Transcript of Bitesize Ep 054 - Transcript (Valentine's Day)

Charlie:
Hello hello hello! Or should I say. [Kiss!] Hey, you. Happy Valentine's Day. Oh. How very inappropriate that was. I'm sorry. I just get caught up with the whole romance of Valentine's Day. And because I'm such a hopeless romantic, I thought I should dedicate this week's Bitesize episode to Saint Valentine. But don't worry, I'm not going to throw the usual at you as to where it originated and the possible theories out there because I have done that before, I think. I can't remember when and where, and I've seen it out there a lot before. So we're not going to do that, but we're going to do some digging around the idea of Valentine's Day romance and, you know, cultural differences as always, because this is the British English podcast, the show that helps non-natives better understand British culture along with British English. And yeah, welcome to the Valentine's Day/Week episode. It's obviously the most romantic episode of the year because February the 14th is the most romantic day of the year, isn't it? Well, I assume it is worldwide, but if your culture has a more romantic day, do let me know. Yeah. So now this episode will air on the weekend after - Ow! - after Valentine's Day. But right as I speak, it is February the 14th. And so - Ow! - I have a rose between my teeth. Between my teeth. Teeth. Not teeth. Teeth - Ow! - because here in the UK, we take the day very seriously. Oh. Oh. Because here in the UK we take the day seriously. So we all go around with a rose in our mouth for the whole day. And due to this, visits to A&E for bleeding gums and tongues increase by an order of magnitude around this time of the month.

I'm being silly there. We don't all go crazy for it, but businesses definitely double down on the theme and push all sorts of crap on us. One example is a teddy bear from a well known company called Me to You. Yeah. This teddy bear is called the Tatty Teddy Bear that is an incredibly soft and fluffy grey teddy bear with this famous blue nose and patches on its feet. And I think the left foot reads 'Me to You' on it. And this company, they do a whole range of Valentine's Day teddy bears with ones holding a big heart, two bears cuddling with a big heart between them, you know, all sorts. I wonder. I wonder if they now even cater for polyamorous relationships, you know, to keep up with the times and that; I suppose they would at least have three bears and then the heart would have to be held by all of them and be precisely in the middle of the three or more bears to not suggest a closer bond for two of them. Otherwise the teddy bears might see some violence. Now I'm needlessly giving throuples a hard time there. A throuple is a three way couple.

Charlie:
And you know, if that's what your romantic setup is, then fill your boots. So, yes, we have an iconic teddy bear from the brand Me to You. Chocolates galore, flowers, especially roses. And, you know, I'm sure most countries have a similar array of gifts, I guess, like what I've just described. I do wonder, though, how we fare in comparison to the rest of the world in regards to romance and then how active we are on Valentine's Day, because my suspicion is that we are much lower down on the list when it comes to general romance all year round. But on Valentine's Day, I'd say we sneak up the rankings a bit because it's it's like there's an organised agreed upon day to put time and effort into romance, which seems to be something we could embrace a bit more because I assume most Brits would cringe openly at the idea of publicly declaring one's love for someone. I'd bet my bottom dollar or British pound sterling that proposals at a sporting event on the big screen is far, far more popular in America than England. I think that's obvious, right? So, yes, I think we find it hard to admit that we have romantic feelings for anyone in a sincere way in front of other people, generally day to day. But give us an organised, contained amount of time that we have all agreed upon and we will let our hair down and say, 'Oh, go on then I'll treat you to a fish and chips, love.'

Charlie:
Now I think that is even beneath most Brits. The go-to certainly in my circle of family and friends would would most likely be a dinner out at an Italian restaurant that is most likely a chain restaurant which serves pretty average inauthentic Italian dishes like a pasta or pizza. We'd only have one course, maybe have some dough balls at the start, and then a pasta or pizza for the main. I suppose it's Valentine's Day, so we'd have some chocolate for dessert, but we wouldn't have the, you know, the authentic way in which Italian restaurants really do their food. And then maybe the night continues on at what would it be? Oh, yeah. Local cinema. Yeah yeah. Watching the the latest rom com to please the missus. Yes. No, that is a disgustingly assumed cynical view on how Brits might celebrate Valentine's Day in the evening. So forgive me for that, but it was mostly deliberate as a fairly substantial segment of the population do have a cynical view on Valentine's Day. A lot of us can't handle the pressure that the commercial businesses put on the public and the amount of unnecessary tat that comes along with it, not to mention how it makes single people feel. So, yes, there's a mixture of how individuals in the UK respond to the holiday, but I still have a suspicion that we climb the ranks a bit on this day regarding romance, because yes, there's a fixed day in which we have agreed to literally relax that stiff upper lip and give our loved ones a big old smooch.

Charlie:
So let's see. I'm going to Google 'How romantic are the Brits in general in comparison to other countries?' Uh huh. Yeah. Okay. So we apparently come in 53rd on a list that has not been vetted in any way, shape or form. It was on the first page of Google, but the survey was titled Percent of People who Experience love on a daily basis. So we came in 53rd out of over 100 countries. Oh, yeah. I wonder who came top. Oh, okay. I wonder if you can guess which country came out on top. Any thoughts? I'll let you ponder over that one for a second. Let's turn it into a guessing game. Yes. What can I say? So the country that according to this survey has the most love is: Well, it's an island nation in Southeast Asia. Yes. It's known for its beautiful beaches and lush tropical forests. It's home to more than 7000 islands. Wow. Okay, I Googled that one. 7000 islands making it one of the largest archipelagos in the world. Archipelagos. That's a difficult word for me. Archipelagos. An archipelago is an extensive group of islands. Lots of islands close together. So, yeah, 7000 islands. What do you think it is? What country? I'll give you one more clue before I reveal the answer.

