Transcript of Bitesize Ep 061 - Transcript

Speaker1:
Hello and welcome to yet another episode of your absolute favourite podcast. Am I right? I do hope so. Even though I know there is some stiff competition. There really are some bloody good podcasts out there. Either way, you're here with me in your ear, so do not fear for I have another bitesize episode going over some characters from a show that came to fame in 2007 in the UK and still lives on in all of us, or at least the immature ones that particularly like to put on silly voices. Yes, I'm talking about the show called Fonejacker, and I did another episode on this recently, which was Bitesize Episode 59. In that episode, I attempted to impersonate some of the characters to give you a fun listening challenge, an insight into some British pop culture, along with the references we make around them, and to introduce you to a comedy show that may or may not tickle your fancy. And today I'm doing more of the same. Although if you have listened to that episode, I'm not introducing you to Fonejacker merely reminding you of it. And I think I promised in that episode to give you Brian Badonde or as he would say, Brian Badonde and I will. But first I'd like to introduce you to a character called Dufrais Constantinople. Now, their names, I mean, I didn't really remember all of these names. I just remember the voices, really. But this is an audio show and I need to talk about it to give you some listening practice along with the content. So I'm going to talk about it. This character has been described as a busybody. A busybody. It's a good word. A busybody who believes other people's business is his own. And this is a good reference point - is known to be the head of the residents' association in his area. Yes, I'm the head of the Residents' Association. Yes. So let's see what Dufrais Constantinople is up to in this next phone call. If you can say his name, that's a pretty good, um, not tongue twister, but just a good word to practice your pronunciation with. Dufrais Constantinople. Constantinople. Dufrais Constantinople. Um, yes. So let's see how this next phone call of me trying to do my best to imitate his voice goes. Enjoy!

Speaker2:
Good afternoon. How can I help you?

Speaker3:
Hello.

Speaker2:
Hi.

Speaker3:
Hello there. Yes, I'd like to make a reservation, please.

Speaker2:
For when?

Speaker3:
Uh, for the, uh. Ba ba ba ba. The the the Tuesday, please.

Speaker2:
Okay. And how many people are you looking for?

Speaker3:
Uh, just the one.

Speaker2:
Just one?

Speaker3:
Yeah. Table for one. Yes.

Speaker2:
And are you looking for lunch or dinner?

Speaker3:
Uh, well, I don't know. It's my birthday, you see.

Speaker2:
So you're looking for lunch or dinner?

Speaker3:
Well, I don't know. What do you recommend?

Speaker2:
I don't know. If you like to eat at lunch out, then you should book it for lunch. If you like to eat at dinner out, then you should book it for dinner.

Speaker3:
Well, I mean, what I was thinking, you know, because it's my birthday, you know? So, um. But how about lunch?

Speaker2:
Okay. At what time?

Speaker3:
Actually. Let's make it dinner.

Speaker2:
At what time?

Speaker3:
Yes. Actually, you know what? Let's... Let's make it lunch.

Speaker2:
At what time?

Speaker3:
Um... Uh...

Speaker2:
Shall we say at 12?

Speaker3:
4 o'clock?

Speaker2:
4 o'clock we are closed. That's afternoon. Lunch time is 12:00 'til quarter to 3, so maybe 12:00, 12:15, 12:30...

Speaker3:
But I don't have lunch at 12 or 1 or 3. You know, I have lunch at 4.

Speaker2:
What about 5:30?

Speaker3:
For lunch or for dinner?

Speaker2:
Well, if you like to eat lunch at 5:30, then it's up to you, but we open at 5:30.

Speaker3:
Yes, but if I have dinner at 5:30, I would have just eaten lunch at 4. So that would only give me an hour and a half to digest my lunch meal.

Speaker2:
That's pretty good. Then we should book a dinner for 8.

Speaker3:
8 o'clock?

Speaker2:
Yeah

Speaker3:
But I'm in bed by 9.

Speaker2:
Lovely. Then let's do it... what about 6:30?

Speaker3:
It's only 120 minutes after having... having... having had my lunch.

Speaker2:
Okay, so Tuesday the 25th, you said, eh?

Speaker3:
Yes, yes. It's my birthday. Yes

Speaker2:
We can't do at 7. So we can either do at 8:15 or at 6.

Speaker3:
Yeah but I have to be in bed by 9.

Speaker2:
I understand, but we are very busy.

Speaker3:
Can't you just fit me in for 4?

Speaker2:
At 4 we are closed.

Speaker3:
But what happens between quarter to 3 and 5:30?

Speaker2:
We are closed.

Speaker3:
Where is everyone? What do you do?

Speaker2:
I go to the gym.

Speaker3:
You go to the gym?

Speaker2:
Yeah. Do you want to come with me to the gym in the afternoon?

Speaker3:
Well, we could do that, yeah. But could I come as a guest?

Speaker2:
You can, easily.

Speaker3:
And then what would we... what would we do? Do a workout?

Speaker2:
Yes! But it's your birthday. I don't really think that you want to work out on your birthday, right?

Speaker3:
No. No, it's not really the kind of birthday workout I had in mind.

Speaker2:
Yeah, maybe a little bit of drinking and eating is better.

Speaker3:
Yes. At 4 o'clock.

Speaker2:
At 4 o'clock we are closed, sir. You can't book at 4.

Speaker3:
Hmm. Maybe I'll see you down at.

Speaker2:
30

Speaker3:
Oh, no, no. I'd rather come to the gym with you and watch you pump some weights.

Speaker2:
Haha, that's not an available option either.

Speaker3:
What, for the pumping of weights?

Speaker2:
Yeah.

Speaker3:
Well, you... You invited me.

