Transcript of Bitesize EP 062- Transcript

Speaker1:
Hello. Hello. Hello. Welcome back to another episode of the British English podcast. With me, your host, Charlie Baxter. If you've kept up with my life, you'll know that I'm now back in the UK after having lived overseas in various other countries since 2013. And since moving back, I've compiled a list of the good, the bad and the ugly in regards to moving back to the UK. I made my first episode in this imaginary playlist of mine a few months before this episode goes out, so if you haven't listened to that one and have the same sort of personality as me, then I'd encourage you to go and find Bitesize Episode 55. But then again, you won't need to have heard that to enjoy this one. So do as you will. In that episode I brought up six things. In this one, I'm going to try and cram a few more in there as I've had more time to think up these lists. Also, bear in mind that my lists are mainly based on comparisons between the most recent country I resided in, which was Australia. Sydney, Australia, to be specific. So let's get going, shall we? Alright... So the first good thing about moving back to the UK that I wanted to mention today is, would you believe it, the weather! I'm actually surprised I didn't include this in the previous episode because I have been pleasantly surprised by it. We moved back in the middle of the winter and the doom and gloom and constant rain that people associate with the place is actually absolutely spot on. No, but it didn't affect me as dramatically as I had thought it would. You know, I wasn't thinking about, um, bringing the toaster up to the bath with me or wondering how expensive a flight to Switzerland was in the moment. I still had somewhat of a sunny disposition. But fast forward to the spring and it was raining pretty much all the way through April. Hence the name April showers. If that's the first time you've heard that term, then it's not really a worthy comment for me to end on. But the general public were outraged. They were outraged I tell you by the fact that we were seemingly robbed of a spring this year because April is, I would say, generally quite a nice time of the year. We've had the worst part of the year. March is warming up. And then April, it should come with some blue skies and, you know, 15 degrees or so. And now we're into mid-June and oh boy, it is getting hot in here.

Speaker2:
It's getting hot in here. So take off all your clothes. I am getting so hot, I wanna take my cotton socks off.

Speaker1:
I don't know what came over me, but that just made me think of a random British phrase, which is 'bless your cotton socks' which is a term of endearment, often expressing affection. It's, it's used when someone has done something cute or sweet perhaps. The person doing the cute, nice or sweet thing does not, I repeat not, have to be wearing cotton socks, nor do they have to have just sneezed. So let's imagine maybe your son or daughter or non-binary child comes and gives you breakfast in bed with a little flower standing tall in a vase upon a lap tray. You could say, "Oh, bless your cotton socks. Did you pick this flower illegally just for me?" No. Remove the illegal bit. Although knowing your child, it probably was, wasn't it? Definitely didn't need the third coffee today. Okay, so, yeah, a kind thing is done, and then your response can be 'Bless your cotton socks'. Thank you maybe. Don't use it too much though, as it can be patronising and someone who thinks they are as tough as nails, meaning physically and maybe emotionally strong, doesn't go around hoping to be told this, so yeah, use it wisely. Before that digression, I was telling you how hot it is and when it is, many Brits like to say, "You know when the sun is shining, the UK is simply the best place to be in the world!" My friends say it. My dad often says it. I wouldn't say that this is the best test, but it is much nicer when the sun comes out, says the boy that was born yesterday. Although when it's really hot, there is absolutely no escaping it because we ain't got no air con, do we? Oh, but we still cherish it because it is scarce. We wake up, open the curtains and and see that sun and oh, gosh, do we like talking about it! What a lovely day it is, isn't it? Isn't it just a lovely day? Goodness me. And then my final counteroffer is that because we rarely get it, we feel really bad complaining about when it's too hot! I mean, does it stop us? No, we love to complain and we do. But I feel it. And I think others probably feel disappointed in themselves. It's a bit like going away on holiday with your family. You might look forward to it all year and then when you're there, you can't wait to be back home away from all of them. Oh, to be mindful of the now. So I've kind of gone through the good, the bad and the ugly all in one go about the weather in the UK. So I'll let you organise that in whatever way you like. There you go. But let's move on to the next one. So the next one is another controversial one. Despite how often the NHS appears in our newspapers in a negatively stated way, I'm really proud that the UK has a decent, free healthcare system. I've heard horror stories from loads of different countries about how people have to remortgage their houses just to afford a surgery. I mean, take the most recent case I just heard about in the US. A friend's father had a job that included health insurance. He then got sick and the company said 'Well, if you're sick, then we'll need to let you go.' He gets worse and he's made to leave. And then what happens? The health insurance stops. And so he's going to either have to pay for an insurance that will accept him knowing that he's sick, which will mean it's a lot more expensive or he'll he'll just have to pay for things as they come up. So a horrible situation that makes me incredibly thankful for the NHS. The National Health Service in the UK. But let's move swiftly on to a more light-hearted bad thing now: the damp and the bloody mould in British houses. Most of my friends who live in a flat here seem to have to worry about how quickly a spot of mould is growing far more than people I knew in Sydney. I know it's not just the UK that has mould. In fact, according to G-O-G-G-L-E, as my aunty has typed into her phone before, Google said that mould is global, but mainly in places with high humidity, significant rainfall or temperate climes. And that's all we have for the weather out here today in North Shields. So back to you, Julie in the studio. Our thanks, Jonathan. Nasty stuff. Hope you managed to get home safely. Now, if you're one of those who sometimes wonders if you're paying too much for your motor insurance, then you might want to stick around as we have a guest on the show that could save you a penny or two. Definitely too much coffee. Sorry about that. Got carried away with that one liner that was trying to indicate that I thought I sounded like a weatherman at the end of my point. If you were lost, I was just pretending to be the typical news team on BBC where they report the weather outside and then they bring it back to the studio. Um, but back to mould, guys. Mould, what do you have to say for yourself? I mean, really?

