Bitesize Episode 46 - Come on a Dog Walk for some Charlie Chatter

Charlie Baxter

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What's this episode about?

In this bitesize episode, Charlie takes you out of the sound booth and on a quick dog walk to try a new "authentic" style of recording. It might be a bit like marmite though so be prepared for a love-hate relationship with this Charlie Chatter episode on the go.
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Transcript of Bitesize Ep 046 - Transcript

Good day. Good night. Good evening. Good morning. All around. Just to cover all the bases. It's the afternoon where I am right now recording this. And you can probably pick up on the ambience around me. The raindrops hitting the leaves in the near vicinity. Or even the microphone itself. So I've taken myself on a dog walk. I'm not going dogging. Don't worry. I'm going on a dog walk. And don't worry again, because I do actually have a dog with me. I don't own a dog, but I'm currently looking after one. I'm looking after my friend's dog. His name is Nugget. He's a light brown cavoodle, which is a cavalier mixed with a poodle. He's one of the most popular breeds at the moment. They are all the rage, I would say, just in Australia. But I think worldwide or especially in white English speaking cultures. I say white confidently there. Normally I stay away from mentioning that kind of thing, but I think it's I think it's fair to say that white people are the most obsessed with dogs to an unhealthy amount. To the point where dogs kind of rule the household at least. And this dog has a coat. I know that might not be saying that he rules the house, but, you know, it's newer than mine. His coat is newer than mine. That might be an indication. Anyway, yeah, I thought I'd take the microphone out and see what would happen if I do a podcast on the go whilst taking my dog or the dog that I'm dog sitting for a walk.

So I'm currently walking past a few terraced houses and I'm about to reach the harbour's edge and I can see a huge cruise ship that has parked up near my neighbourhood in Sydney, Australia. These cruise ships, I don't know if you know much about this during lockdown, but these cruise ships were gone in lockdown days. It's very common in Sydney for cruise ships to be parked up by the harbour and in many people's opinions, ruining the view, ruining the view. They are visual pollution and and sometimes they are actual pollution or they cause pollution because they keep their engines running. That's funny, isn't it? You know, when you drive a car and you park up to say goodbye to a friend, you kind of sometimes, well, I used to always wonder whether I should turn the keys off or turn the engine off, turn the keys to turn the engine off or keep it running. Keep it idle, we could say. And that was normally on my mind when I was a teenager, because I was really stingy with petrol. I was obsessed. Sometimes, by the way I'm going up a hill right now, so I am unfit, but I'm not really unfit. So yeah, I was really stingy with petrol, even to the point where I would coast down a hill. Coasting in driving language is when you would pull the gearstick out of gear and so the engine would not be revving very much. It would just be idle again. Idle meaning on 1000 revs per minute, I guess. It's per minute, isn't it? Not per second. Or is it per second? No, it's per minute. RPM - Revs per minute. Yeah. Oh dear. He's losing the plot.

Anyway. Going back to the cruise ship. These cruise ships, they're sitting idle for days, weekends, maybe even a week, if we could stretch to that. So yeah, when I was sat there talking to my friend saying goodbye to them, I was thinking, Oh, do I talk about this other topic? Because that's going to be another 5 minutes. So do I commit and then do I turn the engine off? And then does that mean that they're thinking, Oh, he's in it for the long haul - the conversation. Oh, I used to go over and over that way too much. You know, it does suggest that I'm mentally unstable. My therapist tells me I'm not. But... That was a joke. I don't have a therapist at the moment. Not that I don't encourage it. I think it's very healthy to have a therapist. Yes. So that's cruise ships.

Now, my - not my dog - The dog. Let's call him Nugget, because that's his name. Nugget is now taking me around the corner towards a park that I have memories of when I broke or I ruptured my cruciate ligament, my knee, I was recovering around here and I was doing physio. I was on my crutches, going step by step, very slowly, learning how to walk again. So yeah, I remember that when I come round to this park, but I'm a year on from that now and my knee is tickety boo. Tickety boo, meaning very good. Fine. I sometimes think about it, you know, when I'm bored. No, I just... It's just something that I'm aware of. Anyway. Less about knees, more about me. Although me is knee. Knee is me. What else can I talk about on my dog walk with you? Well, firstly, I hope you're well whilst listening to this. You are well, you are happy, you're having a good week and that you're if you're actively studying English, that your studies are going well, that you're motivated to keep going.

