Transcript of Bitesize Ep 66 - Transcript
Charlie:
Hello and welcome back to the show called the British English Podcast hosted by me and my name is Charlie. And yesterday I went on a dog walk because I have a dog now. I inherited it from my late grandparents and yes, I believe it is now... I mean, when is a dog ever anyone's? Is it in my possession? It's a she. The dog is a she. We normally say 'it' until we know the dog or animal in question in English. Yeah. So we don't give it a gender unless we've introduced somebody to it already. Um, but yeah, so I've got a dog and I went on a dog walk and I want to tell you about it because it wasn't just your average dog walk. And I've told a couple of people about it and have come to realise it's a good example of everyday storytelling. It's not something that would keep your listener entertained for the length of a feature long film, but when catching up over a pint, a coffee or a cup of tea, we don't want that. We just want short little bursts of essentially storytelling. Um often that includes setting the scene, explaining some sort of conflict and then ending with a solution. So um if you're ready, I'd like to talk to you as if you're my dog as every outing begins with me saying 'You want to go walkies?! Walkies?!' That was mean actually, because she's right next to me right now. And I think she thought I meant right now. I should explain to her.
Charlie:
No I'm just I'm just doing a recording of a podcast retelling what happened on our last walk. Sorry, Poppy. What good has that done? I mean, of course she doesn't understand what I'm talking about. Um, imagine, though. Imagine if she did. Imagine if she turned around to me and said, 'Yeah, I get it. You're capturing the sound waves you're making using a microphone that converts them into electrical signals, and then that's processed, digitised and sent as data packets over the internet through a complex network of servers and routers to reach the listener's device, which converts these signals back into sound through speakers or headphones, allowing the listener to hear the original audio. And a number of those listeners really value the sound waves you make to the point where they subscribe to a premium service giving you digital currency to then go out and buy me my favourite dog food and treats. Yes, Charlie, I get it. It's not rocket science.' Goodness me, I'd be gobsmacked, but yeah, I'd have to say yeah. Good girl. Spot on. But yeah, I think she's happy to sleep a bit more until I've finished recording these sound waves in exchange for dog treat funds. And then I'll take her on a real walk. Sound good, Poppy? Yeah, I think she's happy. I don't know if I'm doing a podcast or if I'm just talking to my dog right now. I think she's looking at me as if I've gone insane. I think I have. Okay. No. Story time. Here we go.
Charlie:
So the other day, Stacey and I went for a dog walk and the conversation was flowing! A rarity now that we both work from home every day and have been together since 2012. So as we approached a fork in the road, I suggested we take our usual loop but deviate halfway through. We could cross the road and try to find that path we'd often seen people walking on but never tried ourselves. She hesitated, but agreed. We followed the plan and discovered that the farm was larger than we had anticipated. And then Stacey announced that she was starting to get some blisters as she had opted for a different pair of trainers for this walk. Consulting Google Maps, we decided it would still be quicker to continue forward rather than retrace our steps. However, as we carried on, we realised we had passed the suggested route. Doubling back, we found the quote unquote lane that Google was recommending was an overgrown path through a cow field bordered by barbed wire up to head height. I then checked the time and realised that I would actually be late for my next academy class if we turned back. Stacey also muttered about her blisters and shot me a look that said I told you so. We shouldn't have gone this way. And at this point I pretended to rip open my white button down shirt revealing an imaginary S on my chest.
Charlie:
I was Superman. Of course, I hadn't actually packed my Superman cape, so I couldn't fly. But I came up with a plan. I'd hop the fence, walk across the field, grab the car and meet Stacey on a nearby road. I scrambled up the first fence, hopped over the barbed wire and splat. My very white trainers had just landed deep within a muddy substance that looked rather like horse manure. Ugh. I looked up and far across the other side of the field were a herd of horses, which was fine, you know. After all, I am Superman. But also they were really far away. So I started walking at a meaningful but casual pace whilst trying to scrape the remains of horse poop off my shoes. And then again, all very casually, I glanced over at the herd of animals that probably each weigh around a tonne, and I was unhappy to see that they had definitely picked up some speed and were heading my way. Their walks had turned into trots. I looked back at the distance I had to cover still and desperately tried to calculate how far this capeless Superman could casually walk before this herd stampede and bite. I wondered, could they bite me to death or would they just want to say hello? I looked back and the trot had been upgraded to a full on canter and thought, You don't canter for a hello. You walk. At most, trot for a hello, but you canter when you want to bite and stomp something. So yeah. I started to panic visibly and broke into a hip swivelling straight legged walk that I hoped no one caught on camera. I walked like I'd never walked before until there was no other option but to break into a jog as the distance between myself and those naysayers was getting unbearable, even for a man as brave as me. Thankfully, I reached the other side of the field unscathed, hopped through a gap, and was able to turn around and calmly look the herd in the eye.
