Transcript of Bitesize Ep 69 - Transcript

Charlie:
Hello everyone. Welcome back to our beloved Bite Size episodes. I hope you are as excited as I am, because today we're diving deeper into the world of Fonejacker. That's right, exploring some lesser-known but equally hilarious characters. I don't know if you remember Bite Size episode 59 and Bite Size episode 61. They were talking about Fonejacker, and I attempted to re-enact some of the characters to help you better understand some comical references that British people use now and again. And I've got three more for you today. I'm going to be honest, I think these characters were developed after Fonejacker became really, really famous, and so I don't notice them in the references that the average person would use between one another. So I don't know if these are going to be culturally that relevant for you, but I did them a while back and I liked them and I listened back to them and I think they're worth sharing with you if you haven't heard those two, and you just want to carry on listening to this episode, then just know that Fonejacker was a British comedy series created by Kayvan Novak, and he went on to create another one called Facejacker. But Fonejacker features prank calls to unsuspecting members of the public, with Novak voicing various characters and scenarios. He does it brilliantly and with animated graphics or undercover filming to add a visual element.

Charlie:
And then after Fonejacker really took off he was then encouraged to do another show called Face Jacker, which is much more visual. So Novak takes these characters into the real world, using prosthetics and disguises to interact with people face to face, not just on the phone. Both series are known for their absurd humour and unique style of comedy. So really, do not take anything you hear today seriously. The humour he brings to the show is based on absurdity. Um, for example, Terry Tibbs, um, Mr. Doovde and, uh, Brian Badondy. Oh, that character really tickles me. So here is part three. The last partc don't worry, I won't be doing more and more and more fonejacker, I might though. No, I won't, I won't. Um, this is the last episode of the trilogy, let's call it. Um. So I've got three more characters for you today. The first one is an Australian character. Okay, this is a cultural thing. So, um, this is a stereotype on Australian people that Brits have. So think of like a laid-back, blasé guy who's always up for a laugh, never taking anything too seriously. And I think he also likes to steer the conversation towards his favourite topic, which is sex. Yes, his name is Jimmy John. And uh, those are a few things that Brits associate with Australians. So here's my attempt at impersonating this Australian character that Fonejacker developed.

Estate Agent Claire:
Good afternoon.

Jimmy:
Good day.

Jimmy:
Uh, who do I talk to regarding jobs?

Estate Agent Claire:
Regarding jobs? Our head office.

Jimmy:
Head office?

Estate Agent Claire:
Yes. Shall give you the phone number?

Jimmy:
Do you know if they're wanting anyone right now?

Estate Agent Claire:
I don't know, head office would be able to tell you.

Jimmy:
All right. Yeah. Are you an estate agent?

Estate Agent Claire:
I'm an estate agent.

Jimmy:
All right. Yeah. Nice. Is it nice? Do you like your job there? How long have you been there for?

Estate Agent Claire:
I've done my job for ages. Yeah. Yeah, I like the job.

Jimmy:
Yeah, yeah, it's nice bunch?

Estate Agent Claire:
Yeah.

Jimmy:
Have you got any Aussies working there?

Estate Agent Claire:
I don't think so. I'm not sure.

Jimmy:
All right.

Estate Agent Claire:
Have a word with head office.

Jimmy:
Well, I've just come over there. That's the thing, you know? And I was just thinking, you know, to have a bit of a career change, you know, because I was doing mainly action sports. Right? And, uh, I had a bit of an accident. Fell off the side of a mountain and broke my back in three places. So I've kind of been bedridden, you know? So I thought, well, I'll just get on a plane to see what's what and where's where. And I thought estate agency sounded all right. [Right] You know, it's kind of cool. You get to meet new people, right? [That's right] Yeah. Have a laugh in the office and, you know, just, like, have a laugh, you know? I mean, I love having a laugh about things, you know? Everything's so serious now, don't you think?

Estate Agent Claire:
Yeah.

Jimmy:
So serious with everything. So I'll give head office a call. Right. And then maybe we might be working together. [Okay] My name's Jimmy John. What's your name? [Claire] Claire, put an E there, and, uh, cover me with chocolate and fill me with cream. You know what I mean? Like an e, eclaire. Ha ha!

Charlie:
Oh, dear. Claire didn't appreciate that, did she? She didn't want to fill him with cream. And I can't blame her. I can't blame her. Not to say that Aussies are unattractive. A lot of them are beautiful. They've got the sun-kissed skin. I mean, typically, I think people would assume a male Aussie to have blonde, slightly long hair, shoulder length shoulder length hair with a surfboard, maybe on his bike, and he's cycling towards Bondi Beach and he's ripped and tanned. So that was that was the Aussie character. I don't know if you found that funny or not, but there we go. One down, two to go. The next one is actually Mr. Doovde, again. If you don't remember Mr. Dovede, he's the guy that phones up lots of tech shops and asks them to support him in acquiring such things as a DVD player, but calls it a Doovde or he has a VHS player which is a vuhus. So he does that kind of joke a lot, but he also rings up and asks the most ridiculous kind of questions, outside of his inability to understand whether it should be an initialism or an acronym. And here is a good example for you. Enjoy.

Receptionist:
How may I assist you?

Mr Doovde:
Hello.

Receptionist:
Oh. Hi, sir. Help me. Help you today?

