Transcript of Bitesize Ep 71- Transcript

Charlie:
Hello everyone. It's an absolute honour to have you with me today. Thank you so much for choosing to listen to this episode. Your efforts in deciding to download this one have by no means gone unnoticed, and the reason I am speaking in this over the top manner is because I wanted to share a very personal, maybe the most personal speech I have ever and touch wood will ever make. You see, I got married in August 2023 to my darling wife Stacey, and in British weddings it is customary for the groom to do a speech. And considering how wedding culture varies so drastically around the world, I thought you might like to hear what a groom's speech can sound like. Um. Now, typically the job of the groom is to do the pleasantries. Again typically we have the father of the bride doing a speech. Then we have the groom, which is the husband, and then we have the best man, or in my case, best men. Because I couldn't choose, I had to have two. So the best men typically spend the time focusing on the groom, the husband, and normally try to bring some humour to the speech at the cost of the groom, basically embarrassing them for all of the sins that they have committed up until this point. It can get a bit awkward, but we'll talk about that perhaps in another episode. In today's episode, we're focusing on my speech, which was the groom's speech. If they allow it, I will hopefully air all three speeches. But yeah, the groom's job is to do the pleasantries, as in, thank the guests for coming. Uh, thank the venue for hosting such a beautiful day. Um, thank the in-laws for letting, um the groom buy the the daughter.

Charlie:
Joking. No, um, men don't have to pay anything nowadays. Wives are free! In both senses of the word. No, it's, um. It's to thank the in-laws for accepting them into the daughter's family. And then they turn to their new bride and tell them why they love them so much. And while I did cover these points, I tried to do it in a way that would keep people from nodding off. Uh, friends came up to me afterwards and said it was really good, but that's obligatory, isn't it? It was my wedding day, for goodness sake. Imagine if they came up to me and said, ah, that was a bit weak. That was a bit weak. I look forward to your next one. Um, so I'll let you be the judge of my speech on my wedding day. But yeah, as always, enjoy some British English whilst being exposed to some British culture. Oh, and if you did want to watch the beautifully shot video of this in full HD, then I will be uploading that video file of this speech into the academy. I'll start it with the MC introducing me. The MC, the Master of Ceremonies is the person that introduces different people throughout the day, letting the guests know what is about to occur. So the MC was one of my closest friends. His name is Al. He's been on the show before. He talked about his band Fika. But yes, enjoy. Hopefully. I do get a bit emo. So um, sorry about that, but what are you going to do? It was my wedding day. Come on. Alright. Pressing play.

Al:
Now for the man of the moment. For the best looking English teacher in the game. For the man who scored an own goal in the first five minutes of his trial for the school football team. Make some noise for Mr. Charlie Baxter.

Charlie:
Thank you, Al. And thank you, Paul, for making us laugh and cry there. That was amazing. Surprising, actually. Um. Hello, everybody. Um, what an absolute pleasure to see so many of my favourite faces here today. I, uh, I wondered how to tackle this speech. Um, I could obviously gush about Stacy for ten minutes.

Guests:
Steady! Is that all?

Charlie:
But I doubt you want to see me ugly cry that long, so I'd like to start at least by taking you down memory lane from my perspective, thanking you for helping get us to this point in our relationship. The first step, first stop sorry, is my parents, Nigel and Elizabeth. Sorry, Stacey, but Mummy and Daddy! 33, and I still have to call them that. Um, thank you for raising me in an incredibly secure and loving environment that gave me the start in life that any child would be lucky to have. Nigel. Daddy. Um. You taught me how to be a consistent and loyal person, always taking me to every sporting event I showed an interest in, and constantly forking out on the equipment that you know, that you no doubt knew I'd grow out of soon enough. Elizabeth. Mummy, uh. You are the kindest and most selfless person I've ever met. With an abundance of patience and love who hands out empathy like no one else, especially to your three children. Talking of which, I'd like to thank Laura and Holly for going above and beyond the job they had as sisters in teaching their brother how to talk to girls by teaching him how to actually be one. Um. This started when they encouraged me to try on their skirts at a young age, and quickly escalated to entering me into a lip syncing competition in front of my entire school, pretending to be Shania Twain one year and Geri Halliwell the next.

