Transcript of Bitesize Ep 70 - Transcript

Charlie:
Well, hello. Welcome to the British English Podcast with me, your host Charlie Baxter. In today's bitesize episode, I wanted to go through an Instagram account that I've been following and share why I find it amusing. They post about pop culture within the UK. Not only are their memes pretty funny and on point, but their followers are very active and I believe most of them are locals because the comments that they make are incredibly valuable for us here.

Charlie:
So I'm going to read a few of them out for you. So one of the latest ones was: what's one of the many things British people say when they're walking and a car goes by far too fast? This actually happened to me yesterday and I realised I'm an old man because I said exactly what one of the comments says, which is: well, he wasn't doing 20 miles an hour, was he? Which I'd say is your bog standard attempt at complaining about speeds in the way that we go about it. Um, let's look at some other responses. One guy says: if it's a vehicle with lights and sirens on, my mother always used to say 'He'll not sell much ice cream going that fast!' Very good. I think that might have been, um, something that Eric Morecambe said. Yes, it says in the replies to that. So Eric Morecambe was one half of the famous British comedy duo Morecambe and Wise, and this was active on television, primarily from, I'd say, the 50s, 1950s until, well, he died in the mid 80s, so between the 50s and mid 80s, and the duo consisted of Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise.

Charlie:
So my dad used to talk about them all the time. But yeah, Eric Morecambe might have coined that phrase. He'll not sell much ice cream going that fast. Another one. Someone's in a hurry. Another one is fucking hell. People do say this. Um, he's in a hurry to disappoint his wife. Assuming it's a male speeding. Naughty. Women are just as naughty. Are they? I don't know, probably not. Men are more likely to speed, I think statistically. Um, another one was alright Speedy Gonzalez, which she said Gonzalez. But there is an n in there. She did a typo and it's it's social media. That's fine. But, uh, yeah, Speedy Gonzalez is an animated cartoon character, I think, in the Looney Tunes. I don't know if you need to know much about that, but we do say this. We do reference it. If anyone's being really quick about something, we would say Speedy Gonzalez. Alright. Who do you think you are, Speedy Gonzalez? I'm not saying this is comedy gold by any means. I'm just, you know, highlighting what Brits might say in some situations that would baffle you without that explanation. So. Yes. What's Speedy Gonzalez, what are you talking about? Um, another one says: my dad used to say, 'Oh, an organ donor.' Uh, next one says someone needs a poo. Alright, I'm bored of that one. Let's go to another one.

Charlie:
Hahaha. This is good. So if someone says 'I've heard so much about you' you have to reply 'Ooh! All good I hope!' That's true. It's true. We do always say that. So if you're introducing someone to somebody else like, you know, there's four people and two people know each other, and then you say, oh, um, Eric, this is my, I don't know why Eric. Oh, Eric Morecambe. Oh, Eric, you've been dead quite a while, but this is my wife. Um, Stacy. Stacy. Meet Eric. And then, um, Stacy might say, 'oh, Eric, I've heard so much about you' because I've talked about Eric at home, talking about all of his comedy success and that he's been dead for 45 years. And then he will have to say 'ah all good, I hope' assuming that we've been slagging him off behind his back non-stop. And that's the whole play on it, obviously. But we, we are assuming that it is all good, I think. Um.

Charlie:
The next post, another post was, um, you'll never hear a less enthusiastic sound than a British crowd being asked 'is everyone having fun?' It's true. I think I mentioned it on the show before. I was in Glastonbury this year, and an American artist was trying to get the crowd to participate way too much.

Charlie:
She was saying, you know, believe in yourself and say, I am the goddess of your life or whatever. But everyone was just like, oh God, no, we will not say that. Whereas in America I think they would humour the artist and go along with it. And then I went to a networking event and there was an American and a British host, and the Brit was very happy with just a monologue. And the American really wanted to get us all participating. So getting our hands up, clapping, whooping and we were all just not having it. So if you are thinking of doing a presentation to British people, don't expect us to do too much. Win us over with your wit, with your, um, self-deprecation. And you can be emotional in your in your speech, but don't try to get us to do it because we feel very uncomfortable if we're being asked to do something. It feels forced and we feel like we're being treated like our cousins across the pond. And I think most of us are quite proud of not being what we class as cheesy or cliche or cringey, and anything that is encouraging that kind of group participation in a crowd goes towards that feeling. So we run a mile. Having said that, the pantomimes, the episode that I released around Christmas period, um pantomimes are one of the places where we feel free to participate.

