Transcript of Bitesize Ep 80 - Transcript

Charlie:
iHello, hello, hello. Welcome to today's episode of the British English Podcast, the show that attempts to give you culture and language at the same time. But today, a new technology has caught my eye. And like a magpie, I just can't help myself from trying it out. So I hope you won't mind being my guinea pig for today's episode. You see, I've been moving rooms recently to try and find a better office setup in my flat in London, and while I have now achieved this, the acoustics are rather awful. So while I go about installing more and more sound panels gradually, I found an AI plugin that removes some of the echo from my voice when recording in an empty room, and I bought it and loved it. I was very happy with it. And then yesterday the same company emailed me saying they have a new AI voice changer. Aww! I had a look at it and it sparked a tonne of storytelling ideas because I recorded a couple of pub based stories a couple of years ago on this podcast, but felt limited by my inability to do different accents, and I certainly couldn't do a girl's voice very well. I mean, I guess it's it's just something that us manly men have to accept. But this new AI voice changer allows me to overcome that problem. I mean, let me show you. So we have...

Charlie:
An old friendly man's voice.

Charlie:
We have an innocent little girl's voice.

Charlie:
A rather attractive woman's voice. I don't know why I think she's attractive or I look attractive, I am she.

Charlie:
A really big and booming male voice?

Charlie:
I mean, the list goes on. So I thought about it and decided that I'd like to do a little Sherlock Holmes style story for you. So I've gone ahead and recorded this, uh, added some sound effects and background music, and I think we now have something worthy for your ears, so let's run it from the top. And, um, we'll call this one The Mystery of the Crimson Manor.

Bernard:
Welcome back to Crimson Manor, Mr. and Mrs. Crane. I do hope the travels were as comfortable as can be, despite the downpour of rain during your travels.

Mr Crane:
Uh, mother is her best, Bernard. The trip dragged a tad as the fog still didn't budge, even after the onslaught of bad weather, which is quite the mysterious touch. I hope it's not a bad omen for the weekend's events.

Mrs Crane:
Oh, Alistair. Always the detective. You're off the clock remember this weekend?

Mr Crane:
Old habits die hard, darling. Surely you of all people know that by now.

Toby:
Oh, boy. Felicity, let's go and explore the house and grounds.

Felicity:
Oh, I'd like that very much. Daddy. Can we? I think that balcony up there looks like the perfect place to play Rapunzel and let down my hair.

Mr Crane:
Hmm. I'm not sure about that. The balcony will be wet and very slippery.

Mrs Crane:
Oh, come now, Alistair, relax. You need to take a leaf out of your daughter's book and learn how to let your hair down once in a while.

Bernard:
Um, I don't mean to interrupt a domestic, but dinner will be served shortly, followed by a rather exciting announcement from Lord Crimson himself.

Mr Crane:
Thank you, Bernard. Oh, yes. Alright then, Felicity, off you go. Just don't do anything I wouldn't do, okay?

Felicity:
Yay! Thank you Daddy. Mommy, can I have your hairbrush, please? I want to use it as a microphone if we play popstars.

Mrs Crane:
Uh, yes. One second, darling.

Felicity:
Come on. Dinner will be served soon. It's in your handbag. I saw you using it a second ago.

Mrs Crane:
Alright, alright, I just need to. There we go. Yes. There you are.

Bernard:
Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats. Dinner is served.

Mr Crane:
Bernard, that portrait over the mantelpiece. Was it always askew?

Bernard:
Ah, an observant eye, as always, Mr. Crane. It was straightened just this morning, but perhaps the weather has caused it to shift ever so slightly out of place. I'll see to it that the maid does a once over after the storm settles.

Mr Crane:
Oh, right. Right you are. Sorry for asking.

Mrs Crane:
Even on a day off, Alistair, you always manage to find something to puzzle over.

Mr Crane:
True. But tonight, at long last, I am here as a guest. I shall do my utmost to enjoy the time off with you, my darling.

Mr Stewart:
Evening all. Mind if I join you at this end of the table?

Mrs Crane:
Oh, of course, Mr. Stewart. Do join us. How has the garden fared after the recent storms?

Mr Stewart:
Gardens are thriving. Too much attention from the storms, if you ask me.

Bernard:
No cause for alarm, just the weather. Playing tricks on our electricals.

Lord Crimson:
Welcome, welcome, welcome. Thank you ever so much for coming to this weekend away at Crimson Manor. I'm sure you are all aware how the once great English country houses, up and down Great Britain have sadly fallen into disrepair over the last century or so. However, due to a recent acquisition, I'm over the moon to announce that Crimson Manor will be able to live on fully funded after the auction that we have invited bidders to come to from all over the world, which will be held tomorrow. But tonight we dine amongst good friends and family and Bernard, how's about we give them a cheeky glimpse at the damn thing, hey?

Bernard:
If if you think it wise to do so, your lordship.

Lord Crimson:
Come now, Bernard. Think how far they've travelled. Let's not keep them waiting any longer. Let's raise a glass to spending an evening away from the bustle of the city. A toast to good friends and good food.

Everyone:
To good friends and good food!

Toby:
Daddy. Will the lights flicker when it thunders?

Mr Crane:
Well, Toby, when lightning strikes, it can disrupt the power flow temporarily. It's like the sky is so full of energy, it just has to share it with us.

Felicity:
It's like magic.

Mrs Crane:
With a touch of science.

Bernard:
Here it is, Lord Crimson, shall we unveil the evening's piece de résistance?

Lord Crimson:
Oh, yes, Bernard, let's. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for a sight few have had the privilege to behold.

Mr Crane:
The heart of the Empire. Exquisite, indeed.

Mrs Crane:
It's even more beautiful than I could have imagined. Almost feels like it shouldn't be here, but in a museum.

Mr Stewart:
Yet here it is, in front of our very eyes.

Lord Crimson:
An artefact of immense value and beauty. One that will ensure the future of Crimson Manor. Enjoy the evening, everyone. Feast your eyes as well as your palates.

Bernard:
More wine anyone?

Mrs Crane:
Just a touch more, Bernard. Thank you.

Mr Crane:
You're ensuring Bernard keeps busy tonight?

Mrs Crane:
Only ensuring he doesn't fall asleep standing up like at last year's gathering.

Bernard:
Ladies and gentlemen, please remain calm. It seems the storm has caught up with us. I'll check the fuses immediately.

Lord Crimson:
Don't make a big fuss of it all, Bernard. This happens all the time.

Bernard:
That should do it. Oh my goodness! The heart of the Empire. Where is it?

Everyone:
*gasps*

Charlie:
Ooh! I know, I know, I left you on a cliff-hanger. But fear not, I will be continuing this short story soon. So keep your eyes peeled for part two of The Mystery of the Crimson Manor. I hope you enjoyed it. Um, I know the script isn't exactly going to win me a BAFTA anytime soon, but I find it amazing to think that all of those voices were mine, just with a filter over the top. It's like an Instagram filter for your voice rather than your face. Um, anyway, if you are for some reason interested in learning what technology I was using, then feel free to reach out on Instagram and I'll direct you to it. Congratulations for getting to the end of this Sherlock Holmes style episode, and I hope to see you back here next week. I've been your host, Charlie, on the British English Podcast.