Transcript of Bitesize Ep 82 - Transcript

Charlie:
Hello and welcome back to the British English Podcast, the show that is here to help you improve your British English and cultural understanding. And in today's bitesize episode, we are continuing and concluding the tale called The Mystery of the Crimson Manor. This is part three, so if you haven't listened to part one or two of the story, then I absolutely insist that you do so. Uh, look for Bitesize episode 80 and 81. Alright, so as you are still listening, I assume you have listened to part one and two. And just to remind you, we had a Sherlock Holmes style main character called Alistair Crane who went to this big old country house in England for a weekend of fine dining and relaxation with his wife, Clarissa, and his two children, Felicity and Toby. Uh, this was all thanks to the host, Lord Crimson, who shows off a rather impressive jewel to his guests, his family and friends who were there, and he explains that he's about to sell it in an auction to save the house from having to be sold to someone else. But the lights go off and the jewel goes missing. Oh no. But Alistair Crane is there, so he steps into investigator mode and starts to do what Sherlock Holmes would do, right? Um, so this is where part one ended, and then part two picked up the story where the kids had just found some evidence that led to Alistair Crane accusing the groundsman, called Mr. Strood for having taken the jewel, but he was incorrect. And that was the end of part two. And here we are with part three. The investigation continues. Will he get to the bottom of it? Stay tuned to find out. Oh, and also all of the voices you hear are mine. But they're through this clever little weird voice changer I've been playing around with. But yeah, this is all me. Uh, a bit random, but, uh, hope you enjoy the ending of this little story of mine. Okay, let's get into part three of The Mystery of the Crimson Manor.

Mr Crane:
Okay, everyone, please remain where you are. I'm going to need some more time to search the house from top to bottom in order to find the stone.

Lord Crimson:
Mr. Crane, could you please do it a bit more discreetly this time? It's a sensitive matter.

Mr Crane:
I'll do what I can, Lord Crimson. Clarissa, why don't you come with me this time? The children can stay put. You be good now. Felicity, look after your brother. And, uh, Toby, why don't you teach your sister how to read?

Toby:
Okay, daddy. Well, Felicity, have you got an iPhone or something? What the hell is an iPhone? Just use it to download this episode's worksheet. With all the hard to understand language. I think you go to theBritishEnglishPodcast.com or click the link in the show notes. He's gone mad. Oh I hope mummy and daddy are okay.

Mr Crane:
Clarissa, look at that painting. It's been straightened already. That was very quick of Bernard to do that. Wait. Hang on. How did he have time to do so? He's been with us the whole time, hasn't he?

Mrs Crane:
Uh, maybe. Maybe someone else did it. Yes. Yes, maybe the maid is, um, is as OCD as you. Alistair.

Mr Crane:
Hmm, I smell a rat. Let's just have a quick gander, shall we?

Mrs Crane:
What we? We're wasting time, Alistair. Let's try to find some more evidence to support the case for Mr. Strood having taken it.

Mr Crane:
Come on, there's no harm in looking.

Mr Crane:
Wait, there's. There's something. There's something behind this painting. Yeah, it's a secret hatch.

Mrs Crane:
Really? How fascinating.

Mr Crane:
Whoa! Clarissa! Hold her steady.

Mrs Crane:
Sorry, darling.

Mrs Crane:
Whoops!

Mr Crane:
Oh...

Mrs Crane:
Alistair, are you alright?

Mr Crane:
I suppose. Just a bruised ego. Ah, let's see what's in that ruddy hatch, then.

Mr Crane:
It's empty... Hmm, I think we were close there, Clarissa. Really close.

Mrs Crane:
Or perhaps it was just another false lead. You've not really been able to close any of your last cases, now, have you? Maybe you're losing your touch, darling.

Mr Crane:
How could you bring that up now? Especially when I'm about to crack this one.

Mr Crane:
Bernard, what do you know about the secret hatch behind the painting?

Bernard:
I know nothing about it, sir.