Mr Doovde:
Uh, yes. I was, uh, just staying in one of the hotels. And, uh, I went to the gym area for my morning workout. [Oh. uhuh?] and when I was there, uh, there was, uh, very nice music playing on the, uh, on the the on the speakers. [Okay] And, um, uh, I like this music very much, but unfortunately, I do not know the name of it.

Receptionist:
Oh, you want to know the title of the music? Yes?

Mr Doovde:
Yes.

Receptionist:
Okay, well, I can speak to the gym, um, facilitator so they can track, you know, what are the music that they are playing.

Mr Doovde:
Well, because it was a very specific track. Perhaps I can sing to you and, uh, you can tell me which tune it was.

Receptionist:
Awesome. Yeah, I, I speak to them first, so they can..

Mr Doovde:
It goes, um, [they can let you know..] *attempts to sing song*. Ring any bells?

Receptionist:
I'm not familiar, but you sing it well. But I'll call through to the gym facilitator so they can let you know the title.

Mr Doovde:
You don't know the name of the tune?

Receptionist:
Yeah, I'm not really familiar.

Mr Doovde:
Maybe I sing a bit more to you.

Receptionist:
But the one that was playing earlier. Um, I'm not really familiar, but I will call the gym now so they can check the the title of the music.

Mr Doovde:
That would be fantastic. Thank you so much.

Receptionist:
Awesome.

The Scouser:
A podcast full of all-new prank phone calls, like. From that bloke in the woolly hat? Amazing. I thought he was dead, like!

Charlie:
Lovely stuff. I wonder if you know what song that was. I've been trying to search around and couldn't find it. Actually, I think one of my friends recognised it when I played it to him once, but I can't remember. Can't remember. Sorry if that annoys you. Um, if you do know, maybe write in do. Yeah. Do that. Do it on my Instagram. That'd be best. The British English podcast. Um, so that was Mr. Doovde, asking a poor girl who was working at a hotel to find out what song it was that he liked so much that was playing in the gym. Um, now, looking at the last character that I'm going to showcase on this show, probably. Yes, definitely. Maybe. Um, this is Jaffool, also referred to as the beatboxer. Beatboxing is when people make sounds with their mouth to make it sound like they're, you know, like a drummer or like they've got a whole band in their mouth. Yeah, that's that's probably how the dictionary would put it. Um, I don't know if he represents any demographic. Maybe. Maybe I'll let you be the judge of that. Just remember, obviously these are all exaggerated characters, um, often portraying figures that are larger than life and not not always meant to, um, directly represent any particular group. But I guess they come from something because otherwise we we don't really understand the absurdity of it. But yeah, I've said enough. Take it away, Jeffool.

Switchboard:
Good morning. How can I help?

Jaffool:
Oh, hello. Uh, this is a record company, init? [Yes] Yeah, yeah. Wicked. Now, listen, the thing is yeah, I am gonna be, well, let me let me start again. I think I am what you guys Are looking for in it.

Switchboard:
Okay, so you'd have to send in a demo.

Jaffool:
Yeah. A demo. Yeah, yeah. Wicked. Wicked. Yeah. Let me get that demo straight over in it.

Switchboard:
Okay. You'd have to put it on a CD or a USB stick.

Jaffool:
A CD.

Switchboard:
Or a USB stick. Yeah. And post it in.

Jaffool:
Right. Um, let me talk to my cousin. Yeah, he works at PC world. He'll sort me out and that. No problem. Yeah. And can I just ask, are you actually the person that, uh, do you do the choosing in it?

Switchboard:
You're through to switchboard. So once you've sent it in, it gets forwarded on to the department. And if they're interested, they get back to you. It can take up to four months.

Jaffool:
Ah, wicked. Wicked. So. Yeah. Yeah. So I send it to you, you have a listen, and then you send it up to the relevant person, in it. Wicked.

Switchboard:
No, you're through to switchboard, so it wouldn't be myself.

Jaffool:
Oh, right. So what happens at the switchboard?

Mr Doovde:
Sorry. Did you want me to give you any other information?

Jaffool:
Well, yeah. No, uh, what I was thinking was actually, I could do that. Yeah, but four four months sounds like a bit of a long time, so maybe I just flip some lyrics for you now.

Switchboard:
We cannot help you other than what we've told you to do. You have to send in the CD.

Jaffool:
But, I mean. You like music. Init?

Switchboard:
No I don't you.

Jaffool:
You don't like music? [No] Oh, well let me. Once you hear this, you're gonna.. you're gonna change your mind.

Switchboard:
You cannot sing down the phone.

Jaffool:
My name Mo slim, I don't eat pork and I go to the gym. If you follow me on Twitter IG. You'll know I've got a long beard and I'm five foot three. Hello? Shit!

Brian Badondy:
Oh, it's the all new Fonejacker Podcast! Hooray!

Charlie:
And there you have it. Three more gems right from the Fonejacker treasure chest. Um, it's still fascinating for me to see how these characters, though less referenced day to day, add such, um, flavour to the show. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to check out Fonejacker itself. You can find a lot of the clips on YouTube and it's not spelled pH phone, it's f o n e jacker, Foneacker or give Facejacker a go as well. Again, I think that will also be on YouTube. But also, you know, if you just want a couple more episodes of me trying to re-enact what Kayvan Novak can do much better, then check out Bite Size episode 59 and 61. Yes, until next time, this is Charlie signing off from the British English podcast. Cheerio!