Charlie:
That, and I also thought after recording that and when we go to the football and we chant like crazy people. Next one says, I'm at my most tired at 9:30 p.m. on the sofa and my most awake at 10 p.m. in bed. I totally agree with this. I don't know if this is a British thing. It's probably a human thing, but I fall asleep in front of the TV, wake up groggy, annoyed, and then have to do my teeth, which wakes me up. And then I put my phone on charge and go into bed and then I'm wide awake. It's crazy. That's that's nice to see this, because my partner, she can just nod off straight away and she doesn't fall asleep at the sofa. So I thought I was the odd one, but I'm, I'm. I feel heard now.

Charlie:
Um, so I'm looking at this in January and there's a post saying 'how's January going?' Well, it's been going a week. Yet it seems to be a month until payday, all my resolutions have already failed and the country appears to be underwater. But apart from that, it's fine. And that's a good summary of our mood. I've released an episode before about the January blues, and yeah, this is a good reminder of how the nation feels during the month of January.

Charlie:
And I'd say February. The magic of Christmas is over, and we're now deep into our depression. Um, they've posted a calendar that they've created called Very British Problems and January. There's a quote saying, 'do you wanna jump on a zoom call quickly' and the response is, 'no, I'd hate that.' Yeah. That's good. I'm sure that's how everyone feels when they're asked to jump on a zoom call. I like this. Uh, going back to work after a break involves a few days of waiting to get back into the swing of things. Then eventually, you remember you were never in the swing of things even before the break. There is no swing of things. The things remain unswinged and there and then a reply said 'unswinged or unswung?' Important question. And very British problems have responded saying unswung if wanting to be technically correct, but unswinged if wanting to sound funny. True, it's more entertaining, but grammatically speaking they're wrong. Hahaha. Uh, just read the next one. Uh, 'could you do me a favour and put all of that in an email?' And the translation is 'I haven't been listening and I want to escape.' It's good. It's good stuff. I mean, it's not groundbreaking, but it's good. It's it's just nice. Just nice. And we've got, um, ten British responses to how was your Christmas? I've just read through them, and I got really angry and I went into a fit of rage, but I swore too much.

Charlie:
So, um, I'm going to do it again and just, you know, give them to you without my opinion and then just tell you how I feel at the end. Okay, so here are the ten British responses to how was your Christmas? Yeah, not too bad thanks. Quite quiet really. Yeah it was nice to have a break. Seemed to go so quickly. Uh, just saw the family. Whoa. That one really got me last time. Just saw the family. Yeah. You did? Of course you did. That's the whole point of Christmas. Just saw the family. Really? Really. Oh, my God. Um, number six. Uh, you know, the usual. Number seven. Lots of eating and drinking. Eight. Didn't really do much. Nine. No major disasters. And ten. Seems like years ago now. I think number nine and ten are the only acceptable ones, in my opinion. The others are so diabolically unimaginative, it makes me want to squeeze the head of the person that said it. Do better than that. Come on. Our whole nation prides ourselves on doing small talk. Do it better than that, please. I know it's inevitable that we're going to have repetitive Christmas chitter chatter, but we revolve the whole of a season based on the hope of this one event. So come on, give me something better than 'saw the family.' Course you saw the family! I got annoyed again.