Speaker2:
Well, I really like drywall and plaster and the UK has a lot of that. Yummy for my tummy.

Speaker1:
Okay. Um, definitely time to move on from mould and just accept that as the UK has a perfect combination of old buildings and temperate climes, mould is growing in our homes, and unless we want to pay for a new wall, we've just got to live with the increased chance of getting itchy eyes, a rash, or if you're really lucky, an asthma attack. Now for an ugly thing about moving back to the UK: problems with your boiler. That's right. Even sexier than mould. It's the boiler. I often hear people talking about their boiler not working properly in the UK. I mean, I can hear it now. Sorry lads, I've got to leave. The boiler man's coming round. Given that it's 2023, I feel encouraged to say boiler man or woman. But to this day, to this day I've never seen a boiler woman. A woman who fixes boilers for a profession. I'm not saying they can't do it. Just I've never come across one yet. If you happen to be female and you fix boilers for a profession, get in touch. I'd love to change where I stand on this. Now I just asked ChatGPT if the UK stands alone with this issue and it's given me a few paragraphs that would send 99% of the population to sleep. But for some reason I want to read it to you. So... Sorry, but I'm doing it. Actually, I'll request a shortened version for you. How about that? Haha! It said, 'Sure! Let's boil that down a bit.' Sounds like a couple of dads had a hand in building this AI language model, hey? Okay, here we go. Um, ChatGPT says: Ever find yourself scratching your head, wondering why we Brits seem to be on a first name basis with our boiler repairman? Well, the rest of the world is getting off a bit lighter, and here's why. In Blighty, our homes are practically married to boilers, especially those charmingly draughty, older buildings. Thanks to the North Sea dishing up natural gas like a generous buffet, it's a match made in heating heaven. Now scoot over to the States and it's a completely different story. They've fallen for forced air systems. They heat their air and circulate it around the house, a bit like rumours in a small town, but the joke's on the Brits because these systems in the US double up as air conditioning units, a necessity when summer hits and everyone's melting faster than ice cream in Death Valley. And in those just right climates like Australia or Southern California, central heating is often as foreign as a penguin on a surfboard. They survive with portable heaters or reverse cycle air conditioners for those rare days when you need a sweater. That's true. That was the situation for me when I was in Australia. So next time your boiler throws a tantrum, remember: it's part of our British charm. As for the rest of the world, well, they've got their own home heating soap operas to star in. Please note, while this episode is primarily comparing Australia and the UK, we can't forget that the majority of Europe, Canada, China, Russia, Korea and many other countries may also use boilers, thus keeping those boiler men busy men.