Lord Crimson:
Bernard has been with us for years. I trust him implicitly. And to be honest, these accusations at my staff are starting to do more harm than good. The people in this room are some of my closest friends and family, and I will not subject them to such scrutiny. I trust that the stone will come to light when the dogs wake up from their evening nap.

Mr Crane:
I'm sorry. The dogs?

Lord Crimson:
Yes. Winston, Percival and Rupert have quite the nose for this type of thing. They'll be able to find the jewel as soon as they wake. Which won't be long now.

Mrs Crane:
Darling. Um, remember my, uh, my, um, extreme allergies.

Mr Crane:
What's that?

Mrs Crane:
Lord Crimson, I'm sorry, but I have some very serious allergies when in in in in contact with all dogs. So I must ask that we leave. Anyway, I don't think my husband would be able to sit tight without poking his nose into your family affairs until this jewel is found.

Lord Crimson:
Um. Oh, right. Yes.

Bernard:
Your lordship, we wouldn't want one of your guests to have a bad reaction, now, would we? Nor for Mr. Crane to do any more unnecessary work on a trip for leisure. How about we bring the stagecoach around and have them off the premises before the dogs come, too?

Mr Crane:
If you insist.

Bernard:
I do, sir, I really think it's best.

Felicity:
Mummy! Can I brush my hair again, please?

Mrs Crane:
Not now, darling, we're in a rush. We need to leave immediately.

Felicity:
Mummy. Can have it now?

Mr Crane:
Clarissa, will you just let her have the brush?

Toby:
Wow. Look what I found. It's that shiny thing.

Mr Crane:
Ah. The heart of the Empire. Clarissa, how could you?

Mrs Crane:
Alistair, please let me explain.

Mr Crane:
Start talking Clarissa. Now.

Mrs Crane:
Uh, children, um, why don't you play with this music box that I brought for you? Here you are. Alistair, we're in debt. Your last few cases still remain open with unpaid invoices, and the kids school fees are getting even higher. And I couldn't face the shame of pulling them out of that school. I mean, think what Susan would tell our friends. We'd be the laughing stock of the village. We'd have to move. And with what? No money? No. I was forced to take action, Alistair.

Mr Crane:
So you stole the jewel? I mean, how did you even do it?

Mrs Crane:
Now, I'm not proud of this. I felt there was no other way. But I found out something about Bernard a while back, and I, um. Well, I just wrote to him, reminding him that he wouldn't want that piece of information in the wrong hands.

Mr Crane:
I'm sorry. So you blackmailed the butler to steal the most valuable stone known to man?

Mrs Crane:
Well, if you put it like that, then yes, but.

Felicity:
Look Mummy! Look how it spins.

Mrs Crane:
Yes, darling. Yes, it's. It's lovely, isn't it? Yes. The ballerina twirls with the music. Gorgeous, isn't it? Alistair, you have no idea how much time and energy I've put into this plan. But look, look, we have it in front of us. We're. We're going to be rich beyond our wildest dreams.

Mr Crane:
I can't believe this. I thought you were an honest woman up until this point.

Mrs Crane:
Oh, don't give me that, Alistair. I know about Jane.

Mr Crane:
Excuse me?

Mrs Crane:
Don't play dumb. You're no saint. To be truthful, I had even come to accept it. You and I, we've. We've had our differences, and your work has gotten in the way of our marriage somewhat. But I don't blame you for that. I just I just want Felicity and Toby to grow up in a safe environment with an opportunity to. To do what they choose.

Mr Crane:
Clarissa. I don't know what to say. I'm ashamed, obviously, but is this. Is this really what you want?

Mrs Crane:
Well. It's a bit late for that. Don't you see what I've got in my hands, Alistair?

Mr Crane:
Goodness me, darling, I. I hate to be this way, but above all, right now it's it's killing me to not ask how you pulled this all off. Please indulge me.

Mrs Crane:
Okay, I will, but only if you agree to be part of this with me.