Charlie:
This country has a rich history and a proud national identity and is celebrated for its resilience and its warm, friendly people. Drum roll, please. The country where people experience the most love day to day is the Philippines. Oh, wow. Under the survey results, it says In 2014, in honour of Valentine's Day, the Philippine government sponsored mass wedding ceremonies for hundreds of couples. The Philippines also set a world record for the number of couples simultaneously kissing for 10 seconds, the final tally being 5122. Gosh, that would be a British person's worst nightmare. Snogging in public, in close proximity to others. And if you looked around, you'd see way too much PDA from thousands of couples. Yeah, our nightmare. Also interesting to see 5122. It's an even number. So that hints that there were no three way kisses going on. It doesn't confirm because we all know four threes are 12. But yes, in the Philippines, a whopping 93% of people report feeling loved. And that comes from a report that is quoted as the most comprehensive global index of love ever constructed. Hmm. Apparently, in 2006 and seven, the researcher Gallup, asked people in 136 countries whether they had experienced love the previous day. Okay. That's quite a reasonable way of asking it, I suppose. The researchers found on a typical day, roughly 70% of the world's population reports feeling love. That's not bad. That's quite nice. That's a nice stat. And as the UK came in 53rd, they reported 74% of Brits that took the test said they felt loved the previous day.

Charlie:
Okay, so now let's take a look at the percentage of people who actively celebrate Valentine's Day in one form or another, which is pretty open to interpretation, isn't it? As, you know, in a nymphomaniac's mind, having S-E-X could be the only qualifier of being romantic on Valentine's Day or actively celebrating Valentine's Day, in their opinion. And then a man or woman who is is married to God, who who writes out a Valentine's card to the the big man upstairs could say they are celebrating Valentine's Day. So, yes, to be actively celebrating Valentine's Day is rather open to interpretation. But yeah, I just squeezed quite a few native sayings into those last sentences. So Premium and Academy members use the glossary you are provided with. Anyway, yes. Back to finding out the middle ground between a nymphomaniac and a nun on Valentine's Day.

Charlie:
So if I Google which country participates the most in Valentine's Day, what will I get? Okay, so I found a poll titled 'How likely are you to celebrate Valentine's Day on or around February 14?' And this was last year. And the most active country is apparently the United States at 75%. Wow. Okay. And then the U.K., the U.K. comes in at 12th place at 59%, which is 4% above the average on this poll.

Charlie:
I would say, 'See, my hypothesis was right!' But this poll didn't ask as many countries as the other survey. So unfortunately, we won't be able to conclude how valid my thoughts are. But considering I do know my arse from my elbow, thank you very much, I think you might just want to take my word for it on this one. Remember this type of order amongst chaos or rather chaos within order came up in my British pubs episode when I mentioned how Brits typically don't talk to strangers, but there are certain areas in the pub that allow for this rule to be broken, and it's this agreed-upon rule that I think might bleed into Valentine's Day that make us slightly more willing to take part in it compared to another nation that shares a similar reserved nature and stiff upper lip for the other 364 days of the year. Oh, a paragraph under the latest poll I was looking at caught my eye just then. It says, 'Among those who plan to celebrate Valentine's Day, 41% on average globally plan to have a romantic dinner at home, 35% to have a romantic night out restaurant, cinema, theatre, concert, etc., and 33% to make love.' And this this gut reaction I had when I read that made me think it's worth digging into because when I read that, I felt a bit funny, a bit uncomfortable, and I immediately wanted to make a joke out of the the Making Love bit or I think I just put on a silly voice then when I said that, yeah, I did. And I think I've read before that an anthropologist by the name of Kate Fox, I haven't read her book in a while, but I think that is her name. I used her name quite a bit at the beginning of the podcast because she has a great book called Watching the English and she's an anthropologist, which means a study of social behaviours, and she was focussed on, you know, English social behaviours. And so she thinks the stereotype Brits get in the bedroom for being awkward, frigid and incapable of flirting. Our way to the bedroom is actually less based on how devoted we are to the big man upstairs or how terrible we are between the sheets, but more so simply because we find the topic itself incredibly taboo and at the same time a great opportunity to make a joke at our own expense. I don't doubt a lot of cultures find it taboo, you know, S-E-X. Oh! But I don't know that many French men would have a knee jerk reaction to joke about how small their winky is. Or an Italian who openly says they've forgotten what to do down there. I don't know. Maybe Brits do prefer to make a joke about sex rather than actually have sex. But considering the population growth is strong, statistics do point at the idea that we do do it, but we do like to mock the idea that we ever do it.

Charlie:
Hmm. I'm reflecting on that. And it's the evening on February the 14th, and I'm being far more intimate with my microphone than with my partner. So that probably speaks volumes, doesn't it? On that note, I'm going to wrap this one up here and go and beg for forgiveness that I haven't dedicated my evening to my one true love. So what have we learned? Brits feel a need to make a joke when the topic of sex ever comes up. Although we do still take part in the act. The majority of us celebrate Valentine's Day at 59% of the population. And based on my anecdotal evidence, we go to an average Italian restaurant and then go to the cinema. Oh, and we give each other cards. Yes. It starts young again in my life experience, and no research outside of that, I think I started giving out cards when I was in primary school. So under the age of 11. I may not have received any until secondary school, but that's neither here nor there. And we've also learned that if you want to feel the love, then get yourself over to the Philippines. Or you can accept this big smooch coming through the mic from me to you. Wah! Happy Valentine's Day from your not so secret admirer, Charlie Baxter. See you next week on the British English podcast.