Oh, I can see one guy. So it's raining, as I said, and one boy has a fishing rod and would you believe it? He is fishing. He's the only person in this park apart from me and Nugget. And yeah, I wonder if he's going to catch anything in this rain. I heard that you shouldn't fish when it's raining because,... Well, maybe it's, it's, it's directly after raining. Yeah, I think it probably that. I was told that after the rain has come, the waters are polluted and the fish have been swimming in the city's muck because all of the runoff from the roads is in the water. So you shouldn't fish two days after it rains. There you go. Fun fact. Yeah. I bought a fishing rod when I came to Sydney because it was it's it's not the done thing, but people do it a lot more than they do when you don't live on the coast. Just realised this is the first city that I've lived in on the coast. That's probably the reason why I've seen a lot more fishing. Yeah, so I decided to get a fishing rod and then I went fishing on my own. No, I was with one other guy. He was a Brit and he was a mutual friend of a friend from back home and I didn't really enjoy myself. It was quite tedious work, didn't really get any fish. And then I did get them and I started to think, What am I doing? I'm basically just doing this cruel thing, putting a spike in the ocean and hoping that a fish just catches it. And then I pulled it out using its body weight. I mean, all of its body weight is on this hook and then I'm just putting it back in the ocean, the harbour, the water. So yeah, I thought, this is pointless, just doing it out of pure spite, even though I have no spite for the fish. Yeah. So I gave it up. So the fishing rod has been in my closet for three years now, and Stacey likes to remind me of that, that I've wasted money on it. Does your partner, if you have a partner, does your partner like to point out things that you've wasted money on?

I wonder, just looking at Nugget right now, because he's doing some things that makes me think that I might need to get a plastic bag out, if you know what I mean. That's a pet hate of mine. Oh, pet hate next to a pet. A pet hate of mine is people leaving dog poos out, especially, obviously, if you're in a city. I think everyone agrees with me with that. If you don't, send me an email, tell me why I'm wrong. Yeah, I find it very disrespectful and one of my friends did it and I nearly told her that I will never see you again. Not that I'm judgemental, of course. Heaven forbid. Oh, no, he's not doing a poo. Okay, good. All right, off we go.

Oh, we're coming up against some very large birds. I've come. I've become accustomed to these birds. But if I was to go away and come back again, I would think. What kind of Jurassic Park did I used to live in? These birds, They're ibises. I think that's the plural. An ibis is the singular. I B I S. And people here call them bin chickens because they're always in the bin or around the bin. And yeah, I guess they don't have an imagination of anything other than a chicken being a big bird. So yeah, a bin chicken. I quite like it actually. That name: A bin chicken. Yeah. So they've got very, very long beaks. If you don't know what an ibis is, think of Egyptian birds. That's probably the best description I can give you without you googling it. An Egyptian bird with a very long beak. And yeah, it reminds me of that. That that children's tail where the stork and the fox have a dinner together. I think this the story goes where the fox invites the stork over for dinner and the fox is very cunning. And so he gives the stork or he provides the dinner on a flat plate. And of course, the stork having a long beak, really struggles to eat the meal. And so the fox gets both meals. He says, Oh, if you're not hungry, I'll eat that. So he gets two dinners. By the way, I haven't listened to this story or read this story in a long time. So yeah, forgive me if I'm getting the details wrong, but I think the I've still got the crux of it. So hear me out. So yeah, the stork doesn't get any food and he's upset. Then he has an idea and he invites the fox round. And he gives him the food. And the fox is thinking, Great. I got two dinners yesterday and I'll get another dinner tonight. But the stork provides him the food in a very tall glass and he can't get his snout or his nose. I'm not sure if it's a snout. A pig has a snout.