Charlie:
It...It feels a bit like you wanted me to struggle to make friends at school. Um, luckily I did make some whom I'm incredibly happy to see join us today, and I'm glad you guys told me that cross-dressing isn't always the norm. Or wasn't 20 years ago when we were at school. Um, and for introducing me to all sorts of interests that my siblings felt unnecessary to educate me on. After leaving school, I went north to meet some amazing people at university. Um, in Nottingham Trent. Um, you exposed me to a world outside of Surrey's four walls, and after three years of it, you definitely helped me realise being an alcoholic wasn't something I wanted to continue with after graduating. Um, despite enjoying the bonds it created when, for example, you'd wake up next to a friend in a graveyard at six in the morning who's sound asleep in a pool of his own mess. I won't, I won't call that person out. That would. That would be crass. So for a completely unrelated reason, a massive thanks to Lars for flying over from Denmark. Astrid, you've clearly made a wonderful family man out of him, with three little humans to guide through life now. Lars, you say being a father is magical. And I really do hear you. Um. My only concern is that I'm not as good as you at sleeping with vomit on my clothes and face. Um, but to my best men.

Charlie:
Matt, I'll start with you. Um, while there are many parts to our friendship I could mention, I'd like to focus on how you're clearly the most linked to the injuries I've had over my years. It all started when I fractured my ankle in our first year of uni. Uh, when I was on lesson one of how to do parkour with Matthew Calver. He took me to the rooftop of an abandoned school and said, I'll teach you everything you need to know about free running. Just follow me. He then immediately made me attempt to precision jump over a chimney, which ended with me rolling around, crying out in pain, saying, my feet, my feet, I think I'm going to die. So we've had a few trips to A&E together, but you've always helped me challenge myself and continue to grow beyond what I thought I was capable of. So thank you Matt, for helping me realise I'm not made of glass, but am made of bones that do break.

Charlie:
To my other best man, Harry. You're... you're my go to agony aunt whenever Stacey and I bicker about something silly whose laugh is more infectious than a pandemic that we've already heard today. You also dared to start a project with me in which we turned making a prat out of ourselves on YouTube into a business. So thank you for helping me find a confidence on camera I definitely didn't know I had before.

Charlie:
Now onto the Cupid of this tale, Amy Davis. Amy was pretty much my flatmate throughout the whole of our time in Nottingham. Probably one too many years in her opinion, but she still found it in her heart to do me a favour in our third year, and she helped convince Stacey to go on a date with me. I think Amy did say it would be a double date with herself and her partner at the time, so no pressure, but last minute Amy pulls out due to some coursework deadline. So I go into reactive mode and rationally come to the conclusion that I need to pull another male friend into the mix for this first date to not seem weird. So three guys and one girl go on our first date. So the bingo. Annoyingly, my friends outshone me that night, so I thought I'd blown it, but, um. But thankfully, Stacey was up for going out out with my group of friends the following week, and this time remembering the wisdom my sisters imparted on me on how to be a woman. I mean, talk to a woman. I, um, I took a different approach and to my delight, she seemed much more interested in me.

Charlie:
It may have been. It may have been the teapot of tequila I'd seen her neck that night. But I think you'll all agree that alcohol rarely has an impact on these moments. So I thank our Cupid for introducing us. Amy, I am forever in your debt. In fact, I would love it if we could make a toast to Amy, considering how she really was the start of such an incredible relationship for me. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. And I think it would only be right for myself and Stacey to salute our Cupid with a shot of the stuff that helped you find me so irresistible that night. And that is why there is a little teapot in front of you full of tequila.

Charlie:
Do you fancy it!

Charlie:
So while we have tequila, please charge your glasses with a much more palatable prosecco.

Guests:
Come on.

Charlie:
Please raise your glasses to the toast. To toast the Cupid of this marriage. To Amy!

Stacey:
That's a really big shot.

Guests:
Come on guys!

Charlie:
Agh! Oh that's terrible. Um, further down the line there came a point where we meet, we met each other's parents, which is when we got to experience the reality of what scene, oh that's really, oh, catches up with you. Um. Of what? Um, the reality of what scenes from the films called Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers feel like. Sue had kindly lent us her car to be able to join on their holiday in Saint David's. En route, we pulled in for some fuel. Wanting to be helpful, I eagerly filled the car up, but ten minutes later, the engine started making some weird noises. We ignorantly forced the car to continue onwards and after arriving, we all mused about why Sue's car was pleading us to stop until Paul says 'Oh you didn't put petrol in the diesel engine, did you?' And that was the first moment I had a heart attack.

Charlie:
I've, I've never wanted to melt on the spot. Let him out. I've never wanted to melt on the spot more than that moment. And yet only the Bensons could manage to deal with the situation with such poise, to not only get on with the holiday, but also try to get to know me. On the other hand, the guy that's heckling over there, Hugo, Stacey's brother, would burst into fits of laughter whenever things were going well and we'd forgotten about it. He'd say, I can't believe you you nearly wrote my mum's car off!! Cheers, Hugo.