Charlie:
I got annoyed again. Am I going to record this again? I don't think so. You're just going to have to embrace the rage. Um, yeah. Sorry about that. Alright, I'm going to move on because, um, I'm annoyed. I've scrolled further down, uh, to get out of Christmas chat to vary this monologue of very British problems Instagram account. They said: Yesterday, eat 50,000 calories. Today, brisk walk. That'll sort it. I don't like that one. It annoys me. I don't know, I think I'm still annoyed about the Christmas one, but, um, I think what I'm getting annoyed at is the typical attempt at humour. So we pride ourselves on humour, right? And there's a lot of coined phrases in British English that people latch on to, um, thinking that they're really funny, but because they've been overused, I think people hate them and I'm one of them. So, um, 'that will sort it' is a phrase that people use a lot, and yeah, I don't like it. That'll sort it. I guess it's all about the delivery. Like, um, if I'm with my friend and they've just drunk eight pints of Guinness and then they have a strawberry, and then they just off the cuff very casually say, oh, that'll sort it. I'd find that funny. I would find that funny. So, um, maybe it's just me just, uh, reading some text. Because in newspapers, a lot of the newspapers, the, um, sort of crappy ones, um, like The Sun, they're all searching for a pun around the main event of the day and when whenever you read it, you tend to think, oh, God, that was awful.

Charlie:
And I think a pun is only funny when you know that it didn't take a whole team of people hours to come up with it and print it. So in the moment, a pun can be really funny if it's quick. Um, but yeah, in print, I think there's something about it that takes the spontaneity away from it. Um, I guess I haven't gotten out of the Christmas period, so they've they're a very active account. Um, because I scrolled quite far and they're still doing Christmas stuff, so 'merry new socks day, everyone,' because everyone gets a pair of socks on Christmas Day. I didn't get socks this year, so I am an anomaly. But typically speaking, people gift socks at Christmas. Normally I quite like that. I hated it as a teenager, but I bloody love it now.

Charlie:
Um, 'shout out to everyone having a roast dinner today simply because it's Sunday, despite tomorrow being the biggest roast dinner of the year.' So Christmas was on Monday for us. I know Europeans celebrate Christmas Eve more than Christmas Day, so your celebration would have landed on Sunday, but we had it on Monday. Therefore, those that are very accustomed to having a Sunday roast will have had roasts back to back, which we can only, you know, either get very upset with them, um, adding problems to the over consumption of meat or just give them a standing ovation.

Charlie:
And I think we should give them a standing ovation. So I'm going to stand up and ovate. I was joking with ovate. You can't make it a verb. Um. I guess you give. Yes. You give a standing ovation. So to give or to, you could receive as well. To receive a standing ovation. An ovation. It's just a form of applause where an audience claps enthusiastically to show their approval or enjoyment of something. Normally not just two roasts back to back. Normally you know a performance at a live event.

Charlie:
Alright. I'm going to scroll really far back so we get out of Christmas land. Bloody hell. I've just scrolled for about a mile in scrolling length. Is that a thing? And it's still December. Aha. Okay, I found another one that's not Christmas related. It's just, uh, translating a normal phrase that you'd say. I'm sure it'll turn up. So if somebody's looking for something, another person will be helping them, and then eventually they'll say, oh, I'm sure it will turn up. And that is a great translation. It says, I'm bored of helping you look. It's great. I'm sure it will turn up. I'm really bored of this.

Charlie:
Yeah. Perfect. Perfect. That is what I'm looking for. That's what I want to share with you. Those kind of translations of what you're really trying to say. Because Brits don't say what they're really thinking. Okay, we'll end on this one. It's about birthdays. It says 'there's nothing more embarrassing than it being your birthday. Unwrapping presents while people look at you. Opening cards while people look at you. Looking awkwardly at a cake, while people look and sing at you. People asking if you're having a nice day or doing anything nice or going anywhere nice. So much nice on a birthday. Oh, it's all just so uncomfortable.' Very nicely said. Very British Problems and we will leave it there. So I think this started as a Twitter account and uh, it's yeah, it's also on Instagram. So I encourage you to check it out. Very British Problems Official. And it's got a logo of an umbrella. But yeah, I just wanted to do a little casual one with you today and introduce you to a way to tap into pop culture on social media that will be filling up your news feed. Probably too often in my opinion. But you know, you might like that amount considering you're absorbing the culture. So there you go. Well done for listening to the end of this episode. My name is Charlie. I'll see you next week on the British English Podcast. Bye bye!