thought, God, what have I done? Why am I here? So we did some mindful walking on the Sunday morning, and they encouraged us to just choose a patch of grass and go barefoot to get the feeling of the dewy grass in the morning, but just do ten paces and turn around and do another ten. And do this repeatedly, slowly but repeatedly for 25 minutes. And yeah, there were quite a few moments where I sort of looked up and saw 60, 60 people just pacing back and forth. I just thought if aliens landed and just looked at us, they'd be like, we're getting out of here. What is this? What on earth are they doing? So I had a bit of a struggle with that, but equally it was I got it, it was really nice, but it was just so comical at the same time. Yeah. What else did we do? We journaled. I've never really done that before. And oh my God, I can't believe I haven't mentioned this. 1 in 1 meditation sitting, we were asked to partner up and stare into each other's eyes in, you guessed it, complete silence. Gosh, those two minutes went slowly. So yeah, a really weird but wonderful, wonderful weekend. Um, considering I hadn't sat in silence for a long time and then was suddenly doing it for seven hours on the Saturday I was.

Speaker1:
I was definitely over it by the late afternoon. I think it even crossed my mind to just get in my car and drive away, because one of the hardest things I found was to not have any form of entertainment, to indulge myself in between the meditating and meals, and it it helped me to have a little epiphany, I'd say, and I'd like to share it with you. So, um, I think I've been a bit more like a grumpy old man, because I've become a bit of a pleasure seeking addict. So I realised I'm always on the lookout for small things, but admittedly pleasurable things. For example, an amazing coffee that gets me excited to get up and ready for the day. Um, watching TikTok when I go to the toilet. Um, having a nice lunch or meal or like when we're out, maybe a burger or a naughty Five Guys burger. Oh my gosh. I mean, I only have them like, what, 3 or 4 times a year or maybe a little bit more than that. But my God, I have a craving for them when I see them. Um, but even sillier, smaller things like checking my phone when I'm bored or instantly picking it up when I see a notification, uh, wanting a bit of chocolate after a meal or when I'm doing something I perceive as a task that I don't want to be doing, like washing up, I say to myself that I'll put on a nice podcast to get me through that experience.

Speaker1:
So these little things all tot up to make me a pleasure seeker. And according to the Dharma, the teachings of Buddhism, the enlightened avoid seeking pleasure because it leads to craving and attachment. And they are also aware of not fearing discomfort. And I can now see that not only have I been craving those little moments throughout the day, but I've also been fearing the discomfort in my day. So if I'm having to put the bins out and, um, the bin liner splits, or I'm looking after a friend's dog who wees on our outdoor sofa, I was, um, I was really wound up, partly because it's annoying for anyone and that's fine, but also because I'm in fear of doing something that is not pleasurable or that is discomforting. I'm in fear of doing something that is discomforting. It really. It really hit home to me. Oh, and another one I just remembered. So if I'm keen to get on the sofa to watch the next episode of something on Netflix and I've got some washing to put out, I'm rushing through that to get to the pleasurable thing, so I'm in fear of spending any more time than absolutely necessary on the discomfort of a chore. And I'm craving the pleasure of the upcoming episode.

Speaker1:
And I think that speaks volumes to anyone who plays video games. When I was a teenager and a young adult, if I played a video game, that was, in my opinion, way better than reality itself, I would often feel like everything else in my day is totally unnecessary. Like going to school. Oh god, I've got to go to school having to do homework. Oh my God, I've now got home from school. I want to play that video game. This homework is such an inconvenience. And then being told dinner's ready, I remember that. Oh, the rage from being made food by my loving mother when I heard dinner's ready. Oh, God. I used to get so annoyed. And this was all because I was a little pleasure seeking addict. Now I know that to some of you, it might feel like I'm explaining why one plus one equals two, or that you might be thinking I'm over the top with my analysis, but hearing how it is advised to avoid seeking pleasure and avoid fearing discomfort really, really did sink in over the weekend. And I actually remember learning this lesson when I was 22. So I guess 12 years ago when I first got into mindfulness, and I remember coming back to my bedroom in my parents house and they, um, they had five cats. Yes, five cats at the time. Don't ask why they had five, but, uh, yeah, very often one of those cats would manage to sneak into my bedroom when I was out of the house, and it used to infuriate me just because it left cat fur on my bedding.

Charlie:
But that day, after absorbing this teaching through another mindfulness course that I had attended back then, um, I came home from that course. Uh, I think I took my shoes off, went upstairs, and, um. Yeah, I think I took my socks off in the landing, opened my bedroom door and stood in cat sick. And I will never forget how instead of having a meltdown for ten minutes without thinking about it, I burst out laughing. I genuinely saw the funny side to it instantly. So yeah, I'm really happy to have reconnected with this fundamental that I had let slip in my life. And after saying our goodbyes, I got in my car and again noticed a distinct difference between my driving style driving to the retreat and my driving style driving Driving home from the retreat before I was, uh, I was I was spotting the numpty on the road, uh, the person that didn't respect the rules or even having minor road rage if someone did something dangerous. And now I feel I feel silly saying this, but I really did think this. I was driving with the main thought in the back of my mind of how can I help everyone on the road to get home safely.

Charlie:
Oh God.

Charlie:
I know, I know, I am the Lord and Saviour himself. I might start wearing robes out and about. Actually. Just need to learn how to grow a proper Jesus beard. Although the Dalai Lama doesn't have much facial hair. Hmm. Maybe I'm destined to be a Buddhist after all. Either way, I think I should leave this one here for today. I hope you enjoyed hearing how my experience at a meditation retreat in the East of England went, and that you also took note of the native expressions I threw at you throughout this one. There were a lot I'd say my Charlie Chatter episodes are peppered with them, which probably classes them as a more advanced type of lesson, although it's a monologue which is often less confusing than a two way conversation. Regardless, you'll most likely want to take the time to go through the native language. We, of course, do all of the hard work for you in the premium podcast with transcripts, extended glossaries, and flashcards if you wanted to get straight to the learning and avoid the hassle. And we've got the Academy that takes those premium resources and turns them into a structured mini course for each episode, ensuring that you fully integrate the expressions into your spoken language. You can check out all of that at the British English Podcast.com. But that's it from me. Today. I've been your host, Charlie Baxter, the wannabe Buddha, and you've been listening to the British English Podcast. See you next time. Hey.