Oh, hold up. We've got a Nugget crouching. Making eye contact with me. Why would you make eye contact with me when you're doing a poo? Oh, no, it's raining. Okay, I've got to stop this right now. Hang on. Oh, dear. Right. Couldn't leave him doing that after I complained about people who do it. So I've got a bag with me now. Don't worry, you're not touching it, at least. I'm the one touching it. What was I saying? Oh, yes. So he gives... The stork gives the fox his dinner in a very tall glass, and the fox can't get anywhere near his food. He's trying and trying. He puts his nose as deep as possible into the glass. But alas, no hope, not even a single bit of food. And then the stork says, Oh, are you not hungry? And then he laps it up. Smug as fuck. That... that swearword probably wasn't in the children's book. So yeah, I'm not sure what the moral is there. So that probably indicates that I'm missing the main part of the story. Come on. Yeah. What do you think the moral of the story there would be? Don't give a person food if you can't... if you don't have a long beak. Very specific. Very specific, isn't it? Imagine your kid looking at you, thinking you're the all wise mother or father, and you give them that piece of advice like, But, Mum, I don't have a long beak. Unless they do have a long beak. Then you're mak... making sense. Then you'd get that mug that says Best parent of the year or World's best mum or dad.

I'm walking up a big hill now, looking back at the big old cruise ship. I think I want to try a cruise ship. A lot of people slate them, slate them. They talk negatively about them. But I'd like to just at least give it a go, see what all the fuss is about. It's a very forced trip. Like, the itinerary is very forced. But I dunno. I don't like planning things, so maybe I'd like it. I don't like talking about plans as well. Yeah, maybe that would be good for me. I'm just putting the thing that I won't mention in the bin. That made a very big thud, didn't it?

I got this idea of walking and podcasting from a fictional character that I absolutely love called Alan Partridge, and he's done some new podcasts again as a fictional character. And because his character has such a back story, I guess, because of all of the things that he's done over the years. You know, he's been he's been doing it for like 20 years, maybe. The guy is called Steve Coogan and he created this fictional character character a long, long time ago, maybe even 30 years. And I've watched him growing up. His humour is, I would say, next to none, meaning it's the best of the best. But yeah, the way in which he goes about his recording is quite interesting because it makes you feel like you're with him, not just a blank canvas in a recording booth. He takes you on walks. He gets stuck in a cave. And yeah, it just makes me feel like I'm next to him. So I thought I'd try this. See how annoying the audio is? Very loud bus going past. Is that annoying, or does that make you feel like you're next to me? I don't know. I'll have a little listen in the edit. Oh, I'm getting hot in my coat. The rain has eased off and we're coming towards the end of the dog walk. We've done a bit of a loop and I'm about to jump in the shower to get ready for a night out with the boys. I say the boys, but it's just two other guys, maybe three other guys who I met through Stacey, actually, yes. Her colleague from work and then her university friend's boyfriend. But yeah, we've become good friends over the years. We're going out for a curry. Good old curry. We're all English. And so we all source- We all crave an Indian... curry... From time to time, meaning every Friday, basically. And, yeah, we've booked ourselves in. Gonna have a few beers before and then a curry. So yes, I hope that is nice and I hope you have a nice evening. Right. I'm going to end this here because there's a bit of traffic and I don't want to say to Nugget's owners, sorry, your dog has passed away, but I did make a podcast in the making of that process of him dying. So, yes. All right. I will speak to you next time on the British English podcast.

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Podcast host: Charlie:
This will be quite a bit harder for you to understand, as there are a number of accents in the conversation, some poorly delivered at times, as you will notice.

Podcast host: Charlie:
But the aim is to give you a variety of dialects in one conversation and some dialogue to give you native expressions in context. So enter, if you will, to Charlie's pub and his imaginary world.

Character: Mike:
Alright geezer, how's it going?

Character: Chris:
Yes, I'm well thanks. How about you? Have you had a good day?

Character: Mike:
Can't say good mate. No my old man he's been giving me a right old earful for what happened on site last week.

Character: Chris:
Oh that's a pity. Are you back on your dad's building project again?

Character: Mike:
Sad to say mate, but yeah, I am. Couldn't resist this one though. Cash in hand, you know.

Character: Chris:
Oh fair play, hard to resist those I imagine. Oh, here she is.

Character: Emily:
Oh, hi.

Character: Chris:
I was wondering if you're ever going to join us tonight.

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