Speaker2:
Would you like to book, sir, or...

Speaker3:
Yes. Yes, I would. Yes. Table for one next Tuesday at 4 o'clock, please.

Speaker2:
At 4 o'clock we are closed, sir.

Speaker3:
Oh, you did say that. Yes. Okay, well, I'll meet you down the gym.

Speaker2:
Perfect.

Speaker3:
Is there a dress code?

Speaker2:
You have to come with the shorts. Yeah.

Speaker3:
I'll come in A leotard.

Speaker2:
Perfect. Bye Bye.

Speaker3:
Bye.

Speaker4:
Hi. I'm Terry Tibbs. And you're listening to the all new Fonejacker podcast. Beautiful.

Speaker1:
Okay. So that was. Yes, that was Dufrais Constantinople. Very hard to please, birthday boy wanting to dine alone at 4 p.m. for lunch, but had to settle with, yeah, with going to the gym with a stranger wearing a leotard. I wonder if you know what a leotard is. Check the flashcards if you if you have a membership. I will, I will pose in a leotard for you. That's a joke. I won't be doing that. I've, I've been told not to do that anymore for people. Leotard days are in the past. I can't really see this one coming up much in day-to-day conversation unless you're amongst a group of diehard fans of Fonejacker. So no need to get your pen and paper out to write down a take home message for this character. So you may be asking me why I showed you this, but I was reminded recently to continue to focus on the things I'm passionate about because. Because there's nothing, absolutely nothing more boring than listening to someone talking about a thing they don't give a crap about. So yes, apparently Fonejacker is a true passion of mine. Meaning I found it funny, so I included it and there we have it. And actually, having rekindled my love for Fonejacker, I'm now doing these voices in my day-to-day life again, purely for my own enjoyment, where my partner is the only one subjected to this because she overhears me talking to myself or to the dogs, as Dufrais Constantinople or Brian Badonde, which, yeah, I'm sure she finds very annoying. But yes, let's get to Bryan Badonde, shall we? So I actually want to let you know that the guy behind all of these voices is a comedian called Kayvan Novak. And as this show Fonejacker was so well received, Channel 4 commissioned another TV show where they turned the prank call show into a similar TV show, but one where Kayvan Novak adorned real disguises and used prosthetic make-up to embody his characters. If you've ever seen Sacha Baron Cohen, the comedian who does Ali G. That's his most famous one, I'd say. He did a show called Who Is America? It's again quite similar how he puts on these disguises and tries to interact with the public to see how they react to his ridiculousness, essentially. And so this is what Kayvan Novak wanted to do with Channel 4 and they brought these voices to life in a visual and physical way, which meant that he could interact with the public in a number of interesting ways that differ to, you know, the straightforward prank call show called Fonejacker. So if you like Fonejacker, then also check out the next thing that he did called Facejacker. So we've got Fonejacker and Facejacker and Brian Badonde was heavily featured in both Fonejacker and Facejacker. So if I were you, and you actually wanted to do everything I suggest, I would enjoy Fonejacker first to see what your imagination comes up with regarding these characters. Like a book kind of. And then give Facejacker a go and see if your imagination was in line with how the creator of the show imagined the character. So yes. Brian Badonde is a flamboyant, pretentious art critic who is characterised by his bizarre and exaggerated speech pattern in which many of his words begin with the letter B and also often end in an extended Ehh sound. So let's get into this call with Brian Badonde and then I will perhaps tell you a little bit more about this character. Here we go.

Speaker2:
Hello?

Speaker5:
Bello, dear. Do you do dance classes?

Speaker2:
I do indeed.

Speaker5:
Wonderful. Well, I was interested in ballet.

Speaker2:
Oh, I'm afraid I don't do ballet.

Speaker5:
Then do ballet.

Speaker2:
No, I don't.

Speaker5:
Why not?

Speaker2:
Ballroom and Latin.

Speaker5:
Ballroom. That sounds good. So what's the difference between ballroom and ballet?

Speaker2:
Ballet is a completely different type of exercise. I don't do it. I'm sorry, but I can't.

Speaker5:
Could you teach me how to dance the mango?

Speaker2:
No, I don't.

Speaker5:
Not mango? What about the boxtrot?

Speaker2:
I do all those.

Speaker5:
Wow, you do the boxtrot? but not the mango?

Speaker2:
Um no I'm afraid I can't help you on that.

Speaker5:
But they do it all the time on Strictly Come Dancing. Sorry I can't help you. What about Baa, Baa, Baa?

Speaker2:
I don't do it. I don't.

Speaker5:
Not the baa baa baa?

Speaker2:
I'd love to, but I can't.

Speaker5:
Well, okay, then.

Speaker2:
Thank you.

Speaker5:
Bye bye! It's the all new Fonejacker podcast.

Speaker1:
Okay, so that was Brian Badonde, Brian who has a speech impediment. Again, fictional comedy character. Don't get your panties in a twist. Where everything he says ends up starting with the letter B. His general accent, not the speech impediment, but his general accent is similar to that of a late art critic called Brian Sewell. I had to Wikipedia that. I didn't know of that before, but I'd say that this one along with Mr Doovdé. Oh, and Terry Tibbs. Yeah. Talk to me. Talk to me, we'll get to that one as well, are the most remembered among those who watched Fonejacker back in the day. But of course, you can enjoy the original the OG right now. Or as Mr Doovdé would say, you can go and listen to the OG, the OG, just type in Fonejacker spelt with an F instead of a p h at the beginning of phone on YouTube or your preferred podcast player and enjoy. That is all from me today. Thank you for listening to the end of this episode. My name is Charlie Baxter and you've been listening to the British English podcast. Bye bye! Beautiful!