Speaker1:
All right. Now I'd like to reel off a bunch of extra good points that I appreciate about moving back to the UK to level out this one positive for two negatives game that I'm playing. So the next bunch of good things about moving back to the UK include British supermarkets. Now I know I'm British and so I was brought up to like the foods around me, but I do think that the UK has a high standard of supermarkets. We've got the cheap and cheerful ones like Aldi and Lidl. Yes, I'm aware these brands are all over and do not originate from here. And then we have the middle ground ones like Tesco and Sainsbury's and maybe Morrisons. And then if you're wanting to push the boat out a bit, you've got M&S Foods or Waitrose. Now I don't gravitate towards those ones on a weekly basis, but if I'm wanting a treat then I love their range of foods, especially the ready-to-eat snacks or meal deals, which is another worthy mention. Yes, the meal deal is the most, um, probably underwhelming thing to appreciate as a visitor. But if you live in the country and it becomes part of your week, then you gradually become accustomed to this sensational little deal to get yourself a drink of your choice, a packet of crisps or a similar snack and a sandwich, all for a relatively affordable price. And yeah, you can start to become dangerously addicted to the idea of a meal deal to the point where when you travel abroad, you start to miss home because of this silly and simple yet wonderful part of life here in the UK. And the list of compliments to the UK around food, surprisingly enough, doesn't stop there because I haven't even mentioned Greggs yet, nor bacon or hot cross buns. So yes, Greggs is a chain of bakeries that you'll find on nearly every high street and in most roadside service stations. While this chain is far from aiming to appeal to the fine diners amongst us, their pasties are a perfect little filler if you're on the go, so keep your eyes peeled for their logo in the form of four orange squares on a blue background, plus the capitalised huge white letters that spell out Greggs. But yes, British bacon and hot cross buns. British bacon, in my opinion, is superior to all other variations out there that I have tried. The reason being is that it comes from the back cut of the pig rather than the belly cut, which is used for American style bacon. The back of the pig is leaner, giving British bacon a higher meat to fat ratio and the way it is cured includes salt and sugar, among other variables, which gives it that unique flavour. And then the texture is also different to most other bacon options as it doesn't harden so much. It stays softer when grilling it, but then gets a nice crispy outer edge. Yummy, yummy. So yeah, sorry piggies, us Brits love you for the wrong reason. So yeah. If you ever see a street vendor selling a bacon butty, which essentially means sandwich, then I'd get in line and you'll be thanking me later. Unless you're a veggie. If you're a veggie, then the next one is for you. Hot cross buns. Yes. Picture this. A bun. But not just any bun. A special one. It's um... it's sweet. It's spicy kind of. And you could say it's got more personality than a reality TV show contestant. And it's got currants or raisins, almost like it couldn't decide which one to invite to the party, so it brought both because sometimes it might have both. Then there's the cross on top. Now it's not just there for looks, although it does make the bun pretty easy to spot in a... in a bakery line up. That cross has history. It's a symbol of Good Friday and these buns are traditionally eaten to celebrate Easter, but I have them all year round because they're very yummy. So why should you try one? Well, apart from the fact that they taste downright delicious, legend has it that sharing a hot cross bun with someone strengthens your friendship for the coming year. So if you've got any friends you're particularly fond of, or maybe that one person who's been ignoring your friend request, a hot cross bun might just be your secret weapon. I mean this friend request, I assume maybe it would be like a colleague or someone. So you see them day to day, but you're not connected online. And we all know that once you're friends online, you're friends for life, aren't you? So, yeah, maybe you gotta try and sneak in a hot cross bun at work and then accidentally say, 'Oh, I've got a spare bit of hot cross bun here. Have you ever tried? Do you want to try one with me? Yeah. Come on. Oh, this is yummy, isn't it? Oh my God. We're BFFs." And if you're not feeling well, supposedly these buns also double up as a minor health potion. Although, um, yeah. Don't know how truthful that is. I take that with a pinch of salt. Or should I say a sprinkle of cinnamon. Either way, next time you're in the UK, make sure to toast one up, slather it in butter and enjoy. If nothing else, you'll fit right in with the locals who've been devouring these tasty treats since the 14th century. Now, that is what I call tried and tested. But hey, if you don't like it, you can always join the ranks of those who use their left over hot cross buns as decorations. Yeah. Imagine that. They're supposed to bring good luck. But just remember, they're not Christmas ornaments, so you don't want to be leaving them hanging for too long because, yeah, they'll go mouldy and then you'll attract the flies and the flies will make babies. And then you'll just be in a room with flies where there's so much buzzing. You wouldn't even be able to hear yourself think! So yeah. Don't leave them out too long. Moving on from food, um, this will be my last one. But as we say, last but not least, I really love how I can take a stroll in the park, woods, forest or any part of the countryside and never feel the need to fear for my life. If we go over to America, they've got their bears, they've got cougars, pumas and coyotes. If we go down to Australia, they've got drop bears, life threatening snakes, spiders that could turn you into a marvel character and, um, and crocodiles if you venture far enough north. I know America also has some of them. And then if you come back to mainland Europe, you've got wild boar, wolves and sneaky ticks that hospitalised one of my friends as it gave her Lyme disease when we were living in Germany. But the UK barely has anything dangerous. So yeah, anyone from America, you can put your firearm down, pick up a flask of tea instead and relax whilst walking through a Woodland National park or any bit of the countryside. But please note, while it is insanely rare, foxes, adders and bulls have managed to endanger humans in the UK along with wasps, ticks and of late wild boars who have been reintroduced to some parts of the British Isles. Oh, and I did mention one other animal that is actually a bit of a joke. There's a cultural reference there that I will explain for premium and Academy members. So yeah, check that out if you if you want to know which one it is. But I wonder I wonder if you can guess which one it was. There was one animal that I mentioned there that is a bit of a joke, well complete joke. Um, okay. I wasn't planning on adding another bad one into this, but. And to end it as well. But my god, I hate wasps. I had four years without hearing that buzzing sound that instantly makes me shit a brick. Am I a wuss for behaving irrationally about this tiny little stinging machine? Most definitely. But I actually think, I do think I believe this. I prefer the potential for a poisonous spider to bite me next time I put my shoes on than witness the sound of a wasp going past my open window 4 or 5 times a day in the summer. I think. I genuinely think I prefer that risk of a spider. But yeah, on that pathetic note, I'll leave it there for this bitesize episode. I hope you have enjoyed this second list of The Good, the bad and the Ugly with a bunch of good things at the end to sort of even it all out. That's all from me today. Have a lovely week and if you can, help someone else have a nice one too. My name is Charlie and you've been listening to the British English podcast.

Speaker2:
Bye bye.