Charlie:
Now, while I did look small, running away from them so desperately without any evidence that they wanted to upset me, I could definitely see they were disappointed that they didn't manage to stomp my head into the ground. So I turned away thinking I had made the right decision in jogging and my troubles were now over. But then I realised that I was still within another fenced off area and before going cross eyed and thinking of how this field reminded me of the film called Inception, I noticed a part of the fencing that was lacking in barbed wire. I carefully approached it and knowing all too well about another form of defence that farmers use to keep animals from escaping in the UK, I closely examined it. After concluding it was safe, I found a perch for my foot, grabbed the fence to leap over and oh! How my potty mouth exploded with the foulest of vocabulary known to the English language, as I had just subjected myself to 10,000V of Britain's finest electricity. Really regretting not packing my Superman cape now, I felt trapped between a rock and a hard place. If the rock had an electric current surging through it and the hard place was made of a herd of human stomping machines made of muscle. But after talking to myself out loud for quite some time, I decided to, dare I say, grow a pair. Man up or have some balls. Now, all of these phrases mean to be brave, but you probably don't need to learn them as they might not be around for much longer. I'm sure you're aware, but in today's climate, the way we communicate is being put through a real cleansing process. Those phrases are problematic for a surprisingly large number of reasons. And while I'm sure you're desperate for me to finish my dog walking adventure, I'm just going to list a couple of them. So those phrases to grow a pair, man up, have some balls... Those phrases reinforce traditional gender roles and stereotypes that equate courage, strength and resilience within male anatomy or masculinity.
Charlie:
And this can be problematic because it implies that these traits are inherently male, excluding or demeaning women and non-binary individuals. Now, I'm not here to give you my stance on this, but as I am teaching you English, I want to ensure you know how the English community respond to certain phrases. And of course I'm not meaning that woke behaviour is only in English cultures, but as I have had students who live in countries that still don't allow women to legally drive a car, I feel obliged to mention it at least. So gender stereotyping is a no no. The expressions also contribute to a culture of toxic masculinity by suggesting that showing emotion, vulnerability or indecisiveness is unmanly. This places unfair pressure on men to conform to a narrow definition of masculinity and can be harmful to their emotional well-being. No comment. Next one. Such phrases can be especially insensitive to people who are transgender, gender queer or non-binary. Using anatomy as a stand in for courage or resilience can be invalidating and exclusionary. So modern societal norms are moving toward more inclusive language that doesn't marginalise or stereotype based on gender, sexual orientation, race or other factors. So in with the new and out with the old. Instead of those phrases, let's say I decided to um... What can I replace that with? Step up to the challenge.
Charlie:
That's a gender neutral one. So yes, I decided to step up to the challenge of overcoming a barbed wire fence as I felt like it was the lesser of two evils. The other evil being the electric fence. And one messy moment later, I was on the other side of the fence, bleeding and in a pile of brambles, but finally free. I headed back home, grabbed the car to pick up the dog and my wife... Um, she's only recently become my wife, so it feels quite weird saying that. Um. Magical, of course. Um who at this point was sporting a couple more mean blisters but was distracted enough by Instagram to ignore my retelling of my electric shock. Oh, marriage. But you'll be thrilled to know I zapped into class just in the nick of time. And let me tell you, the atmosphere was so charged you'd think we were all running on 10,000V.
Charlie:
I hope you enjoyed my little adventure there. It was not my average dog walk. And so as my wife didn't want to listen, I wanted to share it with you. Thank you for helping me continue to stay married. It's very helpful being able to speak to you. It's therapeutic, to say the least. But yeah, that's all from me today. I've been your host, Charlie Baxter, and you've been listening to the British English Podcast.
Charlie:
Bye for now.