Hugo:
I still remember it now. Tell my kids about it.

Charlie:
To Paul. I find you, seriously now, I find you to be a true inspiration as a father who, along with Sue, have managed to instil a set of values into your children that I absolutely love. Sue, they say you should glimpse the future by looking at your partner's mother. Witnessing your grace through life's battles, including beating cancer and seeing how wonderful you look today. I won't sing it, but I really can see why a song was made about Stacey's mum.

Guests:
*Cheers*

Charlie:
Before I let Sue and Paul out of the limelight, I'd like to toast to them for working relentlessly on this stunning location we're all enjoying today. As we've heard, Sue grew all of the wedding flowers in their back garden, and Paul bossed countless people around in these grounds to get exactly what we all wanted. So, ladies and gentlemen, if you would be so kind to raise your glasses to these incredibly green fingered pair. To Sue and Paul. Can I now say that? My mummy and daddy?

Harry:
Cheers.

Stacey:
Cheers.

Charlie:
So far too quickly after meeting each other's parents, Stacey headed on to America, which brought a pause to our relationship. But it gave us both the ability to realise that our feelings we had for each other were, in fact, the real deal. So I'd like to thank those we spent time with in America for not talking Stacey out of making such a bold and romantic gesture, which was to take a last minute flight to Boston for just three hours so that she could tell me that she loves me still.

Charlie:
Stacey, I will always appreciate that day. It was the turning point in our relationship that helped us never look back. And as I mentioned in our vows, I also love the dedication in you to make us feel like we're living a Hollywood movie. After enjoying a memorable time in Ohio together, we moved on to Nürnberg, Deutschland for several years and then the same again in Sydney, Australia and met some delightful humans that as a couple, we've made lifelong memories with. And while I'm working on converting my guilt into into gratitude for those who travelled here today, please know it means the absolute world to both of us that you are here. Now to the loyal league of bridesmaids. You are an unwavering force that amazes me in more ways than one. Not only do you shower each other with birthday gifts every year, but have also managed to keep Stacey feel connected to the UK whilst being outside of it for so long.

Guests:
Here here.

Charlie:
Particularly through your WhatsApp voice messages that often go on even longer than this speech. But seriously, you are all beautiful humans on any day, but thank you very much for making the photographer's job even easier today.

Charlie:
And finally, we have Stacey. My wife!

Charlie:
Oh I'm ugly crying already!

Charlie:
Um, even after spending a decade together, I'm still amazed that the girl I once begged Amy to introduce me to has just married me. Being in love with you is the best part of my life. Before, happiness felt like an unsolvable puzzle. But being with you, it's as simple as a nine piece children's jigsaw. While you do make the day to day side of my life ten times more delightful, I promise you my feelings go beyond cupboard love. I know this to be true as all it takes for me to reset when life gets a bit hectic is to look into your eyes and appreciate how beautiful you are. It amazes me how ten years on, still works just the same. Beyond your beautiful face, you're an exceptional and gifted individual, turning everything you touch into something remarkable. Truly the golden child, as your brothers openly admit.

Guests:
Hey!

Charlie:
To be fair though, you are the world's most challenging beer pong partner. But we can't all be perfect. I'm pretty sure you, everyone here knows how impressive your career has been so far, so I won't embarrass you by reeling off your CV.

Charlie:
But now, as you're building your own business, I'm witnessing you face your own fears of the unknown. There have been some struggles already, but like always, you've grown stronger in adversity and faced them head on. And I'm so impressed to see how you not only rise to the challenge, but still manage to harvest your creativity like a superpower and have already brought your clients to tears when delivering your designs. They're happy, happy tears.

Charlie:
It baffles me in being possible, but my appreciation for you continues to deepen the further we venture down this path together. Stacey, I love you more than I can describe, and the idea of growing old with you makes my life feel complete. So, ladies and gentlemen, if you would be so kind to raise your glasses high in the air for my absolutely gorgeous wife. To Stacey.

Guests:
Stacey! Hey! Woo!

Charlie:
There we have it. A groom's speech from a British wedding. I hope that wasn't too much information for you, but you actually enjoyed getting to hear more about, uh, the most meaningful relationship I have in my life. Don't worry. I won't break down in tears again. Um. Tell a lie. No. Alright. That's enough of that.

Charlie:
Well done for listening to the end of this episode. See you next week. I've been your host, Charlie Baxter, on the British English Podcast. Over and out.