Mr Crane:
Well, it's it's a bit late for that one, isn't it? Go on. Put me out of my misery, then.

Mrs Crane:
Well, it all started at last year's gathering. Do you remember going to bed before Bernard and I turned in?

Mr Crane:
Vaguely.

Mrs Crane:
That night, we were feeling a bit daring, and so Bernard decanted a whole bottle of Lord Crimson's finest port. But soon after, we were the only two left up. And well, Bernard was very aware of how Lord Crimson would hate for the wine to go to waste, so he insisted that we drink the entirety of it. Well, one thing led to another and and we started telling each other all sorts. And it seems that Bernard has a chequered past. Well, no, it's it's not really his fault what happened. He was he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, we could say. You see, originally Bernard was the master of the household for none other than Queen Victoria. Until, that is, he walked in on her and, um, um, John Brown, uh, having a bit of hanky panky.

Mr Crane:
What? Wasn't he her servant?

Mrs Crane:
Yes. And Queen Victoria's symbolism of morality and proprietary was everything to her after Prince Albert's passing. And so she banished Bernard from the grounds and sent him far, far away to Lord Crimson. And it was said that if this gets out, he would he would be sentenced to death without a trial.

Mr Crane:
Golly, that's a big one.

Mrs Crane:
So he was sworn to secrecy and his life depended on it.

Mr Crane:
But that still doesn't explain how the stone is on your person.

Mrs Crane:
Yes, yes. I'm getting to that.

Mr Crane:
Look at you. You're rather enjoying yourself right now, aren't you?

Mrs Crane:
Don't be silly, Alistair. So I wrote to Bernard prior to this event. I explained our situation and dare I say it, he was almost understanding, obviously petrified that I'd spill the beans, but still somewhat sympathetic to our bad luck. And so he put together a plan. He even got me to write a letter to the groundsman.

Mr Crane:
I thought I recognised that handwriting. Why did he do that?

Mrs Crane:
Beats me. Although I guess he wanted to throw you off the scent. But, you know, you nearly caught us.

Mr Crane:
Really? When?

Mrs Crane:
With that hatch behind the painting. He apparently installed a copper rod on the roof to encourage the lightning to blow the lights, and was ready to grab the stone in the darkness. And then when he was resetting the fuse, he stashed the stone in the hatch behind the painting.

Mr Crane:
So how come it was empty? Wait, did you shake the ladder deliberately?

Mrs Crane:
Yes I did. I'm sorry, Ally, but I had to. For the sake of Bernard, myself, you and our children. Forgive me, but it seemed like fate as at that very moment, lightning struck again, allowing me to hop up there and bag the stone before you were any the wiser.

Mr Crane:
I bet those dogs gave you a fright, then.

Mrs Crane:
Well, you can say that again.

Mr Crane:
I said I bet those dogs gave you a fright then.

Mrs Crane:
Wow. I always knew you'd make a great dad to our little ones.

Charlie:
Oh, Alistair, what's he like eh? Making dad jokes when he's just realised his wife has committed a crime worthy of being hung, drawn and quartered. Hahaha! You gotta laugh at the face of danger. Um, no, I don't recommend taking on, uh, the morals of any of these characters really. Yeah. All a bit dodgy and flawed. Um, just like that voice changer. But we had fun, didn't we? I mean, I did anyway, I had a lot of fun, and you got a load of native expressions in there. Did you notice them? If not, go back and listen or join the premium podcast or academy to really make the vocabulary stick and not let it lay forgotten. Thanks again though for listening to the end of this one. I really do appreciate your listenership. Um, I've been your host, Charlie aka Lord Crimson. You've been a bloody good listener and I hope to see you again next week. Until then, um, don't fall for any of those scams telling you that your family have just inherited a load of money. Um, yeah. I mean, one of you, maybe one of you might actually have inherited something, but for the rest of us, it's a scam. Um. Alright. Yeah. Get out of here you. Much love from me, Charlie. Host of the British English Podcast.